May I ask somebody to help me with checking a small thesis?
I've wrote half page thesis for my application to Master degree in IT (at one of U.S.
universities) and I'd like to show it to some native english speaker before I'm sending it.
Thank you in advance,
It's not a small thesis. It's a short thesis.
I just need to ensure that all the sentences are correctly built and there are not things that look strange from the english speaker's point of view.
I hope it's not too much to ask.
And here is the text: (Thank you!)
Developing IT career
I am working in Information Technologies more then 12 years. Soon after achieving my B.A. degree and working about two years as economist for the Israeli Government, I've taken the decision to make a turn and try myself in IT field.
It took me a decade to advance from performing relatively simple administrative tasks to a position of managing the most complicated enterprise-scale environments, like Israeli Paz Oil Group. I remember a period in my career when the resolving of pure technical issues completely satisfied my professional ego (especially it was correct to the positions in Hi-Tech companies). But with time I've got the ambition to broaden horizons and to apply the accumulated experience in a field of taking decisions. And this required two things to acquire: the strategic vision and appropriate managerial tools.
So, when I am looking at M.S.I.T. program I see, first of all, the opportunity to develop -- on the base of my reach technological experience -- the ability to effectively manage the entire enterprise IT resources in order to meet the business goals of the organization.
In addition to developing a strategic thinking, there are some courses in the program, that provide especially useful specific managerial tools: Change Management, Project Management, Legal and Financial Issues in Information System Management. Others, like "Data Security and Privacy" may reorganize my existing knowledge and to present the issues from the different or wider point of view.
Coworkers characterize me as very accurate and punctual person having strong analytical and planning abilities. My agenda in all the positions during the career was building the systems based on conventions and standards, presented by friendly and secured interface on the user (or customer) side and by clear documentation and instructions written for the IT team.
In the position of senior systems manager I deal with planning and management of infrastructural projects in various aspects of IT department responsibility. This includes comparing and choosing the optimal software and hardware solutions, designing DR and Information Security procedures, writing instructions for the Help Desk team and so on. The Bachelor Degree, enriched with relevant certificates, may provide sufficient basis for this level of management, but it definitely can not open further perspective.
All this caused me to look for the program that will help to consolidate all the technological and administrative experience, accomplish it and also to get certified in order to advance my career in IT leadership. I believe, that M.S.I.T. degree from the XYZ University completely answers the purpose.
It took me a decade to advance from performing relatively simple administrative tasks to a position of managing the most complicated enterprise-scale environments, like Israeli Paz Oil Group. I remember a period in my career when the resolving of pure technical issues completely satisfied my professional ego.
First, thanks for the time you spent for me.
May I understand that the rest of the text looks OKey, or at least at reasonable level? To tell the truth, I am not self-confident enough to think so.
For my purpose it may contain some little inaccuracy (they know I am not a native English speaker), but not too much..
So may I, at in your opinion, to send the thesis now?