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  1. #1
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    Angry Hi! Moi speaks French...and can't writes in English.

    Thanks for your patience. Here is a paragraph for you to revise. Just a paragraph! Come on! Thanks! Don't let me down. :)

    "The Place I am in Assignment:


    The place I am in is my environmental friendly green yard. The first thing that I see is the verdant green grass. There are two giant mulberry trees and two plum trees in the front of my backyard. Right now, both of the plum trees hang innumerable ripened plums. Two white butterflies fly towards me. The sky is cloudy and foggy. I can barely see the other side of my backyard. Itís freezing. As I close my eyes, I hear a bird shrieking somewhere in the sky and other birds murmuring in the background. Crickets have also joined the animal kingdom symphony orchestra. It sounds beautiful. I slowly open my eyes and walk a little bit closer to the trees; I can feel the wet leaves. The glittering dewdrops on these leaves look like crystals. At the very back of my yard, there are two prickly rose trees. The fragrant smell of them has freshened the air of my surrounding. I feel grateful to have a backyard like this!"

  2. #2
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    Question Re: Hi! Moi speaks French...and can't writes in English.

    Hey! Knock, knock, knock. Anybody home?

  3. #3
    madd.ryan is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Hi! Moi speaks French...and can't writes in English.

    Quote Originally Posted by hugsandkisses View Post
    Thanks for your patience. Here is a paragraph for you to revise. Just a paragraph! Come on! Thanks! Don't let me down. :)

    "The Place I am in Assignment:


    The place I am in is my environmental friendly green yard. The first thing that I see is the verdant green grass. There are two giant mulberry trees and two plum trees in the front of my backyard. Right now, both of the plum trees hang innumerable ripened plums. Two white butterflies fly towards me. The sky is cloudy and foggy. I can barely see the other side of my backyard. Itís freezing. As I close my eyes, I hear a bird shrieking somewhere in the sky and other birds murmuring in the background. Crickets have also joined the animal kingdom symphony orchestra. It sounds beautiful. I slowly open my eyes and walk a little bit closer to the trees; I can feel the wet leaves. The glittering dewdrops on these leaves look like crystals. At the very back of my yard, there are two prickly rose trees. The fragrant smell of them has freshened the air of my surrounding. I feel grateful to have a backyard like this!"


    It seems correct to me.

  4. #4
    Anglika is offline No Longer With Us
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    Default Re: Hi! Moi speaks French...and can't writes in English.

    It is the weekend - please be a little patient!
    Quote Originally Posted by hugsandkisses View Post
    Thanks for your patience. Here is a paragraph for you to revise. Just a paragraph! Come on! Thanks! Don't let me down. :)

    "The Place I am in Assignment:


    The place I am in is my environmentally friendly green yard. The first thing that I see is the verdant green [tautology - verdant means green] grass. There are two giant mulberry trees and two plum trees in at the front of my backyard [no need to repeat "yard" - omit] Right now, both of the plum trees hang are hung withinnumerable ripened ripe plums. Two white butterflies fly towards me. The sky is cloudy and foggy It is foggy. I can barely see the other side of my backyard. Itís freezing. As I close my eyes, I hear a bird shrieking somewhere in the sky and other birds murmuring in the background. Crickets have also joined the animal kingdom symphony orchestra. It sounds beautiful. I slowly open my eyes and walk a little bit closer to the trees; I can feel the wet leaves. The glittering dewdrops on these leaves look like crystals. At the very back of my yard, there are two prickly rose trees. The fragrant smell of them has freshened the air of my surroundings. I feel grateful to have a backyard like this!"

    A little bit "purple prose" but not at all bad. The second half is better written than the first.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
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    Cool Re: Hi! Moi speaks French...and can't writes in English.

    Quote Originally Posted by Anglika View Post
    It is the weekend - please be a little patient!



    A little bit "purple prose" but not at all bad. The second half is better written than the first.
    Thank you, Mr. Anglika. Thank you, madd.ryan. Ah...Thanks *1000+

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