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  1. #1
    asap8210 is offline Newbie
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    Default can someone revise my personal statement?

    (i really don't know how to start with the first paragraph)

    During the four years of my undergraduate study, I have taken numerous courses in Accounting, Finance, and Business Management. This has exposed me to the various aspects of the accounting field and prepared me to learn more for the future career objectives.

    In July 2007, I started my first job as a Financial Clerk in ABC company. My activities within this position included accounts receivable, accounts payable, bookkeeping, and office’s budget. Through this job, I applied my accounting theory in a real-world environment, ...(can someone make it complete?)

    After one year experience in ABC company, I was employed by DEF Bank as a Marketing Officer. This job not only had extremely demanding requirement on marketing skills but also made highly demands in the analytic capability. As a marketing officer who served most of the local companies, I must know my customers well by means of examining companies’ financial reports, checking their business documents, etc., to ensure that they had normal background and business relationship so as to protect our bank against fraud and money laudering. Furthermore, I must ensure that all my performances were compliant with bank policies and procedures. In addition to this position, I have been responsible for the branch’s IT maintainance because of my proficient computer skills. In this capacity, I got the chance to be familiar with a number of softwares used to facilitate accounting procedures. The two years banking experience provides me a lot in my early career: the communication and negotiation skills, the knowledge of gerneral accounting procedures, the hands-on experience in risk analysis, especially, the real interest in the internal auditing field.

    In August 2007, I resigned from DEF Bank and then participated in a cultural exchange program in U.S. The true personal reason is capitalizing this change to improve my English and pursue my master’s degree in U.S. Since arriving alone in U.S. in September 2007, I have enjoying the satisfaction of knowing that I can accept challenges, remain focused and achieve what I set out to accomplish. While keeping my aims constantly in view, I took some courses at Anne Arundel Community College and USDA Graduate School to enhance my English and maths skills for the future education. Through my effort, I have developed excellent communication skills with people of different cultural backgrounds. I also got “A” grades in all my registered courses.

    My long-term goal is to pursue a career as a CPA with a public accounting firm. For this reason, I am seeking a professional accounting program that will further my professional objectives and fulfill my educational requirements. I sincerely believe that, the three years working experience in financial department, coupled with my education in finance and my strong desire for professional growth in my interested area, will enable me to successfully fulfil the Master of Science in Business Accounting program.

  2. #2
    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: can someone revise my personal statement?

    Quote Originally Posted by asap8210 View Post
    (i really don't know how to start with the first paragraph)

    During the four years of my undergraduate study, I have taken numerous courses in Accounting, Finance, and Business Management. This has exposed me to the various aspects of the accounting field and prepared me to learn more for the future career objectives.
    I would change the last sentence. Perhaps:
    This has exposed me to the various aspects of the accounting field and has prepared me to achieve my career objectives.
    What do you think?



  3. #3
    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: can someone revise my personal statement?

    Quote Originally Posted by asap8210 View Post
    In July 2007, I started my first job as a Financial Clerk in ABC company. My activities within this position included accounts receivable, accounts payable, bookkeeping, and office’s budget. Through this job, I applied my accounting theory in a real-world environment, ...(can someone make it complete?)
    Perhaps:
    In July 2007, I started my first job as a Financial Clerk in ABC company. My activities within this position included accounts receivable, accounts payable, bookkeeping, and the office budget. On this job I had the opportunity to apply the accounting theories I learned to real-world situations.
    What do you think?

  4. #4
    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: can someone revise my personal statement?

    Quote Originally Posted by asap8210 View Post
    After one year experience in ABC company, I was employed by DEF Bank as a Marketing Officer.
    I suggest:
    After one year of working for ABC Company, I was employed by DEF Bank as a Marketing Officer.

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