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  1. #11
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    RonBee is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: Developing IT career

    Quote Originally Posted by dezzamet View Post
    But with time I've got the ambition to broaden horizons and to apply the accumulated experience in a field of taking decisions. And this required two things to acquire: the strategic vision and appropriate managerial tools.
    I'ved decided to broaden my horizons and -----? To this I need to acquire a strategic vision and appropriate managerial tools.

  2. #12
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    Default Re: Developing IT career

    I will highlight the errors in the remaining text, putting them in bold. Errors of omission will be indicated by --.

    Quote Originally Posted by dezzamet View Post

    So, when I am looking at -- M.S.I.T. program I see, first of all, the opportunity to develop -- on the base of my reach technological experience -- the ability to effectively manage the entire enterprise IT resources in order to meet the business goals of the organization.



  3. #13
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    Default Re: Developing IT career

    Oh, yes, it sounds exactly like this in my native Russian (adjective)! But not in Hebrew.. :)

    Is there something interesting else in my "work of art"?

    Thank you :)

  4. #14
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    Default Re: Developing IT career

    I didn't see all the corrections, when writing the previous post. Should the "base" be replaced with "basis", correct? I've a little bit simplified the sentence:

    So, first of all, I see in MSIT program the opportunity to develop -- on the basis of my technological experience -- the ability to effectively manage the enterprise's IT resources in order to meet the business goals of the organization.

  5. #15
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    Default Re: Developing IT career

    Quote Originally Posted by dezzamet View Post
    I didn't see all the corrections, when writing the previous post. Should the "base" be replaced with "basis", correct? I've a little bit simplified the sentence:

    So, first of all, I see in MSIT program the opportunity to develop -- on the basis of my technological experience -- the ability to effectively manage the enterprise's IT resources in order to meet the business goals of the organization.
    Yes, "base" should be "basis". The revised sentence is a big improvement. The only thing I would change is I would make is I would say "the MSIT program".

    We're getting there.


  6. #16
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    Default Re: Developing IT career

    Quote Originally Posted by dezzamet View Post

    In addition to developing a strategic thinking, there are some courses in the program, that provide especially useful specific managerial tools: Change Management, Project Management, Legal and Financial Issues in Information System Management. Others, like "Data Security and Privacy" may reorganize my existing knowledge and to present the issues from the different or wider point of view.
    Please simplify that some.

    Quote Originally Posted by dezzamet View Post
    Coworkers characterize me as a very accurate and punctual person having strong analytical and planning abilities. My agenda in all the positions during my career was building the systems based on conventions and standards, presented by friendly and secured interface on the user (or customer) side and by clear documentation and instructions written for the IT team.



    Quote Originally Posted by dezzamet View Post
    In the position of senior systems manager I deal with planning and management of infrastructural projects in various aspects of IT department responsibility. This includes comparing and choosing the optimal software and hardware solutions, designing DR and Information Security procedures, writing instructions for the Help Desk team and so on. The Bachelor Degree, enriched with relevant certificates, may provide sufficient basis for this level of management, but it definitely can not open further perspective.
    I'm not sure what you mean by software and hardware solutions. Why not just say software and hardware?


    Quote Originally Posted by dezzamet View Post
    All this caused me to look for
    Quote Originally Posted by dezzamet View Post
    the program that will help to consolidate all the technological and administrative experience, accomplish it and also to get certified in order to advance my career in IT leadership. I believe, that M.S.I.T. degree from the XYZ University completely answers the purpose.
    Quote Originally Posted by dezzamet View Post
    I don't know how you can consolidate experience. Could you simplify that paragraph for me?

  7. #17
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    Default Re: Developing IT career

    Quote Originally Posted by RonBee View Post
    I'm not sure what you mean by software and hardware solutions. Why not just say software and hardware?
    This is probably, the only episode in the entire session I would like to leave the wording as is. Maybe, it is a sort of proff. sleng (we are generally speaking in terms of complex solutions and not of single servers or programs).

    ---
    I hope I don't make new mistakes in the simplified paragraphs:

    4.
    In addition to a strategic thinking developing, the program provides especially useful managerial tools: Change Management, Project Management, Legal and Financial Issues in Information System Management. Others, like "Data Security and Privacy" may reorganize my existing knowledge and to present the issues from the different or wider point of view.

    7.

    All this caused me to look for a program that will help to accomplish my knowledge and to get certified in order to advance my career in IT leadership. I believe, that the MSIT degree from the XYZ University completely answers the purpose.


    ---



    I have to apologize, RonBee. I didn't realize how much efforts this proofreading may take! I know English at the reasonable level for tech. reading/writing, some e-mailing and so on.. (TOEFL=601\677). And I see after this session, that I probably have created some illusions for myself regarding my English. Thanks for your patience!

  8. #18
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    Default Re: Developing IT career

    Quote Originally Posted by dezzamet View Post
    In addition to a strategic thinking developing, the program provides especially useful managerial tools: Change Management, Project Management, Legal and Financial Issues in Information System Management. Others, like "Data Security and Privacy" may reorganize my existing knowledge and to present the issues from the different or wider point of view.
    I suggest:
    In addition to developing strategic thinking, the program provides especially useful managerial tools: Change Management, Project Management, and Legal and Financial Issues in Information System Management. Others, like "Data Security and Privacy" may reorganize my existing knowledge and present the issues from a different point of view.
    Do the words in caps indicate titles of some sort? (Program titles?) In the second sentence, you do, I think, need to choose between different point of view and wider point of view. (I chose one, but you might prefer the other.)

  9. #19
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    Default Re: Developing IT career

    Quote Originally Posted by dezzamet View Post
    All this caused me to look for a program that will help to accomplish my knowledge and to get certified in order to advance my career in IT leadership. I believe, that the MSIT degree from the XYZ University completely answers the purpose.
    I suggest:
    All this inspired me to look for a program that would enrich my knowledge and get me certified in order to advance my career in IT. I believe that the MSIT degree from XYZ University achieves that goal.
    What do you think?

  10. #20
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    Default Re: Developing IT career

    "In addition to developing strategic thinking, ..." - I've just copied as is.

    In the second sentence "answers the purpose" sounds better for me, but I probably don't feel the subtle differences between these alternatives. Do you think "achieves that goal" matches better? It already appears somewhere above in the text...

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