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  1. #1
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    Please correct my short paragraph

    EWO, the Grammy award winner, continues to be assaulted by rash, which is so serious as that her heavy make-up fails to conceal her deteriorating skin. The skin problems have frustrated her a lot. Recently paparazzi photographed her with some scratches on her arm, which is believed to be due to her hysteria to the skin condition*. But not every one feel sorry about her. Some anti-EWO people taunts her as a faithful recreation of zombie in "Dawn of the Dead" , with some adapted videos on youtube, adding her face on some zombie movie clips.

    An article in "Daily News" by a dermatologist warning that unless she takes a year of skin rest from makeup , she could never recover. Perhaps She had read that article and heeded his advice. She decided to call off all shows scheduled in next two weeks at the cost of disappointing her fans. It fuels a lot of speculations that she is going to have a year hiatus. Judging from her poor condition, for the sakes of her fans and her health, she'd better temporarily stay away from the stage. All the fans hope that a year later, she may return with a brand new face.

    * I spent most time on this sentence but I am still unsure how to improve it.
    Last edited by redgiant; 01-Nov-2008 at 12:30.

  2. #2
    Anglika is offline No Longer With Us
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    Re: Please correct my short paragraph

    Quote Originally Posted by redgiant View Post
    EWO, the Grammy award winner, continues to be afflicted by a rash, which is so serious as that her heavy make-up fails to conceal her deteriorating skin. The skin problems have frustrated her a lot. Recently paparazzi photographed her with some scratches on her arm, which is believed to be due to her hysteria to the skin condition*. which is believed to be due to her hysterical response to her skin condition.But not every one feels sorry for her. Some anti-EWO people taunt her as a faithful recreation of a zombie in "Dawn of the Dead" , with some adapted videos on youtube, adding her face into some zombie movie clips.

    An article in the "Daily News" by a dermatologist warns that unless she takes a year of rest from makeup, she could never recover. Perhaps she had read that article and heeded his advice. She decided to call off all shows scheduled in next two weeks at the cost of disappointing her fans. It has fuelled a lot of speculation that she is going to have a year's hiatus. Judging from her poor condition, for the sake of her fans and her health, she'd better temporarily she would be wise to/would be well advised to stay away from the stage. All her fans hope that after a year off, she may return with a brand new face.

    * I spent most time on this sentence but I am still unsure how to improve it.
    ..

  3. #3
    kattie is offline Newbie
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    Re: Please correct my short paragraph

    "she'd better temporarily she would be wise to/would be well advised to stay away from the stage"

    Would you like to explain to me why we cannot use " she'd better" but " would be wise to/ ..."? I do not understant this case.
    Thank you :)

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