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Thread: Formal email

  1. #1
    Blinda is offline Newbie
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    Default Formal email

    This is a formal email. I want to apply in a big company to do my final project with them. And I a need a really good formal style. Could you check that letter and give me proposals of improving it. Thank you!

    Dear Sir/Madame

    I am a postgraguate student at (the name of the university) in (the major). I did my bachelor degree in my country. My majors are:...
    I would like to ask is it possilbe ot do my final project in your company.
    It would be very useful for me to be part of your team, meet the friendly environment, gain new skills. In response I will produce a project with my observations, analysis, conslusions and proposals.
    I would be very grateful if you approve my application.

    Yours Sincerely:

  2. #2
    Snowcake's Avatar
    Snowcake is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: Formal email

    Quote Originally Posted by Blinda View Post
    This is a formal email. I want to apply in a big company to do my final project with them. And I a need a really good formal style. Could you check that letter and give me proposals of improving it. Thank you!

    Dear Sir/Madame

    I am a postgraguate student at (the name of the university) in (the major). I did my bachelor degree in my country. My majors are:...
    I would like to ask is it possilbe ot do my final project in your company.
    It would be very useful for me to be part of your team, meet the friendly environment, gain new skills. In response I will produce a project with my observations, analysis, conslusions and proposals.
    I would be very grateful if you approve my application.

    Yours Sincerely:
    Blinda, apart from a few mistakes in your text (a native speaker should have a look at it), I'd write something about the company. Why did you choose this company? What do find useful, impressive etc. about this company?
    Just another suggestion: leave out the sentence "I would like to ask if it is possible ..."
    Don't be so shy and modest. Tell something about yourself, about your skills, your knowledge, what you are interested in: draw attention to yourself! Why should they offer YOU a position and not somebody else? What do you think? What could you tell them to answer this question?

    Good luck!

  3. #3
    Raymott's Avatar
    Raymott is offline VIP Member
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    Default Re: Formal email

    Quote Originally Posted by Blinda View Post
    This is a formal email. I want to apply to a big company to do my final project with them. And I a need a really good formal style. Could you check the letter and give me proposals for improving it. Thank you!

    Dear Sir/Madam, [Madame is French]

    I am a postgraduate student (in the major) at (the name of the university). I did my bachelor degree in <my country>. My majors are: ...
    I would like to ask if it is possilbe to do my final project in your company.
    It would be very useful for me to be part of your team, meet the friendly environment, gain new skills. In response I will produce a project with my observations, analysis, conclusions and proposals.
    I would be very grateful if you approve my application.

    Yours Sincerely,
    Snowcake is right about giving the company a reason to take you on. You have adequately explained what you'll get out of it. But you haven't offered anything in return. (Apart from promising to snoop around, analyse the company, make some possibly damning conclusions about their company, and then take their trade secrets to your next placement.)
    I know that sounds facetious, but shouldn't the manager think about that?
    You haven't said that you intended to benefit the company.


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