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  1. #1
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    Sep 2008
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    Smile Correction for 10-12-2008

    Please, could you correct these three texts? Thank you!

    1- I will always remember that sunny September day during which I became a big girl…

    Because I could not sleep any more because of that strong sensation of excitement, I felt in the region of my bottom, I woke up early that morning, long before my parents who didn’t seem very happy about that situation (although they understood my behaviour). I will always remember that I wore a beautiful blue dress recently bought for that special occasion. It was my first school day!

    After the famous pictures session directed by my dear mother, I took the yellow bus for Elisabeth Turgeon, while I was looking by the window situated beside me the autumn marvellous landscape with its multicoloured leaves and its ochre fields. A double sensation lived in me at that moment: I felt excited, because I was about to discover a new world, but at the same time, I felt nervous. An insecurity feeling overcame me because I was about to plunge myself into unknown, and what is more frightening for a five year old girl that face up to a such situation alone!

    However, I succeeded to overcome that obstacle and I began my social integration. I must admit that this stage was relatively easy for me, in other words, it was a breeze, a piece of cake! Yes, I didn’t know if it was because I looked like a magnet (in other words, if I gave off some magnetic attraction) or just because I smelled good, but everybody was attracted by me.

    Through Grades, I always had competent teachers for who my well-being and my academic success represented some huge priorities. I suppose, for the time being, that it is why I appreciate so much school and that for me, learning constitutes the most beautiful and useful activity!

    One thing that needs to be said is that my primary school development was divided between two different establishments because certain factors. I made my entrance in that new world in Elizabeth Turgeon School because it was my neighbourhood school. However, because I wished to become, one day, a famous tennis player, I decided to do the Sport-Étude program to concentrate myself on my athletic development. Therefore, I had to leave my initial school to Sainte-Agnèse, where I spent some unforgettable moments. Never I will regret that choice because it made me growing up on my psychological aspect.


    2- Following that natural resource luckily responsible of the life apparition on our planet, that resource which is so important that, through it occupies more than fifty percents of the total earth space, it causes several wars all around the world, you will discover a fabulous city. At the end of the Saint-Laurent river is situated that city, warm and welcoming at the same time because of its site and its inhabitants’’ behaviour towards visitors. Rimouski represents a mixed between urban and rural way of life: its inhabitants take advantage, everyday, of the fantastic landscape, with its fields as far as the eye can see, and the several public utilities which are offered there in many fields. In brief, I was and I’m always one of the lucky inhabitants of that marvellous and multitasking place.

    It was in a little roundabout, which didn’t contain more than seven houses, that I spent the major part of my childhood. One of those family houses, a pink one with a magnificent apple tree in the back courtyard, sheltered my parents, my sister and me. Across the street lived a little girl, sharing my age, who became, from our first days of life, my best friend. Through the years, we shared our childhood, our life experiences, and we helped each other, trying to keep bad things from happening.

    That roundabout was special; it had a certain power that nobody could describe. It was more than a street with homes all around, it was like a village: everybody knew the other and was arranged to help his neighbour if he would meet with that need. In other words, my neighbours were like another family for me, who I knew I could trust in!

    After spending several beautiful years in that street, my family and me took the decision to turn over a new leaf: we moved in another neighbourhood, always in the city of Rimouski, where I discovered my real personality thanks to Claudia, a girl who has a heart of gold. It was by running in those streets with that marvellous young woman that I spent my adolescence.

    There was in those fantastic atmospheres that I grew up…


    3- Childhood is a magic period of our life, which seems to pass in no time because of that kind of naivety, which haunts children. They grow up in an imaginary world, which gives them a certain peace of mind that nobody except them can understand.

    It was in that imaginary world that I found the games I played when I was a child. I represented the living proof that toys were not essential to children in order that they had fun! I discovered, as the years went by, that we could do so many things with our mind than with objects…

    My room could represent a class as a hospital. My house’s back courtyard was sometimes a desert, and other times a jungle. I didn’t need any accessories, things took place in my head because of my fertile imagination. Sometimes, I didn’t even feel the need to talk because every actions happened in my mind. Therefore, never during my childhood I was bored thanks to my sister, with was my games partner, and my imagination, which always kept me nimble.

    My sister represented, for me, the better friend I never had because we shared the same ideas, the same mind. As me, she liked to invent her games world, which changed, evolved, as the days went by because of the new knowledge she acquired. That knowledge touched (concerned) her moral aspect (her manners) as much as her know-how. The same situation happened to me, which allowed my sister and me to become in no time responsible and realist facing to the different events that life puts on our way. In short, we sponged off our childlike mind while it was still time, which allowed us to make the most of that unique period of our life.

