Results 1 to 6 of 6
  1. #1
    LwyrFirat is offline Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    343
    Post Thanks / Like

    Being direct or not

    When talking with a native English speaker, should we express our feelings directly or is it considered as rudeness. For example a guy likes a girl. and he opens himself to this girl, but the girl doesn't find him atractive.In English speaking countries which response should be given;

    A- Sorry you are not my type
    B- Thank you very much, you are really a nice guy, but I want to keep my friendship with you, I believe a relationship would affect our friendship negatively etc.

    P.S: The above one is just an example, I just want to learn in social and business life . which way of speaking is preffered "direct" or "indirect".

    Thank you.

  2. #2
    Anglika is offline No Longer With Us
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    19,448
    Post Thanks / Like

    Re: Being direct or not

    In the matter of personal relationships, particularly with the opposite sex, you would be wise to avoid being too direct until you know the person well. It could easily cause offence.

    However, if I was a girl being propositioned by someone I don't like, I would possibly be very direct with the full intention of getting rid of that person - "What makes you think I would go out with you in a million years? Get lost!"; if, on the other hand, I quite liked the person but am not sure about him, then maybe "Thank you, but I have a lot on at the moment. I don't have a free moment for a couple of weeks." That leaves it with him to ask again after a while.

  3. #3
    Raymott's Avatar
    Raymott is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Academic
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • Australia
      • Current Location:
      • Australia
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    20,214
    Post Thanks / Like

    Re: Being direct or not

    "Thank you, but I have a lot on at the moment. I don't have a free moment for a couple of weeks." That leaves it with him to ask again after a while."

    But don't say this unless you mean it. It's just as cruel leading a guy on if you have no interest at all than it is to just tell him "no". In any case, this could well be taken for a refusal, and if you quite liked the guy, you might find that in a couple of weeks he's found someone else who is less reticent.
    Frankly, I don't like replies like that. If you have no intention of going out with him, say so, politely. "No, I don't think that would a good idea.", or even "I'm sort of seeing someone at the moment" (even if it's not true - after all, you're rejecting him, so it really doesn't matter).

    If you really aren't sure, but you think he is nice, you can say "I'm really not sure. I'd like to, but I have a lot on at the moment. Try me again in a few weeks, etc." This is more likely to get you a repeat request in a few weeks if that's what you want.

  4. #4
    LwyrFirat is offline Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    343
    Post Thanks / Like

    Re: Being direct or not

    By the way please don't misunderstand , I am a boy actually, i just wrote that as an example about being direct since it's the first thing that came up my mind.

  5. #5
    Raymott's Avatar
    Raymott is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Academic
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • Australia
      • Current Location:
      • Australia
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    20,214
    Post Thanks / Like

    Re: Being direct or not

    Quote Originally Posted by LwyrFirat View Post
    By the way please don't misunderstand , I am a boy actually, i just wrote that as an example about being direct since it's the first thing that came up my mind.
    Oh, well feel free to pass that on to the women you know.

  6. #6
    Anglika is offline No Longer With Us
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    19,448
    Post Thanks / Like

    Re: Being direct or not

    As a boy, it will help you in your relationships to take note of what reaction a girl might have!

Similar Threads

  1. Object direct or object prepositional
    By Melisa85 in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 13-Sep-2008, 16:55
  2. Direct Object
    By ancasandu in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 19-Jun-2008, 14:48
  3. Direct and Indirect speech
    By Rajendar in forum Teaching English
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 23-Dec-2007, 12:56
  4. both direct and approximate methods
    By nyggus in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 18-Sep-2007, 22:22
  5. direct / rediect
    By emily wong in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 04-Apr-2006, 06:00

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •