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  1. #1
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    Default Please Correct my sentence

    The chief executive decided to back off the tax increase proposal three days after its introduction had stirred up a storm of criticism. The decision might pluck him from his sunk image, but it exposes a chief executive unsure of himself and his policy, undermining the image of strong and determined authority he has built up for years.

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    Default Re: Please Correct my sentence

    Quote Originally Posted by redgiant View Post
    The chief executive decided to back off the tax increase proposal three days after its introduction had stirred up a storm of criticism. The decision might pluck him from his sunk image, but it exposes a chief executive unsure of himself and his policy, undermining the image of strong and determined authority he has built up for years.
    The chief executive had proposed a tax increase, but after only three days, the storm of criticism that followed the proposal convinced him to rescind the decision. But would this back flip restore the respect of his employees, or would he be seen to be a weak leader with bad policies, thus undermining
    the image of strong and determined authority that he had built up over the years?

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    Default Re: Please Correct my sentence

    The chief executive backpedalled* on the tax increase proposal, three days after its introduction had stirred up a storm of criticism. The decision might salvage his sunken image, but it exposes a chief executive unsure of himself and his policies, and undermines the persona of the strong and determined authority built up over years.

    *(this avoids repetition in 'decided' and 'decision')
    Also, you are 'mixing images'. You have the 'ship image', with sinking and being salvaged, and so brought to the surface and exposed as having 'structural faults' as it were; and then the more land-based image of 'undermining'.

    You might consider keeping the images all related to the 'storm' of the criticism:
    The decision might patch up his battered image, but it leaves exposed a chief executive unsure of himself and his policies, and shakes to its (crumbling) foundations the persona of a strong and determined authority built up over years.
    Last edited by David L.; 28-Oct-2008 at 18:30.

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