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  1. #1
    Livinitupcutie's Avatar
    Livinitupcutie is offline Newbie
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    Default Please help me revise this essay thank you

    English is not my first language so I was having a lot of problems with revising and editing..so pls help me

    Have you ever wondered why teenagers work at such a young age instead of wait till they get out of college? There are many reasons to why, it can be either positive or negative depending on their circumstances to why they choose to work. Teenagers work to gain freedom from their parents, to live independently, and to prepare them for the real world.

    Furthermore, parents can be strict by limiting their kids on how to spend their money. Teenagers can’t stand the restriction that is why many teenagers want to break free. Other reason is that most of them are not in sport, so they choose to go to work instead. Once they get pay they spend it on their wants and needs such as: clothing, foods, and accessories. Also, parents can’t complain on what they are going to spend their money on. They work to earn money on their own and don’t have to depend on their parents to pay everything for them. Another circumstance is that some parents might not be able to support their kids financially. Most parents have financial problems, so teenagers have to go out and find a job. Another reason is that the kids might not have enough amount of money that they would like, so they go to work to earn more money.

    Furthermore, by having a job teenagers are to be able to become independent and not feeling constricted by anyone, for they have the access to money. Once teenagers work, they get to learn how to be independent by actually working and have the feeling of accomplishment that they did something on their own to support themselves. They are to depend on themselves and not anyone else, because they are now realize that they’re not always are going to get financial help that they might need. Teenagers become more responsible with paying the bills and being mature on handling situations mentally and physically. While working they can’t slack off and decide on doing whatever they want for that it might cost them their job. By having a job and money, some teenagers have the chance to move out and live on their own. Moving out of their parent’s house is almost every teenager’s dream. They don’t need to ask for permission to go somewhere and to be able to do things their way, if they move out of their parent’s house.

    In addition, getting a job, it’s like getting a glimpse of what’s it like for the real world after college. Once getting a job, they are getting some ideas of how things work and being skillful at it. Getting a job, teenagers are to be able to learn how to balance their checkbook and pay their monthly bills. This helps them a whole lot for if they don’t have a job then they wouldn’t have any idea of how to do their personal financing. Teenagers knows what’s the expectations from their boss, so later on they would get the idea of what to expect from the boss that they’re going to work with in the future. They have the skills and experience to get the job done right with this it may help them in the long run. For example, if their careers are to be an accountant and their job as a cashier, it would help them for they know how to work with money. By having the experience on their jobs, this would make it easier for them with their future career.

    In conclusion, those are the reasons to why teenagers are to be able to gain their freedom, to learn how to be independent, and prepare them for the real world. There are many positive and negative in this matter and its each individual’s choice to choose whether or not to work. For whatever decision they choose, it will effect them later on in life.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Please help me revise this essay thank you

    There are two aspects to 'correcting' your essay: the spelling, and the structure. The first is easy.
    The second can feel brutal; and hence I hesitate, because on a recent trip to the US, I expressed surprise and said something like, "That can't be right" ( in a very nice, conversational way), about whether a regular train for Dover went through Ashford station. Surely our rail system was more accommodating than that: it would mean that there was no rail link from Dover and where the cruise ships docked, to Ashford and the trains to the Continent.) I said I would check it on the Internet at our next port of call. (As it happens, I was wrong - it doesn't!)
    The point is, that the person took umbrage (offence, annoyance) and I was considered to have 'attitood'. (This was not said to me, but came back to me via the grapevine.) By listening and observing the dinner table conversation for the rest of the cruise, I realized that Americans don't express disagreement with comparative strangers, and thereby, the conversations at the table remained bland and superficial. You can't have an in-depth conversation about a topic without some points of contention and friendly exchange of ideas.

    So...what would you wish?
    (and are you over 16?)
    Last edited by David L.; 10-Oct-2008 at 11:34.

  3. #3
    Livinitupcutie's Avatar
    Livinitupcutie is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Please help me revise this essay thank you

    yes i'm 16 and over

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