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  1. #1
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    Default Please proofread this paragraph

    Dear teachers,
    I wrote this paragraph with some words I have learnt recently, I hope you can help me to proofread it, thanks

    Before joining "Extreme Wrestling Entertainment (EWE)" (a company), Tom Hutson had already been one of the most critically acclaimed prospects in the wrestling business. After his high school graduation, he joined several local wrestling tours, which gave him the first taste of fame. His agility, chiseled physique and power caught fans'eye rapidly. Three months later, he was poached by EWE with the promise of grooming him as a future HeavyWeight Champion. But his EWE 's debut match caused him considerable distress. The injury occurred when his opponent threw him over the ropes to the outside where he landed awkwardly.He had to be sidelined during the match with his collarbone broken. The injury had took him 12 months of his life. But the inauspicious beginning could not hinder him from pursuing his wrestling career. Working through his injury, he participated in a lot of charity works, which helped him build up a positive public persona. Perhaps, his keen mind in the business awarded him a speedy recovery, and he returned with greater fan base than before the injury.

  2. #2
    Anglika is offline No Longer With Us
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    Default Re: Please proofread this paragraph

    Quote Originally Posted by redgiant View Post
    Dear teachers,
    I wrote this paragraph with some words I have learnt recently, I hope you can help me to proofread it, thanks

    Before joining "Extreme Wrestling Entertainment (EWE)" (a company), Tom Hutson had already been one of the most critically acclaimed prospects in the wrestling business. After his high school graduation, he joined several local wrestling tours, which gave him the first taste of fame. His agility, chiseled physique and power caught fans' attention rapidly. Three months later, he was poached by EWE with the promise of grooming him as a future Heavy Weight Champion. But his EWE debut match caused him considerable distress. The injury occurred when his opponent threw him over the ropes to the outside where he landed awkwardly.He had to be sidelined during the match with his collarbone broken. The injury has taken up 12 months of his life. But the inauspicious beginning could not hinder him from pursuing his wrestling career. Working through his injury, he participated in a lot of charity works, which helped him build up a positive public persona. Perhaps his keen mind in the business awarded him a speedy recovery, and he returned with a greater fan base than before the injury.
    ..

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Please proofread this paragraph

    Quote Originally Posted by Anglika View Post
    ..
    You often help me a lot

    And I have one question,
    Why do you use present perfect tense in this sentence? "The injury has taken up 12 months of his life." ?

  4. #4
    Searching for language is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: Please proofread this paragraph

    I would replace has taken with took. The rest of the paragraph is in the past tense, so that should also be in the same tense.

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