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  1. #1
    zil2mz is offline Newbie
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    Grammer Correction, Tips Please

    There are many diseases which take the life of many people daily. Three of those diseases are Sickle Cell Anemia, Albinism, Dyslexia, and Ashtma.

    Sickle Cell Anemia is a disease which affects the red blood cells in a person’s body. The disease transmutes the red blood cells into a more sickle- shaped cell. Symptoms of Sickle Cell first seem to begin when the child is three months old. The main issue with having sickle- shaped cells is that they block up the blood vessels blocking oxygen from parts of the body. Sickle Cell primarily affects African Mediterraneans, Middle Eastern, and Indian Ancestry are carriers, (Bojonowski). Among African Americans approximately one out of every 500 babies is diagnosed with Sickle Cell Anemia. It is estimated that globally there is one of approximately 250,000 babies with Sickle Cell Anemia. There are many symptoms of Sickle Cell Disease, the most severe including stroke and immune system failure. The Sickle Cell Gene must be inherited in pairs for it to be Sickle Cell Anemia. If only one trait is inherited the body can produce enough hemoglobin to be sufficient enough for the body. Common symptoms are fatigue, paleness, and shortness of breath. A brutal form of Anemia is aplastic anemia, in which causes an infection with parovius, a long single strand of DNA virus, which causes a halt to the production of new red blood cells this form of anemia is commonly called "aplastic crisis" (Kapes). Another symptom is enlarged spleen and infections. Sickle Cells stops blood flow through the spleen and other important organs in the body. Which causes the spleen to enlarge and leave it open to many infections. Chest pain can happen at almost any age for Sickle Cell Disease. The cells tend to block off blood vessels in the lungs causing sharp, acute pain in the chest. The result could be from as small as a fever or shortness of breath.

    Albinism is a very unique disease. Unlike most diseases the cause of it is the pigments in a person’s skin. Albinism is found in five out of 100,000 babies every year in Europe and America (Longe). The most common form of Albinism is called “oculocutaneous albinism”, which affects hair, skin, and eyes. Everyone with this form of Albinism encounters sensitivity to bright light. Albinism is caused when a gene for eyes or skin make less or no pigment for that gene. Strangely, it is possible to have one normal gene and one albino gene which will fortunately give the child normal skin and eye color. Dispelling a myth about albinism is that it supposedly causes people to have pink or red eyes. Infected individuals usually have irises varying from light gray to blue or even brown. Many people portray Albinos with red eyes; however, that is wrong because the red eye is simply like a “red eye” on a camera when taking a picture. One of the greatest dangers is when people with albinism have excessive sunlight exposure. Albinism is a very difficult disease to detect only two tests are currently available to identify the two forms of the condition. A blood test can be administered to identify a gene for some forms of albinism. There is no treatment that can replace the lack of melanin that causes the symptoms of albinism (Longe).
    Dyslexia is a learning disability involving confusion with intelligence and language skills. Dyslexia affects more boys than girls, the ratio being 5 to 1. Dyslexia is a family traceable gene. Teachers are now trained to recognize dyslexia. Many symptoms of dyslexia include lack of hearing sounds, delayed speech, difficulty of spoken words, difficulty of reading words, and many others. Treatment for Dyslexia is very small but many helpful then most other diseases. Usually a specialized education is used as a remedy. Some geneticists believe that five to fifteen percent of people have dyslexia. The exact cause of dyslexia has not been found. There are several differences between sound and visual information without dyslexia.

    Asthma is a disease that has affected me personally. Asthma has affected people of all ages. The American Lung Association estimates that in 2006, that more than 4 million children in the United States experienced asthma (Kagan). Approximately five to ten children are diagnosed with asthma. The ratio of asthma for boys to girls is 3 to 1.

    Diseases affect many people daily many of us are lucky not to have the diseases mentioned here.



    *My teacher said that all my citations are correct, I just simply have grammar mistakes. I am open to all criticism and any tips on making my essay and writing overall better. At last, I was wondering if anyone could help me on my Thesis and Conclusion my thesis needs more detail and I simply just suck at conclusions. Thanks for all the help!

  2. #2
    Anglika is offline No Longer With Us
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    Re: Grammer Correction, Tips Please

    Welcome to the forums.

