Results 1 to 2 of 2
  1. #1
    mara25 is offline Newbie
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    1
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default need help with my essay!

    Hello,

    I am applying for a scholarship and i need some feedback on my essay. Its over the word limit, i know, but this is the first draft. i want to know if the tone is ok and if it fullfills the requirements asked in the essay question. thanks.

    Please use this space to write a clear and short letter of support (of no more than 400 words) for your application for this scholarship. In particular, state your reasons for taking Continue on a separate sheet if necessary.

    I took my first leap of faith when I closed my eyes and jumped off a 6-foot high wardrobe, believing I could fly. For about two seconds I did - until gravity caught up with me and gave another first; a lesson in humility. I learned, in retrospect, that it is good to dream and believe in things beyond one’s bounds, but it never hurts to keep things in perspective. I was 6 then.

    Years later, I found myself looking down long and hard before another jump. As a fresh graphic design graduate, top three in my art school and with offers from leading agencies, I was all set to make my mark in the world of advertising. Fate however, had other plans. Having completed my bachelors and in my 20s, I was expected to get married and settle down, leaving all hopes and dreams of a career far behind. Despite immense pressure from family and society, I decided to take a stand. Not only was I going to pursue a career, I was now determined to follow my dream of becoming a professional animator - I took the leap. In the face of adversity, my perseverance triumphed and I managed to set up an office as a freelance animator. Now, I am proud of being one of a handful of female animators in Pakistan and one of the very few animators doing experimental and traditional animation in the country.

    The history of Pakistani animation does not go too far back. It is only in the last 10 to 15 years that the industry has taken shape. In a bid to compete with global trends the local industry has made a somewhat direct leap into 3D and contemporary animation, leaving the areas of traditional and experimental animation largely unexplored. In my work, I investigate these techniques as I firmly believe that both these areas are integral in order to find our own voice and identity - the traditional, to understand the roots and basics of this art form, and the experimental, to go beyond those underlying rules and break new ground.

    Animation as a course is not being offered by many of the leading universities in Pakistan.Like many local animators, I take pride in having learned through my own resourcefulness, often experimenting and inventing my own techniques where necessary.But there are also certain limitations when learning through trial and error. With the lack of opportunity in Pakistan, I feel that further learning abroad is the best option for me. Through your MA course in Art & Media Practice at the University of Westminster, I look forward to working with leading practitioners in this field. It offers the freedom to experiment with and fuse different media, which is closer to my methods as a professional and being a hands-on practice- based course, it will allow me to build on my existing skills.

    With the knowledge gained from my masters, I intend to take Pakistani animation a step beyond TV commercials and the one off music video. To this day, there have been no locally produced animated shows. In the next two years I plan to produce an educational cartoon series for children in Urdu. Having already conducted a few workshops at my alma mater, I intend to teach at local schools and universities to create awareness about this subject and provide a base for future animators.

    As a developing country, in Pakistan the arts are often ignored in favour of more viable subjects like engineering or medicine. This is the main reason why there are next to no scholarships available for arts subjects and with the recession and financial crisis that the country is going through, the government has decided to shelve all future scholarships for higher studies. The funds I have gathered from freelancing are also not enough to cover the expenses of an education and sustenance abroad. That, coupled with the devaluation of the Rupee means it will be quite a few years before I can afford a foreign education on my own. The generous scholarships offered by The University of Westminster to international students are my hope of coming closer to my goals.

    As the local animation industry is developing and taking shape, there is a dire need of trained professionals who can help us transcend to the next level. I feel that with techniques learned during my masters, I will be the one to take this leap. I not only want to be knowledgeable and skilled enough to play my part the best that I can but also hope to inspire other women who now stand where I did a few years ago. While most Pakistani families still don’t support their daughters having careers, I stand testament to the fact that dreams are not bound by gender or geography; one needs only the belief to go forth and achieve.

  2. #2
    susiedqq is offline Key Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Academic
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    2,944
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: need help with my essay!

    Very well written, but a little too personal in the first couple of paragraphs. Later, there is some historical information that could be edited out. But all in all, very well done. Continue to edit and you will meet your word limit. Good luck!

    (not a teacher)

Similar Threads

  1. Self-Evaluation Essay? HELP ME PLEASE I'M GOING TO CRY:'(
    By Super Sonic in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 19-May-2007, 22:56
  2. Will anyone please revise my college application essay?
    By inck243 in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 28-Oct-2006, 07:29
  3. Replies: 3
    Last Post: 14-Dec-2005, 06:09
  4. Help on 'Opininon Essay'
    By student2005 in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 18-Nov-2005, 03:25
  5. my essay tutorial
    By Dmitrij in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 16-Sep-2005, 03:51

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Hotchalk