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    ArticEmbers is offline Newbie
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    Smile IOP short story...feedback please

    This is what I have so far...I'm linking it to the holocaust in 'The Reader'. Anyway can you give me feedback?

    IOP Short Story
    The rain never seemed to stop as it pounded heavily against the window. My eyes followed the trails of the liquid as it stained the glass. The glow from the candle swept across my face, my eyes wide and glistening in the light. It was dark outside possibly too dark to see anything clearly, even with a light. What scared me was the lightning that flashed across the abyss-it tore the fabric to a new reality that had been hidden from me. Perhaps I was naive to not see it, too young? I can still feel the ice under my feet as they touched the floorboards, the smell of burning fire wood wafting through my room, and the brief feeling of safety when the soft blanket encircled my small fingers as it was crushed against my palm weeks before. It was strange I felt guilty for not doing something anything but what could I do?
    ‘’Aya.’’ I heard a faint call and pushed it aside. Still stunned by what was happening outside. Even though I knew the voice I didn’t care, I couldn’t-not now. The faint sound of heels against the ground awoke me from my thoughts. I turned as the door was opening.
    ‘’ What are you doing up at this hour?’’ I didn’t reply. My mind elsewhere.
    ‘’Aya?’’ She seemed worried or maybe she was just tired.
    ‘’I couldn’t sleep.’’ My voice cold and hushed as it mixed with the silence. My attention back on the window.
    ‘’You need to cheer up Aya…I miss that smile of yours.’’ I heard the whisper as the door closed behind him. How could I not have changed when everyone around me had changed? I couldn’t recognize most of them. All the friends I knew were disappearing one after another and I was left. They never told me were they were going-they disappeared over night. During the day this reality was covered up by crowds, we never thought about what was happening not that they were careful and secretive about it because they weren’t-we all turned a blind eye. At night it was always seen. We weren’t allowed out past eight and I couldn’t process what was happening around me. Everything merged together into a mass that I couldn’t interpret. What was I to do when the life I grew to know suddenly turned into a dream and my nightmares turned into a reality? I flinched…they were doing it again. What right did they have? I don’t care who they were to me they have no right. What proof is there though? I’m just a kid I wouldn’t be able to stop them I’d only end up going with the others.
    My hand placed firmly against the window, my head just above the window latch. It was almost morning, I didn’t sleep that much anymore the images and sounds were there, they were always there, waiting to be seen or heard by anyone who would listen. The light was shielded by the rain and storm clouds and I knew that it would stay that way for some time. The only way I knew it was going to be morning was that he was home. He was never late and always did what he was told. I never did run up to greet him when he came home like my brother, I didn’t like the smell… it scared me. It didn’t seem to bother him or maybe it did he just hid it from us. I never understood what he does at work then again I don’t understand a lot about what’s happening around us. You couldn’t be you anymore you had to look, act, and think a certain way. I tried to do what they say but when your twelve none of this makes sense…you copy-do what others around you are doing. Maybe that’s what everyone else is doing, what my dad is doing. Just following orders doing his job. No, that was too simple.
    ‘’You’re up early.’’ I turn around to face him. He’s smiling-I tried to smile back. I’m trying to be nice but out of this whole family I’m the only one who has a hard time with what he does- they all accept it. I couldn’t.
    ‘’Couldn’t sleep.’’ I couldn’t look at him…ironically he did the work and I felt ashamed and guilty. No one saw it but me no one wanted to see it. I didn’t have a choice. I asked too many questions and got one too many answers.
    ‘’That’s not all.’’ No room for argument. I stayed silent he didn’t know I knew-suspected but didn’t know. The silence was horrible maybe it was due to the fact that I was tired but couldn’t sleep or maybe it was the fact that I wanted to know. It didn’t matter in the end I already broke it.
    ‘’Why?’’ The uncertainty in my voice clear.
    ‘’Why what, Aya?’’ I stared up at him-eyes never meeting his.
    ‘’Your job, why do you do it-the things you do to them?’’ I wanted to laugh, he looked so shocked. Did he think no one outside of his work would pick up on it? A young girl at that.
    ‘’How do you…Nevermind…Aya it’s my job have to its better then the alternative.’’ No he didn’t I could tell he was hiding something…did he enjoy it.
    ‘’What …’’ I was cut off by the sound of a door and being left alone again. I knew what the alternative was. It was a hard choice but isn’t he doing to others what he’s trying to save us from?
    Last edited by ArticEmbers; 13-Nov-2008 at 22:23.

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