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  1. #1
    thedaffodils's Avatar
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    Lightbulb [Fable] King Eagle and Mother Owl

    .

    Hello! Could you please proofread this story as below for me at your convenience? It is my English practice but the storyline was not composed by myself. Many thanks!



    King Eagle and Mother Owl



    Once upon a time there was a ferocious eagle which was the king of birds. He often hovered over the valley scouting around for food. One day he found there was a female owl staying in her nest with her four eggs. When the eagle dived down on the nest and was going to eat the eggs, the mother owl said deferentially, "Salutation! King Eagle! Ya aren't hurgry, are ya?"

    "Yes, I am. Ma'am!" the drooling eagle answered in a husky voice . "I'm hungry to death. I gonna to take these four eggs for my breakfast. Mmm, they must be palatable."

    "King Eagle," Mother Owl pleaded. "If ya promise ya don't wanna eat my babies, I'd like to go out at night from today, and only eat vipers and scorpions and save delicious birdies and rats for ya. Okay?”

    King Eagle looked at the tearful Mother Owl for a moment and somehow agreed, "Seal a deal! How shall I tell yer kids apart from other birdies then?"

    "Well, I should tell ya about this. My babes will be very easy to be distinguished. They must be the most adorable little birds in the world," Mother Owl answered with undisguised pride.

    Several months later, King Eagle went hunting as usual. He caught sight of four little white birds which were sleeping in their cozy nest in a tall pine. When he nosedived down and landed on the three, he heard the birds chirpping sweetly in their dreams now and then, and found they were so cuddly and cute. He said to himself, "Well, these little things must be the kids of Mother Owl's. I've promised I don't eat them." And then he cast his keen eyes around and fixed on the next pine where he luckily found anothe nest there. After flying over there, he saw there were aslo four little birds but all of them were monstrous-looking. “Well, these little ugmos couldn't the kids of Mother Owl's," he figured out. And then pounced on them and ate them out soon.

    At that moment, Mother Owl came back. She found the remains of her children and realised they had been killed. Her heart was broken into pieces shrieking pathetically, "King Eagle, ya have promised not to eat my babes. Why did you kill them all? Ya are a blatant liar! Liar!! Liar!!!"

    "I'm sorry. I really didn't recognise they were yer sprogs,'' King Eagle said innocently. "Didn't you tell me they would be very lovely? What I ate were just four ugmos."

    "Ow! Ow!!" the heart-wrenching mum cried. "Ya are King of birds, yet ya don't know every mother would think her babes are cutest in the world."

    .
    Last edited by thedaffodils; 01-Dec-2008 at 00:03.

  2. #2
    RonBee's Avatar
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    Default Re: [Fable] King Eagle and Mother Owl

    Quote Originally Posted by thedaffodils View Post
    .

    Hello! Could you please proofread this story as below for me at your convenience? It is my English practice but the storyline was not composed by myself.


    .
    Say:
    It is my English practice, but the story was not written by me.

  3. #3
    RonBee's Avatar
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    Default Re: [Fable] King Eagle and Mother Owl

    Quote Originally Posted by thedaffodils View Post
    .








    Once upon a time there was a ferocious eagle which was the king of birds. He often hovered over the valley scouting around for food. One day he found there was a female owl staying in her nest with her four eggs. When the eagle dived down on the nest and was going to eat the eggs, the mother owl said deferentially, "Salutation! King Eagle! Ya aren't hurgry, are ya?"


    Try:
    He often flew over the valley scouting around for food. One day he saw a female owl staying in her nest with her four eggs. When the eagle landed near the nest (apparently with the intention of eating the eggs), the mother owl said deferentially, "Salutation! King Eagle! Ya aren't hungry, are ya?"
    Quote Originally Posted by thedaffodils View Post
    "Yes, I am. Ma'am!" the drooling eagle answered in a husky voice . "I'm hungry to death. I gonna to take these four eggs for my breakfast. Mmm, they must be palatable.".
    I don't think eagles drool. How about:
    "Yes, I am. Ma'am!" the eagle said. I am very hungry. I'm going to eat those eggs, and nothing is going to stop me.

  4. #4
    thedaffodils's Avatar
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    Default Re: [Fable] King Eagle and Mother Owl

    Hi RonBee,

    Thank you very much for your help.

  5. #5
    RonBee's Avatar
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    Default Re: [Fable] King Eagle and Mother Owl

    Quote Originally Posted by thedaffodils View Post
    .


    "King Eagle," Mother Owl pleaded. "If ya promise ya don't wanna eat my babies, I'd like to go out at night from today, and only eat vipers and scorpions and save delicious birdies and rats for ya. Okay?

    .
    Try:
    "King Eagle," Mother Owl pleaded. "If ya promise ya not to eat my babies, I'll go out at night today and only eat vipers and scorpions and save delicious birdies and rats for ya. Okay?
    Eh?



  6. #6
    thedaffodils's Avatar
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    Default Re: [Fable] King Eagle and Mother Owl

    Quote Originally Posted by RonBee View Post
    Try:
    "King Eagle," Mother Owl pleaded. "If ya promise ya not to eat my babies, I'll go out at night today and only eat vipers and scorpions and save delicious birdies and rats for ya. Okay?
    Eh?


    RonBee, thank you again. I mean the owl would not go out at night forever (today, tomorrow...)

    How should I say properly? from now on?

  7. #7
    RonBee's Avatar
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    Default Re: [Fable] King Eagle and Mother Owl

    Quote Originally Posted by thedaffodils View Post
    RonBee, thank you again. I mean the owl would not go out at night forever (today, tomorrow...)

    How should I say properly? from now on?
    I think you want to say:
    I will go out tonight and and every night and catch vipers and scorpions and leave the rats and birdies for you.
    What do you think? ("Eh?" means the same thing, but it is shorter.)




  8. #8
    thedaffodils's Avatar
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    Default Re: [Fable] King Eagle and Mother Owl

    Quote Originally Posted by RonBee View Post
    I think you want to say:
    I will go out tonight and and every night and catch vipers and scorpions and leave the rats and birdies for you.
    What do you think? ("Eh?" means the same thing, but it is shorter.)



    Right! Much obliged, RonBee.

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