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  1. #1
    asdasd159263 is offline Newbie
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    Help with Fixing a short paragraph i wrote on The Beatles.

    I'm not an English native speaker and i need some help fixing bad grammer, spelling and all of those things in a short paragraph, i will be glad if you help because it is quite important. thank you so much.
    the paragraph is actually an introduction i wrote, and here it is:
    I chose the pop and rock band The Beatles as my project topic. I chose a music band because I think they have a greater influence on us than some kind of sportsman for example.
    I focused on The Beatles because I think they are one of the greatest bands in musical history.
    I think it isn't just a regular band, because they are trying to deliver a message and criticized things in life through their songs and that is really interesting me.

    As I start the project I already know that The Beatles have influenced the music we listen to today. For example they brought innovations recording technique and were part of psychedelic phenomenon in music, a call for peace and friendship on the one hand, and influence of drugs on the other.

    When I finish the project I hope I'll find out about their songs dipper meaning. What did they write about, for who and why.
    Moreover I would like to know more about The Beatles' days as they only started their music career. I guess it isn't easy to become that successful band and I am wondering what did The Beatles do and how did they act in those first times as a starting band.
    simply copy paste the paragraph and correct the grammer mistakes.
    you don't have to be a teacher or something, only an English native speaker.
    thanks in advance, i really appreciate it.

  2. #2
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    Re: Help with Fixing a short paragraph i wrote on The Beatles.

    (Not a teacher) Suggested changes are in upper case:

    I chose the pop and rock band The Beatles as my project topic. I chose a music band because I think they have a greater influence on us than DO OTHER GROUPS, SUCH AS SPORTS FIGURES.
    I focused on The Beatles because I think they are one of the greatest bands in musical history.
    I think it isn't just a regular band, because they are trying to deliver a message and OFTEN CRITICIZE ASPECTS OF life through their songs, and that is really interesting TO me.


    As I start the project I already know that The Beatles have influenced the music we listen to today. For example they INTRODUCED INNOVATIVE recording techniques and were part of THE psychedelic phenomenon in music, WHICH WAS a call for peace and friendship on the one hand, and FOR TOLERANCE of drug USE on the other.


    When I finish the project I hope I'll find out about their songs' DEEPER meaningS. What did they write about, for whoM, and why?
    Moreover, I would like to know more about The Beatles' LIVES as they WERE startING their music career. I guess it isn't easy to become A successful band and I am wondering what the Beatles DID and how they actED AS THEY WERE BEGINNING THEIR band.
    Last edited by Greg Forbes; 23-Nov-2008 at 22:29.

  3. #3
    colloquium is offline Senior Member
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    Re: Help with Fixing a short paragraph i wrote on The Beatles.

    I chose the pop and rock band The Beatles as my project topic. I chose a band because I think musicans have a greater influence on people than, for instance, sports stars.

    I focused on The Beatles because I think they are one of the greatest bands in musical history.

    I don't think the beatles were just a regular band, because they tried to deliver an important message through their songs, they were vocal about real issues and that is really interesting to me.

    Upon beginning this project I already know that The Beatles have influenced the music we listen to today. For example they brought innovations in recording techniques and were part of psychedelic phenomenon in music, a call for peace and friendship on the one hand, and influence of drugs on the other (are you trying to say that they were influenced by drugs or that they promoted drugs?).

    When I finish the project I hope to have found out more about their songs deeper meaning. What they wrote about, for who and why.

    Moreover I would like to know more about The Beatles' days as they only started their music career (this is also unclear. Can you rephrase it?). I guess it isn't easy to become a band that successful and I am wondering what The Beatles did and how did they acted during the initial period when they started out as a band.

    These are my suggestions. The underlined sections are unclear to me and need fixing.


  4. #4
    asdasd159263 is offline Newbie
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    Re: Help with Fixing a short paragraph i wrote on The Beatles.

    Quote Originally Posted by colloquium View Post
    I chose the pop and rock band The Beatles as my project topic. I chose a band because I think musicans have a greater influence on people than, for instance, sports stars.



    I focused on The Beatles because I think they are one of the greatest bands in musical history.

    I don't think the beatles were just a regular band, because they tried to deliver an important message through their songs, they were vocal about real issues and that is really interesting to me.


    Upon beginning this project I already know that The Beatles have influenced the music we listen to today. For example they brought innovations in recording techniques and were part of psychedelic phenomenon in music, a call for peace and friendship on the one hand, and influence of drugs on the other (are you trying to say that they were influenced by drugs or that they promoted drugs?). i mean they were influenced by drugs.



    When I finish the project I hope to have found out more about their songs deeper meaning. What they wrote about, for who and why.


    Moreover I would like to know more about The Beatles' days as they only started their music career (this is also unclear. Can you rephrase it?). i mean that i'd like to know about their beginning. when they only started to perform and compose songs. I guess it isn't easy to become a band that successful and I am wondering what The Beatles did and how did they acted during the initial period when they started out as a band.

    These are my suggestions. The underlined sections are unclear to me and need fixing.

    i rephrased the unclear lines and they appear in red.
    thanks you, and thank you Greg Forbes too. ;)

  5. #5
    colloquium is offline Senior Member
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    Re: Help with Fixing a short paragraph i wrote on The Beatles.

    I would consider removing the idiom "on the one hand..." as it is usually used to present two opposing facts; the two things you are using it to contrast don't make up an opposing pair. Promoting peace and friendship and drugs are two things which I think are quite commonly related.

    Something like this might be more appropriate:

    For example, they brought innovations in recording techniques, and were part of the drug influenced psychedelic phenomenon in music through which they called for peace and friendship.


    The second part only needs a few minor adjustments:

    Moreover I would like to know more about The Beatles' early days when they first started their music career

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