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  1. betty_wang
    Guest
    #1

    please correct my resume and cover letter, thank you!

    resume

    BETTY WONG

    No.25, Dongming Village, Sanlin Town Pudong New Area
    Shanghai, PR China, 200124
    Phone: 58531149 Mobile Phone: 13917303494
    E-mail: EMAIL REMOVED - Send PM to This User Instead

    ObjectiveSeeking a learning opportunity in a large corporation

    Summary of Qualification
     High score in Shanghai College Computer Certification Test, Level 1
     ERP ( Enterprise Resource Planning) application expert in Finance module
     Proficient with Microsoft Office ( Word, Excel, and Power Point), Windows XP Professional
     Good interpersonal communication, planning and organizational skills
     Native Chinese speaker, fluent in English ( Speaking, Reading, and Writing)
     College English Test Band 4 and 6
     Member of a debate association
     Ability to write and present successful business marketing plans

    EducationSydney Institute of Language and Commerce (SILC), Shanghai University
    Shanghai, China Expected June, 2005
    Field of Study Post Diploma of Shanghai University
    Bachelor Degree of International Economics and Trade
    Won scholarship of year 2004

    Relevant courses: Marketing, Financial Management, Accounting,
    Economics, Business Communication, E-Commerce

    ExperienceSales Research UFSOFT Corp. Ltd Shanghai, China
    July 2004 Do marketing research and deal with the feedback of customers. Also do the telephone-sales as well.


    Cover letterDear HR Manager:

    Application for position of the Assistant of Marketing ManagerI am a graduate of Sydney Institution of Language and Commerce (SILC), Shanghai University, major in International Trade and Economy. I am writing to express my keen interest in the assistant of Marketing Manager mentioned on the website.

    It is known to all that Siemens is a successful multinational corporation. It has such a great corporation culture that makes me willing to work in it; I believe that it is an opportunity of my business career. Since the management of the company is really developed, I can totally devote myself in work and show my personal ability. Though I have not so much experience in this field, I am a person who has good reacting ability and quite good a learning and I am convinced that I will learn much from my colleagues as soon as possible..

    You can see from the resume that I am major in International Trade and Economy and expected to graduate in June 2005. During my jackaroo period in UFSOFT Software Co. Ltd., I was involved in sales and marketing department. I am familiar with the skills of the mentioned position, and I am also capable of using almost all the office software. I am interested in this marketing field, as a result, I am full of enthusiastic to do well in this job.

    Because of my experience in UFSOFT Software CO. Ltd. and my super learning ability, I believe I am ready for the challenge that this position will bring to me and I have the confidence to do the job well. For this reason I have enclosed a copy of my resume for your consideration. I can be contacted on 139********, and I would be pleased to attend an interview at any time.


    Yours sincerely


    Betty Wong


    • Join Date: Apr 2004
    • Posts: 1,814
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    #2
    Your objective is not clear enough. I suggest that you should give a concrete goal such as looking for a position of salesperson, engineer, project manager and the likes. :D

  2. betty_wang
    Guest
    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by blacknomi
    Your objective is not clear enough. I suggest that you should give a concrete goal such as looking for a position of salesperson, engineer, project manager and the likes. :D


    many thanks to your suggestion :P


    • Join Date: Apr 2004
    • Posts: 1,814
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    #4
    I'm glad to see you again. You're welcome.


    • Join Date: May 2004
    • Posts: 727
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #5

    Re: please correct my resume and cover letter, thank you!

    Quote Originally Posted by betty_wang
    resume

    BETTY WONG

    No.25, Dongming Village, Sanlin Town Pudong New Area
    Shanghai, PR China, 200124
    Phone: 58531149 Mobile Phone: 13917303494
    E-mail: EMAIL REMOVED - Send PM to This User Instead

    ObjectiveSeeking a learning opportunity in a large corporation

    Summary of Qualification
     High score in Shanghai College Computer Certification Test, Level 1
     ERP ( Enterprise Resource Planning) application expert in Finance module
     Proficient with Microsoft Office ( Word, Excel, and Power Point), Windows XP Professional
     Good interpersonal communication, planning and organizational skills
     Native Chinese speaker, fluent in English ( Speaking, Reading, and Writing)
     College English Test Band 4 and 6
     Member of a debate association
     Ability to write and present successful business marketing plans

    EducationSydney Institute of Language and Commerce (SILC), Shanghai University
    Shanghai, China Expected June, 2005
    Field of Study Post Diploma of Shanghai University
    Bachelor Degree of International Economics and Trade
    Won scholarship of year 2004

    Relevant courses: Marketing, Financial Management, Accounting,
    Economics, Business Communication, E-Commerce

    ExperienceSales Research UFSOFT Corp. Ltd Shanghai, China
    July 2004 Do marketing research and deal with the feedback of customers. Also do the telephone-sales as well.


    Cover letterDear HR Manager:

    Application for position of the Assistant of Marketing ManagerI am a graduate of Sydney Institution of Language and Commerce (SILC), Shanghai University, major in International Trade and Economy. I am writing to express my keen interest in the assistant of Marketing Manager mentioned on the website.

    It is known to all that Siemens is a successful multinational corporation. It has such a great corporation culture that makes me willing to work in it; I believe that it is an opportunity of my business career. Since the management of the company is really developed, I can totally devote myself in work and show my personal ability. Though I have not so much experience in this field, I am a person who has good reacting ability and quite good a learning and I am convinced that I will learn much from my colleagues as soon as possible..

    You can see from the resume that I am major in International Trade and Economy and expected to graduate in June 2005. During my jackaroo period in UFSOFT Software Co. Ltd., I was involved in sales and marketing department. I am familiar with the skills of the mentioned position, and I am also capable of using almost all the office software. I am interested in this marketing field, as a result, I am full of enthusiastic to do well in this job.

    Because of my experience in UFSOFT Software CO. Ltd. and my super learning ability, I believe I am ready for the challenge that this position will bring to me and I have the confidence to do the job well. For this reason I have enclosed a copy of my resume for your consideration. I can be contacted on 139********, and I would be pleased to attend an interview at any time.


    Yours sincerely


    Betty Wong
    I do agree with Blacknomi. Be specific. Stay away from would, should and could. Stay away from things like "I am not ..." "I can learn..." - you are selling your services to a potential employer. Please go over your cover letter and correct some of the grammar. You are using your knowledge of the English language as part of your package! :wink:


    • Join Date: Apr 2004
    • Posts: 1,814
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #6

    Re: please correct my resume and cover letter, thank you!

    Thanks, twostep. :D

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