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  1. #1
    SQL is offline Newbie
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    Question Need feedback for the second paragraph of Cover Letter

    Hello everyone!

    So I have wrote my cover letter, but feel that the second paragraph (which shows my interest in the position and explains qualifications) might be a bit unclear and too complex. Can you please give me some feedback on how does it sound to you and what can I do to make it more smooth to read, while still getting my point across.

    Thank you and here is the paragraph:

    While working towards the BS in Business Administration, I was employed in technical support industry that gave me an opportunity to develop IT and problem solving skills in practice. My primary major, Management Science, a field of operations research that studies analytical decision making process and methods in business, taught me applied and quantitative skills that can be used in the Business Analyst position you have described. My secondary major in Corporate Finance greatly enhances my knowledge of Management Science because finance is a major component of analysis used in business. I have a strong academic background with applied skills to analyze and solve practical business problems and I think that I could apply them to the software industry.

  2. #2
    susiedqq is offline Key Member
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    Re: Need feedback for the second paragraph of Cover Letter

    I have written my cover letter, but feel that the second paragraph (which shows my interest in the position and explains qualifications) might be a bit unclear and too complex. Can you please give me some feedback on how it sounds and what can I do to make it read more smoothly, while still getting my point across?

    Thank you and here is the paragraph:

    While working towards a BS Degree in Business Administration, I was employed in technical support industry, which gave me an opportunity to develop IT and problem solving skills in practice. My primary major is Management Science, a field of operations research that studies analytical decision making process and methods in business. This field has taught me applied and quantitative skills that can be used in the Business Analyst position you have described. My secondary major in Corporate Finance greatly enhances my primary major because finance is a major component of analysis used in business. I have a strong academic background with the applied skills needed to analyze and solve practical business problems. I look forward to showing you how I could apply them to your software industry needs.

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