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    • Join Date: Dec 2008
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    #1

    Please Grammar check my essay

    Your school has been recommended to me by a few of my best friends who live in Toronto. As a child I've been fortunate to travel and live in different parts of the world, but I've come to the conclusion that the best place to live and pursue my dream of becoming an engineer is home sweet home, Canada and University of Toronto. I've been through allot of difficulties in my life which are beyond the scope of this essay but they did not deter my Passion to continue my education. I'm a very determined person that will accomplish anything I set my mind to. In my ninth grade year I started becoming interested in mathematics and physics. I began taking more advanced courses in these areas. I thought of career opportunities. Mechanical engineering was the most appealing to me. I became more and more fascinated with developing, designing, manufacturing, and testing engines, machines, and other mechanical devices. The work on power-producing machines like internal combustion engines, gas turbines, and steam and electric generators. In my twelfth grade year I began looking into different universities, but none of them met the standards that I had established within myself.The main reason I'm applying to this school is because it has the reputation and curriculum that will prepare me for achieving my professional goals.. I'm sure that all of my experiences and cultural background will be a valuable tool for representing your university in Canada and around the globe. I will work hard to become one of the best representatives of the school during and after my studies. I'm a dedicated person that will work very hard to continue my education and achieve my goal of becoming a successful engineer. I'm very passionate about mechanical engineering. Even as a child I used to disassemble toys to satisfy my curiosity to see how they work. Afterward I would use their parts assemble new toys. I hope that I can be one of the best candidates applying for your school and have the opportunity to demonstrate my dedication.

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    #2

    Re: Please Grammar check my essay

    Note: not a teacher.

    Quote Originally Posted by payam.em View Post
    Your school was (has been) recommended to me by a few of my best friends who live in Toronto. As a child I was ('ve been) fortunate to travel and live in different parts of the world, but I came (I've come) to the conclusion that the best place to live and pursue my dream of becoming an engineer is home sweet home, Canada and University of Toronto.

    I went (I've been) through a lot of difficulties in my life which are beyond the scope of this essay but they did not deter my passion to continue my education. I'm a very determined person who(that) will accomplish anything I set my mind to. In the (my) ninth grade (year) I started becoming interested in mathematics and physics. I began taking more advanced courses in these areas. I thought of career opportunities. Mechanical engineering was the most appealing to me. I became more and more fascinated with developing, designing, manufacturing, and testing engines, machines, and other mechanical devices, and the work on power-producing machines like internal combustion engines, gas turbines, and steam and electric generators.

    In the (my) twelfth grade (year) I began looking into different universities, but none of them met the standards that I (had) established within myself. The main reason I'm applying to this school is because it has the reputation and curriculum that will prepare me for achieving my professional goals.. I'm sure that all of my experiences and cultural background will be a valuable tool for representing your university in Canada and around the globe. I will work hard to become one of the best representatives of the school during and after my studies. I'm a dedicated person who (that) will work very hard to continue my education and achieve my goal of becoming a successful engineer. I'm very passionate about mechanical engineering. Even as a child I used to disassemble toys to satisfy my curiosity to see how they work, and afterward I would use their parts to assemble new toys.

    I hope that (I can be one of the best candidates applying for your school) my application to your university is accepted, and that I will have the opportunity to demonstrate my dedication.
    Delete words in brakets.

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