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  1. #1
    goliath891 is offline Newbie
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    Default A Historic Election: Barack Obama

    tudent
    I needed someone to go over my essay. I want to be criticised to the max, only way i will learn.


    What is the important of Barack Obama election to the presidency for you?

    On December 4, 2008 Barack Obama was declared the forty-fourth president of the United State of America. Barack made history by being the first African American president. When I went to vote I and chose Obama, I felt he a change and change is what the country need the way the economy is going. Barack being selected president show that it wasn't a race factor, the voters chose the most intelligence person for the job. I proud that Obama is president and hope he come through to change America.
    Obama energy plan has lowing gas taxes, nuclear energy, greenhouse gas, coal and car standard. He has an energy plan will have an impact on the environment. The environment is a very important subject, it something we can't live without. His energy plan will forces oil companies making huge profits at the people expense to pay for their greed. It creates cleaner energy alternatives that reduce our dependence on foreign sources of energy. The way he going with the environment, is he trying to change it for the good. He trying to find way to reduce the negative impact on the environment without it affecting are life.
    His tax plan reduces the burden working people and senior citizens must live with while eliminating tax breaks for companies that expand their jobs to foreign countries. It also reward those company that crate more job for American. His tax plan will small business and benefit those that need the tax reduction.
    Obama does have some weakness also he not perfect. With security is where Im worried with him. I don't know how he will act if a country declared war on the USA. He say that he going to lower military spending but for me I feel that having a strong military will make people feel safe. He trying to get more of a peaceful environment and other country make think we are weak and try to take advantage of that. I know he just trying to make america a better place but we still going need security. Even with that we all should support Obama, and trust that he taking us in the right direction.

  2. #2
    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: A Historic Election: Barack Obama

    Suggestions:
    I need someone to go over my essay. I want to be criticized to the max. It's the only way I will learn.

    What is the importance of Barack Obama's election to the Presidency for you?
    Look over the essay to see if you can find any mistakes.


  3. #3
    goliath891 is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: A Historic Election: Barack Obama

    Quote Originally Posted by RonBee View Post
    Suggestions:
    I need someone to go over my essay. I want to be criticized to the max. It's the only way I will learn.

    What is the importance of Barack Obama's election to the Presidency for you?
    Look over the essay to see if you can find any mistakes.

    I did find some mistakes, but I want somebody to tell me all my mistake, so I can see what I keep missing

  4. #4
    Raymott's Avatar
    Raymott is offline VIP Member
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    Default Re: A Historic Election: Barack Obama

    Quote Originally Posted by goliath891 View Post
    I did find some mistakes, but I want somebody to tell me all my mistake, so I can see what I keep missing
    There are some blatant errors that you should fix first. It's a bit impolite asking others to correct your essay when you haven't bothered proofreading it yourself first.
    "...I felt he a change and change is what the country need..." C'mon.

  5. #5
    supada is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: A Historic Election: Barack Obama

    Quote Originally Posted by goliath891 View Post
    tudent


    On December 4, 2008
    It was November 4th.

  6. #6
    susiedqq is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: A Historic Election: Barack Obama

    An Historic Election

  7. #7
    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: A Historic Election: Barack Obama

    Quote Originally Posted by susiedqq View Post
    An Historic Election
    The title is mine. The aitch is aspirated.

    "A historic" or "an historic"?
    an historic

    Find a Historic Site

    Standard 1. Each Federal agency establishes and maintains a historic preservation program that is coordinated by a qualified Preservation Officer, and that is consistent with and seeks to advance the purposes of the National Historic Preservation Act.
    Federal Agency Historic Preservation Program

    A historic district in the United States is a group of buildings, properties or ... A state listing of a historic district on a "State Register of Historic Places, ...
    Historic district (United States - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia)

  8. #8
    susiedqq is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: A Historic Election: Barack Obama

    With so much emphais on the pronouciation of the word Historical, I think that An works better, just because it makes the H easier to say.

    pronounced as "En"

    Just my opinion.

  9. #9
    RonBee's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Historic Election: Barack Obama

    Quote Originally Posted by goliath891 View Post

    On December 4, 2008 Barack Obama was declared the forty-fourth president of the United State of America. Barack made history by being the first African American president. When I went to vote I and chose Obama, I felt he a change and change is what the country need the way the economy is going. Barack being selected president show that it wasn't a race factor, the voters chose the most intelligence person for the job. I proud that Obama is president and hope he come through to change America.
    How would you change that so it is readable and grammatical?


  10. #10
    jlinger is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: A Historic Election: Barack Obama

    Well, as pointed out, it was November 4, not December. Obama was not declared president, he was elected. There is more than one United State in America. Barack has not made history by becoming the first African-American president, yet. He has to wait till January 20 for that. I suspect you felt he offered a change and that change is what the country needs, the way the economy is going. Again, he wasn't selected, he was elected, and it shows (at least in your opinion) that race wasn't a factor; [semicolon] voters chose the most intellegent person for the job. I, too, am proud that Obama will be president and share your hope that he can change America for the better.

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