    Quote Originally Posted by zil2mz View Post
    There are many diseases which take affect the life of many people daily. Three of those diseases are Sickle Cell Anemia, Albinism, Dyslexia [not a disease, and certainly not life-threatening], and Asthma.

    Sickle Cell Anemia is a disease which affects the red blood cells in a person’s body. The disease transmutes the red blood cells into a more sickle-shaped cell. Symptoms of Sickle Cell generally first seem to begin appear when the child is three months old. The main issue with having sickle-shaped cells is that they block up the blood vessels blocking , preventing oxygen from reaching other parts of the body. Sickle Cell primarily affects people of African Mediterranean, Middle Eastern, and Indian ancestry (Bojonowski). Among African Americans approximately one out of every 500 babies is diagnosed with Sickle Cell Anemia. It is estimated that globally approximately one in every 250,000 babies develops Sickle Cell Anemia.

    There are many symptoms of Sickle Cell Anemia. The most severe include strokes and immune system failure. The Sickle Cell gene must be inherited in pairs for it to be Sickle Cell Anemia. If only one gene is inherited, the body can produce enough hemoglobin to be sufficient for the body. Common symptoms are fatigue, paleness, and shortness of breath.

    A brutal form of Anemia is aplastic anemia, that develops an infection with parovius, a long single strand of DNA virus, which causes a halt to the production of new red blood cells. This form of anemia is commonly called "aplastic crisis" (Kapes). Another symptom is enlarged spleen and infections. Sickle Cells stops blood flow through the spleen and other important organs in the body, causing the spleen to enlarge and leave it open to many infections. Chest pain can happen at almost any age in Sickle Cell Anemia. The cells tend to block off blood vessels in the lungs causing sharp, acute pain in the chest. The result could be from as small as a fever or shortness of breath.

    Albinism is a unique condition. Unlike most diseases, it is the result of abnormality in pigments in a person’s skin. Albinism is caused when a gene for eyes or skin make less or no pigment for that gene. Albinism is found in five out of 100,000 babies every year in Europe and America (Longe). The most common form of Albinism is called “oculocutaneous albinism”, which affects hair, skin, and eyes. Everyone with this form of Albinism encounters sensitivity to bright light. Strangely, it is possible to have one normal gene and one albino gene, which will fortunately give the child normal skin and eye color. Dispelling a myth about albinism is that it supposedly causes people to have pink or red eyes. Infected individuals usually have irises varying from light gray to blue or even brown. Many people portray Albinos with red eyes; however, that is wrong because the red eye is simply like a “red eye” on a camera when taking a picture. One of the greatest dangers is when people with albinism have excessive sunlight exposure.

    Albinism is a very difficult disease to detect. Only two tests are currently available to identify the two forms of the condition. A blood test can be administered to identify a gene for some forms of albinism. There is no treatment that can replace the lack of melanin that causes the symptoms of albinism (Longe).

    Dyslexia is a learning disability involving confusion with intelligence and language skills. Dyslexia affects more boys than girls, the ratio being 5 to 1. Dyslexia is a family traceable gene. Teachers are now trained to recognize dyslexia. Many symptoms of dyslexia include lack of hearing sounds, delayed speech, difficulty of spoken words, difficulty of reading words, and many others. Treatment for Dyslexia is very small but many helpful then most other diseases. Usually a specialized education is used as a remedy. Some geneticists believe that five to fifteen percent of people have dyslexia. The exact cause of dyslexia has not been found. There are several differences between sound and visual information without dyslexia.
    Delete - not a disease

    Asthma is a disease that has affected me personally. Asthma affects people of all ages. The American Lung Association estimates that in 2006, more than 4 million children in the United States experienced asthma (Kagan). Approximately five to ten children are diagnosed with asthma. The ratio of asthma for boys to girls is 3 to 1.

    You really need to write a great deal more on Asthma, citing its possible origins, its links to environment and stress, possible treatments, and the effects it has on people and they way they live.

    Diseases affect many people daily. Many of us are lucky not to have the diseases mentioned here.



    *My teacher said that all my citations are correct, I just simply have grammar mistakes. I am open to all criticism and any tips on making my essay and writing overall better. At last, I was wondering if anyone could help me on my Thesis and Conclusion my thesis needs more detail and I simply just suck at conclusions. Thanks for all the help!
    ..

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