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  1. #1
    ernest1a is offline Newbie
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
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    Default please check my short text

    Hi,
    I wrote a text script for speaker for video presentation of my website. It has been corrected a bit but I would like to make it more juicy and easy. Please could you advice me which sentence would you change to tell the same but in better way. And do you find any mistake inside? The text is following:

    »Hi,
    This is Nick, welcome to [name of portal]. Let's go to the tour!

    [name of portal] is about living places, people from those places and their habbits. You can discover famous places like Paris, Rome, Rio de Janeiro and so on or idyllic places which you have never heard of before.

    The most important is that you can find somebody from the place that you want to visit. That person lives there so he or she must know everything about that place. And not just that!¨You can also find a free hosting, company or guide .

    [name of website] gives you all the information you need about the place. And if any information you need is not posted yet, you can simply send an automatic request to all our members from that place.

    Even if you don't plan to travel you can use [name of website] to show to the world where you live, to share photos, videos, updates and other stuff.

    All members have, together with their profiles, also their living place card. Everybody from the same place can edit that place, adding new sections with text, photos or videos.

    It is a fully secured network system. The system calculates peoples' credibility score which makes sure only credible members can contact other credible members.

    So it is Useful, funny and also highly secured.
    Ready to start? [name of portal]!"

    Thank you!
    Ernest

  2. #2
    ernest1a is offline Newbie
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
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    Default Re: please check my short text

    I made wrong expression. It is not copywriting text but script text for speaker for website video tutorial. Here is corrected version, I would like to ask you if you can check for any nonsense or any huge grammar mistake. Tnx! :)

    »Hi,
    This is Nick, welcome to [name of portal]. Let's go to the tour!

    [name of portal] is about living places, people from those places and their customs. You can explore most famous places like Paris or Rio de Janeiro for example, or you can discover idyllic places which you have never heard of before.

    Most important, you can find somebody from the place you want to visit. A person who lives there must know a lot of information about that place. And not just that! You can also find a free hosting or a person who will guide you or making you company.

    [name of portal] gives you all the information you need about the place. And if any information you need is not posted yet, you can simply send an automatic request to all our members from that place.

    Even if you don't plan to travel you can use [name of portal] to show to the world where you live, share photos, videos, updates and other stuff.


    Your living place is showed in your profile and everybody from the same place can edit that place, add new sections, photos or videos. It can be very funny to build a page of your living place together with many other members near you.

    Behind that it is a fully secured network system. The system calculates peoples credibility score which makes sure only credible members can contact other credible members.

    So it is Useful, funny and also highly secured.

    Ready to start? [name of portal]!"

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