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  1. #1
    Roselin's Avatar
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    Smile plz read the compositions and tell my mistakes.

    Could you please read the composition written below and guide me how I can express myself in a better way? I need to be pointed out the mistakes as well so that I donít repeat them in futureÖ..tks in advance!!

    My Childhood Experiences

    Perhaps the childhood days are the most lovable days of our lives. These are the days when we are far from our worries and tensions. The days to play and laugh with our friends. The days to live in the world of fantasy. But we shouldnít forget that the burden of studies is still there.
    When we are child , we think that our parents are happier than us because they donít have tension of studies and getting good marks in exams. But as we grow, we realize that childhood days were better than what we are in now today.

    I remember once I and my friends were waiting for the school bus in the afternoon after school. There was much time for the bus to come. We thought of going to the backyard of the school to get some sweet fruits that were grown in bushes. We left school bags under the tree. We got so busy in collecting the fruits that we forgot that almost an hour had passed and we might had missed our bus.
    By the time we reach the bus stop, the bus had gone. I started crying as my school bag was also lost. Someone had might stolen it. I got scared with very thoughts of my parents knowing about everything.
    Anyway, when I didnít reach home, my father came to school in search of me. I was scolded and blamed for being the most careless girl in the family. I lost my school water bottle, books, geometry box, everything that was in the bag.

    Today when I remember those days it brought a smile on my face. How stupid and naughty I was! I lost my bag and scolded by father just because of those small fruits. But I learnt from that bad experience that I should be more careful and wait for the bus instead of going somewhere else after school.
    Good or bad experiences always teach us something or the other. Today I laugh at myself when remember those light moments.

    There are many more experiences to share with you all but no time to type. I hope to hear from you all also about your childhood experiences.

    Till then bye n cheers!!!

  2. #2
    Raymott's Avatar
    Raymott is offline VIP Member
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    Default Re: plz read the compositions and tell my mistakes.

    Quote Originally Posted by Roselin View Post
    Could you please read the composition written below and guide me how I can express myself in a better way? I need to be pointed out the mistakes as well so that I donít repeat them in futureÖ..tks in advance!!

    My Childhood Experiences

    Perhaps the childhood days are the most lovable days of our lives. These are the days when we are far from our worries and tensions. The days to play and laugh with our friends. The days to live in the world of fantasy. But we shouldnít forget that the burden of studies is still there.
    When we are child , we think that our parents are happier than us because they donít have tension of studies and getting good marks in exams. But as we grow, we realize that childhood days were better than what we are in now today.

    I remember once I and my friends were waiting for the school bus in the afternoon after school. There was much time for the bus to come. We thought of going to the backyard of the school to get some sweet fruits that were grown in bushes. We left school bags under the tree. We got so busy in collecting the fruits that we forgot that almost an hour had passed and we might had missed our bus.
    By the time we reach the bus stop, the bus had gone. I started crying as my school bag was also lost. Someone had might stolen it. I got scared with very thoughts of my parents knowing about everything.
    Anyway, when I didnít reach home, my father came to school in search of me. I was scolded and blamed for being the most careless girl in the family. I lost my school water bottle, books, geometry box, everything that was in the bag.

    Today when I remember those days it brought a smile on my face. How stupid and naughty I was! I lost my bag and scolded by father just because of those small fruits. But I learnt from that bad experience that I should be more careful and wait for the bus instead of going somewhere else after school.
    Good or bad experiences always teach us something or the other. Today I laugh at myself when remember those light moments.

    There are many more experiences to share with you all but no time to type. I hope to hear from you all also about your childhood experiences.

    Till then bye n cheers!!!
    I suggest delete underlined. Add blue.

    My Childhood Experiences

    Perhaps our childhood days are the most lovable days of our lives. Those are the days when we are far from our present worries and tensions. They were days to play and laugh with our friends. Days to live in the world of fantasy. [But we shouldnít couldnít forget that the burden of studies was still there.] [Thereís a problem with point of view here. Are you writing from the present?]
    When we are children, we think that our parents are happier than us because they donít have the tension of studies and getting good marks in exams. But as we grow, we realize that childhood days were better than what we are going through today.

    I remember once my friends and I were waiting for the school bus in the afternoon after school. There was quite some time for the bus to come. We thought of going to the back yard of the school to get some sweet fruits that were growing in bushes. We left our school bags under the tree. We got became so busy in collecting the fruits that we forgot that almost an hour had passed and we might had have missed our bus.
    By the time we reached the bus stop, the bus had gone. I started crying as my school bag was also lost. Someone had might must have stolen it. I got became so scared with very thoughts of my parents knowing finding out about everything.
    Anyway, when I didnít reach home, my father came to school in search of me. I was scolded and blamed for being the most careless girl in the family. I had lost my school water bottle, books, geometry box, everything that was in the bag.

    Today when I remember those days it brought brings a smile to my face. How stupid and naughty I was! I lost my bag and was scolded by my father just because of those small fruits. But I learnt from that bad experience that I should be more careful and wait for the bus instead of going somewhere else after school.
    Experiences, whether good or bad, always teach us something. or the other. Today I laugh at myself when I remember those light moments.

    There are many more experiences to share with you all but no time to type. I hope to hear from you all also about your childhood experiences.


  3. #3
    Roselin's Avatar
    Roselin is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: plz read the compositions and tell my mistakes.

    ummm..... I made so many mistakes (((, but I am happy that you corrected them, Raymott. Thanks a million!!

  4. #4
    Raymott's Avatar
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    Default Re: plz read the compositions and tell my mistakes.

    Quote Originally Posted by Roselin View Post
    ummm..... I made so many mistakes (((, but I am happy that you corrected them, Raymott. Thanks a million!!
    Only some of them were real grammatical mistakes.
    Some were merely suggestions to make it sound natural - not grammatical mistakes, but strange usages.
    Also, "I became scared" is better than "I got scared", especially in writing, but you could use "got" in speech.

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