    In conclusion, concerning that field, I was a dirt cheap child!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
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    Thumbs up Re: Correction for 10-12-2008

    Please, could you correct these three texts? Thank you!

    1- I will always remember that sunny September’s day during which I became a big girl…

    As I could not sleep any more because of that strong sensation of excitement, I felt in the region of my bottom, I woke up early that morning, long before my parents, who didn’t seem very happy about that situation, [you should insert the verb corresponding to the subject “my parents” here, because the verb “seem” corresponds to who] (although they understood my behaviour). I will always remember that I wore a beautiful blue dress recently bought for that special occasion. It was my first school day!

    After the famous pictures session directed by my dear mother, I took the yellow bus for Elisabeth Turgeon, while I was looking through the window situated beside me the marvellous autumn [this is the correct word order according to some prescriptive grammars] landscape with its multicoloured leaves and its ochre fields. A double sensation lived in me at that moment: I felt excited, because I was about to discover a new world, but at the same time, I felt nervous. An insecurity feeling overcame me because I was about to plunge myself into the unknown, what is (even) more frightening for a five year old girl that face up to such a situation alone!

    However, I succeeded in overcoming that obstacle and I began my social integration. I must admit that this stage was relatively easy for me. In other words, it was a breeze, a piece of cake! Yes, I didn’t know if it was because I looked like a magnet (in other words [you can also say “that is to say,”, for example, to avoid repetition], if I gave off some magnetic attraction) or just because I smelled good, but everybody was attracted by me.

    Through Grades, I always had competent teachers for who my well-being and my academic success represented some huge priorities. I suppose, for the time being, that it is why I appreciate so much school and that for me, learning constitutes the most beautiful and useful activity!

    One thing that needs to be said is that my primary school development was divided between two different establishments because of certain factors. I made my entrance in that new world in Elizabeth Turgeon School because it was my neighbourhood school. However, because I wished to become, one day, a famous tennis player, I decided to do the Sport-Étude program to concentrate myself on my athletic development. Therefore, I had to leave my initial school to Sainte-Agnèse, where I spent some unforgettable moments. Never I will regret that choice because it made me grow up in my psychological aspect.

    2- Following that natural resource luckily responsible for life appearance on our planet, that resource which is so important that, as it occupies more than fifty percents of the total earth space, it causes several wars all around the world [“it causes...” sounds too general or like “wars are caused evereday by it”. I suggest: “it may cause... or has caused (if you are sure about the fact that several wars have been caused because of it)], you will discover a fabulous city. At the end of the Saint-Laurent river that city is situated, warm and welcoming at the same time because of its site and its inhabitants’ behaviour towards visitors. Rimouski represents a mixture between urban and rural way of life: its inhabitants take advantage, everyday, of the fantastic landscape, with its fields as far as the eye can see, and the several public utilities which are offered there in many fields. In brief, I was and I’m always one of the lucky inhabitants of that marvellous and multitasking place.

    It was in a little roundabout, which didn’t contain more than seven houses, that I spent the major part of my childhood. One of those family houses, a pink one with a magnificent apple tree in the back courtyard, sheltered my parents, my sister and me. Across the street lived a little girl, sharing my age, who became, from our first days of life, my best friend. Through the years, we shared our childhood, our life experiences, and we helped each other, trying to prevent bad things from happening.

    That roundabout was special; it had a certain power that nobody could describe. It was more than a street with homes all around, it was like a village: everybody knew the others and would have been able to help his neighbour if he had met with that need. In other words, my neighbours were like another family for me, who I knew I could trust in!

    After spending several beautiful years in that street, my family and me took the decision to turn over a new leaf: we moved in (I would suggest “to”) another neighbourhood, always in the city of Rimouski, where I discovered my real personality thanks to Claudia, a girl who has a heart of gold. It was by running in those streets with that marvellous young woman that I spent my adolescence.

    It was in those fantastic atmospheres that I grew up…

    3- Childhood is a magic period of our life, which seems to pass in no time because of that kind of naivety, which haunts children. They grow up in an imaginary world, which gives them a certain peace of mind that nobody except them can understand.

    It was in that imaginary world that I found the games I played when I was a child. I represented the living proof that toys were not essential to children in order that they had fun! I discovered, as the years went by, that we could do so many things with our mind than with objects…

    My room could represent a class and a hospital. My house’s back courtyard was sometimes a desert, and other times a jungle. I didn’t need any accessories. (I'd suggest that you add a period here) things took place in my head because of my fertile imagination. Sometimes, I didn’t even feel the need to talk because every action happened in my mind. Therefore (you should not use “therefore” here, because this sentence doesn’t express a consequence of the previous one), never during my childhood I was bored thanks to my sister, with was my games partner, and my imagination, which always kept me nimble.

