Results 1 to 6 of 6
  1. #1
    thedaffodils's Avatar
    thedaffodils is offline Key Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Other
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • China
      • Current Location:
      • China
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    3,945
    Post Thanks / Like

    Lightbulb [Fable] Canary and Sparrow

    .
    .
    This is my English practice. The storyline was not created by my own self. Could you please proofread my writing at your convenience? Many thanks!


    Canary and Sparrow


    A handsome canary stood in a nice cage combing through carefully its own plumage, and it suddenly felt a bit bored.

    The canary sang songs as a morning ritual for its master before he went out to work. Its master said he would be full of beans after listening to its songs each time, so the canary always tried its best to perform for him. And then, it was left in the cage spending a long lonely day with nothing to do.

    One day, the master drove off his luxurious limousine away, and the canary stayed alone as usual in the balcony. Accidently a little sparrow barged into, probably losing its way. The little sparrow saw the canary and said cheerfully, "Howdy! What a sunny day! I was fascinated by your wonderful trilling just now. I'd like to invite you to enter our Forest Singing Contest. I bet you will be a surefire showstopper and winner."

    A glimmer of excitement flashed in the canary's eyes, but it soon put on it usual haughty air, saying coldly, "What neck of wood do ya come from, boychick? How could I stay with that sort of geeks like ya? Get yer butt out of here right away."

    The litte sparrow wasn't really miffed about the canary's offensive remarks. It looked around the narrow balcony and said, "You've got some attitude, guv. Here're no colourful flowers to enjoy, no green trees to frolic, no azure sky to fly, and no bosom pals to talk. Don't you feel lonely and bored?"

    "Sour grapes", the canary sneered. Rolling its beady eyes, it continued, "Have ya got a nest as exquisite as my cage? Have ya got a glittering golden anklet like mine? Have ya got bountiful palatable food every meal while needlessly hunting around for it rain or shine? Peewee, how could ya understand my choice with yer provincial outlook?"

    The little sparrow said seriously, "Canary, I indeed don't understand your choice. If I were you, I would never sacrifice my freedom and dignity for all the tea in China. I kinda pity you."
    .
    .
    Last edited by thedaffodils; 19-Nov-2008 at 12:21. Reason: listening->listening to; pity on you->pity you

  2. #2
    Reemy's Avatar
    Reemy is offline Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Other
      • Native Language:
      • Arabic
      • Home Country:
      • Jordan
      • Current Location:
      • Jordan
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Posts
    310
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: [Fable] Canary and Sparrow

    The verb listen necessarily needs to , so it should be listening to. In the last phrase, if you intend to use the word pity as a verb so no need for the preposition on.

  3. #3
    thedaffodils's Avatar
    thedaffodils is offline Key Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Other
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • China
      • Current Location:
      • China
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    3,945
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: [Fable] Canary and Sparrow

    Quote Originally Posted by Reemy View Post
    The verb listen necessarily needs to , so it should be listening to. In the last phrase, if you intend to use the word pity as a verb so no need for the preposition on.
    Hi Reemy,

    Thank you very much for taking time to read the story and pointing out the solecisms of mine.

    I know "listen to" but always forgot it. I hope this is the last time for this error I made.

  4. #4
    Reemy's Avatar
    Reemy is offline Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Other
      • Native Language:
      • Arabic
      • Home Country:
      • Jordan
      • Current Location:
      • Jordan
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Posts
    310
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: [Fable] Canary and Sparrow

    I enjoyed reading it. :)

  5. #5
    Anglika is offline No Longer With Us
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    19,448
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: [Fable] Canary and Sparrow

    Quote Originally Posted by thedaffodils View Post
    .
    .
    This is my English practice. The storyline was not created by my own self. Could you please proofread my writing at your convenience? Many thanks!


    Canary and Sparrow


    A handsome canary stood in a nice cage combing through carefully its own plumage, and it suddenly felt a bit bored.

    The canary sang songs as a morning ritual for its master before he went out to work. Its master said he would be full of beans after listening to its songs each time, so the canary always tried its best to perform for him. And then it was left in its cage, spending a long lonely day with nothing to do.

    One day, its master drove off in his luxurious limousine, and the canary stayed alone as usual in the balcony. Accidently a little sparrow barged into the cage, probably having lost its way. The little sparrow saw the canary and said cheerfully, "Howdy! What a sunny day! I was fascinated by your wonderful trilling just now. I'd like to invite you to enter our Forest Singing Contest. I bet you will be a surefire showstopper and winner."

    A glimmer of excitement flashed in the canary's eyes, but it soon put on its usual haughty air, saying coldly, "What neck of wood do ya come from, boychick? How could I stay with that sort of geeks like ya? Get yer butt out of here right away."

    The litte sparrow wasn't really miffed about the canary's offensive remarks. It looked around the narrow balcony and said, "You've got some attitude, guv. Here're no colourful flowers to enjoy, no green trees to frolic in, no azure sky to fly through, and no bosom pals to talk to. Don't you feel lonely and bored?"

    "Sour grapes," the canary sneered. Rolling its beady eyes, it continued, "Have ya got a nest as exquisite as my cage? Have ya got a glittering golden anklet like mine? Have ya got bountiful palatable food every meal without the pain of needlessly hunting around for it rain or shine? Peewee, how could ya understand my choice with yer provincial outlook?"

    The little sparrow said seriously, "Canary, I indeed don't understand your choice. If I were you, I would never sacrifice my freedom and dignity for all the tea in China. I kinda pity you."
    .
    .
    ..

    I like your use of colloquialisms

  6. #6
    thedaffodils's Avatar
    thedaffodils is offline Key Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Other
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • China
      • Current Location:
      • China
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    3,945
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: [Fable] Canary and Sparrow

    Hi Anglika,

    I appreciate your help!

    And the kind comments of yours and Reemy's about writing and story really cheer me up. Thank you very much!

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •