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  1. #1
    hank5509 is offline Junior Member
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    Default Short essay correction

    This is my essay question assignment. However I dont know if there are any mistakes. Hope you can help me find out and correct them. Thanks in advance.

    By the way, could you tell me does this essay sound nature to an English ear? I mean not just grammatically correct - I wish I could write like an native speaker

    ---
    Q: What does this paragraph tell about Lucille's personalities?

    The author didn't give us a clear idea about the girl, but as we read through the context, still, we might discover something gloomy and mournful beyond the story that happened to her. According to this paragraph, we can draw a rough image of the garden in the Christiansen’s: a fountain stood in the centre, the surroundings were so quiet and towering trees around the house grew as if to separate the outer world. This implies that Lucille was avoiding the reality. She wanted to escape as far away from the sad place she once lived in as possible.

    Lucille was a girl who had a broken family. Judging by those flashbacks and soliloquies throughout the story, I think her father was pissed off by his insane wife so he finally burned themselves to death. The girl was guilty about not being able to protect her mother and since then she went disturbed. We often can see she was trying to forget all the unhappy memories but apparently it never came off. After many times of failure, Lucille’s guiltiness grew so strongly that her mind turned out to become somehow heroic – she wanted to prove she could deal with dangerous situations and wouldn’t let the same thing happen again. I think this caused the fire in the end of the story. What a pathetic girl!

  2. #2
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    RonBee is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: Short essay correction

    Quote Originally Posted by hank5509 View Post
    This is my essay question assignment. However I dont know if there are any mistakes. Hope you can help me find out and correct them. Thanks in advance.
    This is my essay question assignment. I don't know if there are any mistakes. I hope you can find them and correct them.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Short essay correction

    Say:
    Tell me if this essay sounds natural.

    I wish I could write like a native speaker.

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    Default Re: Short essay correction

    We read text, not context.
    Does a story happen to somebody or is a story about something that happened to that person?
    Let's draw a rough picture of the Christiansen's garden.

    It was quiet and peaceful.

    The towering trees stood there separating the house from the outer world.
    .................................................. ..................................................

    This implies that Lucille was avoiding reality.

    What is "This"?
    .................................................. .................................................. .
    She wanted to move as far as possible from the sad place where she once lived.

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