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    • Join Date: Dec 2008
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    #1

    Letter of Motivation - Any native speaking people help please :-)

    Hey guys, this is the very first raw version of my letter of motivation.
    There might be many mistakes. It is also too long, it counts 393 words and I only need 300. What should I extract from this?

    Letter of Motivation

    Dear Sir or Madam,

    I have done a lot of research about a study program offering practical and international education and found your school’s homepage. I hereby apply for the Bachelor Program in “International Business Management”.

    My desire to study in this particular field reflects my interests in global economy issues and their effect on countries, cultures and their people. It is very important to understand the positive and negative aspects of globalism not only for the big sized companies but also for the small size companies and their employees.

    One of my first work experiences in this area was in a company called “KSS Handelsgesellschaft mbH” in Berlin. It taught me a lot about the trading activities of a company and so I managed to do some administrative tasks as well as calculating and negotiating of objects.

    I have spent my last 3 years abroad. After I finished high school and compulsory service I decided to go to Australia to get to know new cultures and improve my English. I have had a great time down under and experienced a lot of different situations in social life as well as in business aspects.

    At the Australian Institute of Fitness I studied to become a Personal Trainer to create my own business. This job taught me a lot of things starting from how to get clients to keeping them in your business. I started working in Elix’r, a Health Club in a Five-Star Hotel called Sofitel Wentworth in Sydney. To improve my soft skills I took a course “Service Excellence” which really helped me try to understand and solve conflicts between all different kind of people.

    In my private time I do web design using content management systems on my own web server. To finance all this I combine this with advertising programs such as Google Adsense and Adwords. This helps me understand different kind of business aspects which I will be using in my studies too.

    My personal preferences and strengths are flexibility, purposefulness as well as fast learning ability.

    Thank you very much for considering my request. I look forward to your positive response.

    Sincerely yours,
    Last edited by Riccardo83; 01-Dec-2008 at 19:56.

  1. RonBee's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Letter of Motivation - Any native speaking people help please :-)

    Say:
    global economic issues
    big companies
    small companies

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