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    #1

    Urgent! Please give me a brief check for grammatical errors

    Hello everyone! My name is Samson, I am a freshman on this forum, I've been reading the posts here and I found this a very useful forum to learn right English application. I have here a personal statement essay for application of scholarship, which is to be due tomorrow, due to the urgency, can some of us just read and help me to do a brief check for grammatical errors in the essay? Thank you very much for your assistance! I very much appreciate! Here it is...

    To Whom It May Concern,

    I am writing to apply for a Li & Fung Scholarship for the exchange programme in spring semester at the University of Nottingham, United Kingdom.

    Beginning with my academic achievements, I scored 3 C’s in my GCE A Levels and 2 A’s, 1 B, 2 C’s and 2 D’s in my GCE O Levels. I have also received academic awards for excellent performance in Chinese language, history and art during my time in secondary school.

    Although I managed a 7.5 for my IELTS score, I think this can only indicate my English performance during the time of examination, and I seek to achieve perfection. I personally believe that as an effort to achieve perfection in the language, an environment for application is essential, and certainly UK is the best place for this.

    My personal experience can illustrate my independency. I have been studying in different countries, I had managed to get adapted to the local communities quickly, by learning about the local culture and practice it, this allowed me to mingle with the local communities without much assistance from others. I am autonomic, in terms of behaviour, decision making and thinking, this is attributed to my parents’ mentality of independency for survival, from this I have learned to strive for myself.

    To be honest, I have not had much significant leadership experience before, but I always seek for opportunities to equip myself with leadership qualities and characters. I am good at observation at others’ difficulties and needs, and I always take the initiative to help. I always take the initiative to lead discussions for school tasks, very often it happens that everyone become silent, and I always break the ice by trying to facilitate sustainable communication.

    I have been participating in various kinds of extra-curricular activities, from cultural ones such as drama, piano playing performance, international cultural exchange in Russia, to challenging the extreme of my physical and mental capabilities- motorsports, where I have learned the importance of team spirit and concentration. I find every activity as a gain in my life.

    A curriculum vitae of mine has been attached as reference to further assess me.

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    #2

    Exclamation Re: Urgent! Please give me a brief check for grammatical errors

    To whom it may concern,

    I would like (am writing) to apply for a Li & Fung Scholarship for the exchange programme in spring semester at the University of Nottingham, United Kingdom.

    As regards (Beginning with) my academic achievements, I scored 3 Cís in my GCE A Levels and 2 Aís, 1 B, 2 Cís and 2 Dís in my GCE O Levels. I have also received academic awards for excellent performance in Chinese language, history and art while studying (during my time) in secondary school.

    Although I managed a 7.5 for my IELTS score, I think this is (can) only an indication of my English performance at (during) the time of examination, though (and) I seek to achieve perfection. I personally believe that as an effort to achieve perfection in the language, an environment for application development is essential, and certainly UK is the best place for this.

    My personal experience can illustrate my independency. I have been studying in different countries where I had managed to get adapted to the local communities quickly, by learning (about) the local culture and practicing it. This allowed me to mingle with the local communities without much assistance from others. I am autonomic, in terms of behavior, decision making and thinking, which (this) is attributed to my parentsí mentality of independency for survival, and from this I have learned to strive for myself.

    To be honest, I have not had much significant leadership experience before, but I always look (seek) for opportunities to equip myself with leadership qualities and characters. I am good at observation of (at) othersí difficulties and needs, and initiate steps (I always take the initiative) to help. I always take the initiative to lead discussions for school tasks, very often it so happens that everyone become silent, and it is I who always break the ice by trying to facilitate sustainable communication.

    I have been participating in various kinds of extra-curricular activities, from cultural ones such as drama, piano playing performance, international cultural exchange in Russia, to challenging the extreme of my physical and mental capabilities- motor sports, where I have learned the importance of team spirit and concentration. I take/find every activity as a gain in my life.

    A curriculum vitae of mine has been attached as a reference for (to) further assessment (me).

