Television is one of the most prevalent forms of media that influences children's lives, and there's a growing consensus that children's exposure to violence in TV is positively correlated with their aggressiveness. [I would say "aggression"] Although the debate over whether violence on TV causes violence in society has not been decisively proven, most studies have indicated that children may respond to such high levels of TV violence with aggressive behavior in society, or that it may increase fear in society.
Children are bombarded on most TV stations with violent movies that show how trouble-free the killing of people is, along with the abuse of drugs and alcohol, criminal behavior, and the disrespect for authority and law. And many argue that children's exposure to such quantities of violence contributes to violence in real life. In addition, critics claim that television violence teaches children that violence is an acceptable solution to problems, and fosters a fearful attitude by leading viewers to think that the world is more violent than it really is.
Studies of children exposed to violence on TV [or "TV violence"] have shown that they can become immune to the horror of violence, and may imitate the violence they see. Studies have found also that children displayed an obsessive interest in real life crimes and were found to have a deep knowledge of forensic sciences and how criminals behave, that contributed to a skewed set of values.
It is also thought that children watching TV violence may be more likely to develop anxiety and sleep disorders. Research has shown that 26 per cent of adults still have "residual anxiety" many years after viewing violent movies in childhood.
People are becoming now more convinced than ever that the representation of violence in TV is directly responsible for the violence in our streets, in our homes, and in our schools.
As someone who studied this subject at university, I would challenge you essay factually (), but linguistically, I think it's very good.
I would also say that stucturally, it could be improved by following a more rigid paragraph structure. Personally, I would put your argument into paragraphs with the following structure:
- An overview of the problem.
- Your reading of the media you are talking about (a direct description of the content you are referring to in the rest of the essay).
- A description of the effects on children, which is where you refer to the studies and statistics.
- A description of the effects on society as a whole (i.e. the bit where you talk about fear in society comes up a few times in different parts of the essay, and it should all be together in the same paragraph).
- Your conclusion.
But ignore all of that, if you were just interested in your sentences being grammatically accurate.
Not a teacher.