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  1. #1
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    Dec 2007
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    Default could you give me some advices

    I'm preparing my self for the TOEFL Test, and these days I'm working on the writing section.
    could you please read my writing and correct my mistakes
    your advices will help me a lot.
    thank you


    People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.



    Everyone has some ambitions to achieve. But we can never reach our ambitions unless we work hard and spend effort on it.


    In my opinion the reasons of attending college or university are exactly the ambition that every one is looking for. However, being ambitious is a good thing.


    Some people looks for a good position in their future career, for example you can't be a doctor if you don't enter the medicine faculty, and if you're aiming to be an engineer you have to study at one of the engineering faculties.


    At the same time we find some people who attend university because they want to earn more money in the future, because they are sure that an educated person have a chance to be rich more than uneducated one.


    We can find also some people their first priority is increasing their knowledge and having new experiences in general or in their jobs, and I can say that this group of people will be more successful than the other groups without saying that the others has ill will of attending university or college.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
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    Default Re: could you give me some advices

    You haven't mentioned your age.

    There are minor grammatical errors.
    Fixed
    Everyone has some ambitions to achieve(fragment, consider revising). But we can never achieve our ambition unless we work hard and put effort towards it.(use either the work hard, or the put effort, not both)

    In my opinion the reasons for attending college or university is because everyone desires to achieve their ambition.

    Some people look for a good position in their future career. For example you cannot be a doctor if you don't enter medical college, and if you are aiming to be an engineer you have to study at one of the engineering college.


    At the same time we find some people who attend university because they want to earn more money, because they are sure that as an educated person, they have a chance to be better off earning more than an uneducated person.


    We can find also some people whose priority is to increase their knowledge and having new experiences in their life.I strongly believe that this group of people will be more successful than the other group /without saying that the others has ill will of attending university or college/(fragment, consider revising).
    I put the fragment because I feel it isn't phrased properly and I unfortunately am not able to do a good job myself so I would be thankful if some experienced forumer would look into it.

  3. #3
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    Dec 2007
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    Default Re: could you give me some advices

    thank you very much...

  4. #4
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    Oct 2008
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    Default Re: could you give me some advices

    Please note that the word "advice" is an uncountable noun: it can never be quantified.

    Considering this, your title should be "Could you give me some advice"

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