    Delete words in brackets

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    #3

    Re: Urgent! Please give me a brief check for grammatical errors

    Thank you for your assistance Ms.Mallick!


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    #4

    Re: Urgent! Please give me a brief check for grammatical errors

    Quote Originally Posted by F1challenger View Post
    Hello everyone! My name is Samson, I am a freshman on this forum, I've been reading the posts here and I found this a very useful forum to learn right English application. I have here a personal statement essay for application of scholarship, which is to be due tomorrow, due to the urgency, can some of you just read and help me to do a brief check for grammatical errors in the essay? Thank you very much for your assistance! I very much appreciate your help! Here it is...

    To Whom It May Concern, [Find out the name/title of the person in charge of applications and use it. Open greetings like this do no catch attention]

    I am writing to apply for a Li & Fung Scholarship for the exchange programme during the spring at the University of Nottingham, United Kingdom.

    Beginning with my academic achievements, I received 2 Aís, 1 B, 2 Cís and 2 Dís in my GCE O Levels and 3 Cís in my GCE A Levels. I have also received academic awards for excellent performance in Chinese language, history and art during my time in secondary school.

    Although I managed a 7.5 for my IELTS score, I think this can only indicate my English performance during the time of examination, and I seek to achieve perfection. I personally believe that, as an effort to achieve perfection in the language, an environment for its application is essential, and certainly the UK is the best place for this.

    My personal experience can illustrate my independence. I have studied in several countries and have always managed to adapt to the local communities quickly, learning about the local culture and practicing it. This enabled me to mingle with the local communities without much assistance from others. I am autonomous in terms of behaviour, decision making and thinking. This stems from my parentsí mentality of independency for survival, and from this I have learned to strive for myself.

    To be honest, I have not had much significant leadership experience before, but I always seek for opportunities to equip myself with leadership qualities and characters. I am good at observation at othersí difficulties and needs, and I always take the initiative to help. I always take the initiative to lead discussions for school tasks, very often it happens that everyone become silent, and I always break the ice by trying to facilitate sustainable communication. Omit - not relevant to applying for a scholarship.

    I have been participating in various kinds of extra-curricular activities, from cultural ones such as drama, piano playing, and an international cultural exchange in Russia, to challenging the extreme of my physical and mental capabilities, notably in motor sports, where I have learned the importance of team spirit and concentration. I find every activity as a gain in my life.

    Attached is my curriculum vitae for your information.
    ..

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    #5

    Re: Urgent! Please give me a brief check for grammatical errors

    To Whom It May Concern - the words are normally capitalized (as in 'Dear Sir')

    My personal experience can illustrate my independency.
    I don't think the word is correctly used. Teachers, care to explain?

    not a teacher

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    #6

    Re: Urgent! Please give me a brief check for grammatical errors

    Quote Originally Posted by Anglika View Post
    ..
    First of all they've refused to tell me the name of the person in charge, and about the part about independence, I too did not feel like writing about it for a scholarship but I had to because I learned that this was a required content. Thanks.

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    #7

    Re: Urgent! Please give me a brief check for grammatical errors

    Quote Originally Posted by tedtmc View Post
    To Whom It May Concern - the words are normally capitalized (as in 'Dear Sir')


    I don't think the word is correctly used. Teachers, care to explain?

    not a teacher
    If you refer to my original piece, I had capitalized the words, but the I saw a amendment to that, I wasn't sure so I just use the amended version since I had no time to do further changes before handing it up.


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    #8

    Re: Urgent! Please give me a brief check for grammatical errors

    To be honest, I have not had much significant leadership experience [before], but I always seek for opportunities to equip myself with leadership qualities [and characters]. I am good at observation at observing othersí difficulties and needs, and I always take the initiative make every effort to help. I always take the initiative to lead in leading discussions for school tasks. Very often it happens that everyone become silent, and I always break the ice by trying to facilitate sustainable communication.

    Omit bracketed words

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    #9

    Re: Urgent! Please give me a brief check for grammatical errors

    Thanks!

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