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  1. #1
    hunliner is offline Newbie
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    proofreading - learning at home

    Hello, thank you for the possibility. My husband and I, we learn at home by watching movies and we try to speak sometimes English at home (our children learn also English, we try to help them) but we have no possibilities for verify our English. We decided on editing sometimes some texts about we saw. I don’t know if is it possible to ask some verification (we have no supervision about our English).

    Our target is to own the English in an acceptable level and do not commit very big faults. We also have our text on web (we can give the link): each of us made 1 page. But if it’s long, we can write here our critical sentences.

    What is the better thing to do? Thank you in advance.

  2. #2
    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
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    Re: proofreading - learning at home

    Corrections in blue.

    Quote Originally Posted by hunliner View Post
    My husband and I, we learn at home by watching movies and we try to speak sometimes English at home (our children learn also English, we try to help them)
    My husband and I learn at home by watching movies, and we sometimes speak English at home. (Our children also learn English. We try to help them.)

  3. #3
    hunliner is offline Newbie
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    Re: proofreading - learning at home

    Thanks RonBee
    And if I understand I have to send only short parts of the text for the correction and proofreading
    So the first paragraph:

    - - - -

    This is an interesting movie with special atmosphere. The beginning of the story gives us a strange feeling: we are above the clouds seeing a flying plane, we can hear a nice music and the voice of a young man telling us that this story is about of the last seven days of his life. So, at the beginning we know this man will not survive… and we know that the story is a fiction because it’s nonsense that somebody talks about his own life-end.

    - - - -

    The most important thing: I’m not sure on the proper utilization of the verb “talk” and “tell”. Thanks you. If you could verify the whole paragraph, also thank you

  4. #4
    Si Thu is offline Newbie
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    Re: proofreading - learning at home

    Dear Hunliner,

    I am not a teacher. But I would like to make some effort. When a teacher correct your paragraph, I can also check with my writing. If you mind my writing, just reply and I'll stop.

    --------

    It is an interesting movie with spectacular sceneries. Beginning of the story gives us a strange feeling: we are above the cloud viewing a plane flying, a beautiful piece of music plays at the background. At that time a voice of a young man appear telling his story about last seven days of his life. We know that young man will not live long since the beginning of the movie.

    --------

    I don't understand well the last sentence.

  5. #5
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    Re: proofreading - learning at home

    This is an interesting movie with special atmosphere. The beginning of the story gives us a strange feeling: we are above the clouds seeing a flying plane, we can hear a nice music and the voice of a young man telling us that this story is about of the last seven days of his life. So, at the beginning we know this man will not survive… and we know that the story is a fiction because it’s nonsense that somebody talks about his own life-end.

    This is an interesting movie with a special atmosphere. The beginning of the story gives the viewer an eerie feeling: we are above the clouds seeing a plane in flight, and hear beautiful music and the voice of a young man telling us that this story is about of the last seven days of his life. So, from the beginning, we know this man will not survive… and we know that the story is fantasy because he is telling us about how he died/ how his life ended.

    - - - -

    The most important thing: I’m not sure of the proper utilization of the verb “talk” and “tell”. Thank you. If you could verify the whole paragraph, then again, thank you.

    'talk' : this simply means to speak, to say words.
    'tell': this means that the person is using words (talking) or writing, specifically intending to give information, to tell a story, to tell someone some news.
    So - children are told they mustn't talk in class when they are supposed to be doing some work.
    Children will also go up to their teacher and tell the teacher about something exciting that is happening e.g. a child has just been told his parents are taking him to Disneyland.

    'nonsense' means absurd, worthless ideas, rubbish, such as a child being frightened because someone told him that Martians had landed and were killing everybody; and the parent tells him, that's nonsense, rubbish.
    So, to say that about the premise, the basis of the movie, is to dismiss the movie as being ridiculous, which is not your intent.

  6. #6
    hunliner is offline Newbie
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    Re: proofreading - learning at home

    Thanks Si Thu, you can post your opinion, thank you
    And I hope after David L.’s response you can understand my last sentence.

  7. #7
    hunliner is offline Newbie
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    Re: proofreading - learning at home

    Thank you very much, David L. that was very useful Particularly your mention about the word “nonsense” … that is always a fear in me as a foreign speaker to say or write something which is not my intent. Thank you again; and I'll send the following paragraph of my description about the movie.

  8. #8
    hunliner is offline Newbie
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    Re: proofreading - learning at home 2nd paragraph

    The words of the young man – he introduces himself – John Marczewski, suddenly becomes very personal. He continues talking to us as we were his wife, Elena (singular, 2nd person) – this way, we are involved inside of the sphere of the story. And when we see him at the first time appearing on the screen at the airport – he’s like one of our friends. It’s not difficult having this feeling, because he is very fine. There is a sorrow in his voice and eyes, but he isn’t depressive. There is also the life and the will of life on his behavior. He has plans, things to do… we almost forget that he will die.

  9. #9
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    Re: proofreading - learning at home

    Si Thu - no looking! Have a go at how you think hunliner's passage might be improved first.


    He introduces himself – John Marczewski – and the words of the young man suddenly become very personal. He continues to talk to us directly, as if he is talking to his wife, Elena. In this way, we are drawn into the sphere of the story, so that when we see him on the(omit) screen for the first time at the airport, he’s like one of our friends. It’s not difficult to have this feeling, because he is very likeable. There is a sadness in his voice and eyes, but he isn’t dejected: there is also a sense of life and purpose in his behavior. He has plans, things to do… we almost forget that he will die.

    depressive: this is more a psychiatric term; and even 'depressed' seems more of a diagnosis. I think 'isn't dejected' = not depressed; not dispirited
    is a better choice of word.

  10. #10
    Si Thu is offline Newbie
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    Re: proofreading - learning at home

    Thank you hunliner and David L. I will stay focus on your topics and let me participate sometimes.

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