    My sister represented, for me, the best friend I never had because we shared the same ideas, the same mind. As me, she liked to invent her game world, which changed, evolved, as the days went by because of the new knowledge she acquired. That knowledge touched (concerned) her moral aspect (her manners) as much as her know-how. The same situation happened to me, which allowed my sister and me to become in no time responsible and realist facing to the different events that life put on our way (but if you mean that it is true at the present time, then it is correct). In short, we sponged off our childlike mind while it was still time (to do so/it), which allowed us to make the most of that unique period of our life.

    In conclusion, concerning that field, I was a dirt cheap child!



    Suggestions have been placed within parentheses

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
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    Smile Re: Correction for 10-12-2008

    Could you correct my text please? I did some corrections...

    1- I will always remember that sunny September’s day when I became a big girl…
    As I could not sleep any more because of that strong sensation of excitement, I felt in the region of my bottom, I woke up early that morning, long before my parents who didn’t seem very happy about that situation (although they understood my behaviour). I will always remember that I was wearing a beautiful blue dress recently bought for that special occasion. It was my first school day!
    After the famous pictures session directed by my dear mother, I took the yellow bus for Elisabeth Turgeon, while I was looking through the window situated beside me the marvellous autumn landscape with its multicoloured leaves and its ochre fields. I was feeling a mixed sensation at that moment: I was feeling excited, because I was about to discover a new world, but at the same time, I was feeling nervous. A feeling of insecurity overcame me because I was about to plunge myself into the unknown, and what is even more frightening for a five year old girl that had to face up alone to a such situation!
    However, I succeeded in overcoming that obstacle and I began my social integration. I must admit that this stage was relatively easy for me. In other words, it was a breeze, a piece of cake! Yes, I didn’t know if it was because I looked like a magnet (that is to say, if I gave off some magnetic attraction) or just because I smelled good, but everybody was attracted by me.
    Through my Grades, I have had competent teachers for whom my well-being and my academic success represented some huge priority. I suppose, for the time being, that it is why I was appreciating school so much and that for me, learning constitutes the most beautiful and useful activity!
    One thing that needs to be said is that my primary school development was divided between two different establishments because of certain factors. I made my entrance in that new world in Elizabeth Turgeon School because it was my neighbourhood school. However, because I wished to become, one day, a famous tennis player, I decided to do the Sport-Étude program to concentrate myself on my athletic development. Therefore, I had to leave my initial school to Sainte-Agnèse, where I spent some unforgettable moments. I will never regret that choice because it has made me grow up in my psychological aspect.

    2- Following this natural resource luckily responsible for the life appearance on our planet, that resource which is so important that, as it occupies more than fifty percents of the total earth space, it may cause several wars all around the world, you will discover a fabulous city. At the end of the Saint-Laurent river that city is situated, warm and welcoming at the same time because of its site and its inhabitants’’ behaviour towards visitors. Rimouski represents a mix between urban and rural way of life: its inhabitants benefit everyday from the fantastic landscape, with fields as far as the eye can see, and from the several public utilities which are offered there in many fields. In brief, I was and I’m always one of the lucky inhabitants of that marvellous and multitasking place.
    It was in a little roundabout, which didn’t contain more than seven houses, that I spent the major part of my childhood. One of those family houses, a pink one with a magnificent apple tree in the back courtyard, sheltered my parents, my sister and me. Across the street lived a little girl, who was the same age than me, who became from our first days of life my best friend. Through the years, we have shared our childhood, our life experiences, and we have helped each other, trying to prevent bad things from happening.
    That roundabout was special; it had a certain power that nobody could describe. It was more than a street with homes all around, it was like a village: everybody knew the others and would have been able to help his neighbour if he had met with that need. In other words, my neighbours were like another family for me, who I knew I could trust in!
    After spending several beautiful years in that street, my family and me took the decision to turn over a new leaf: we moved to another neighbourhood, always in the city of Rimouski, where I discovered my real personality thanks to Claudia, a girl who has a heart of gold. It was by running in those streets with that marvellous young woman that I spent my adolescence.
    It was in those fantastic atmospheres that I grew up…

    3- Childhood is a magic period in our life, which seems to pass in no time because of that kind of naivety which haunts children. They grow up in an imaginary world, which gives them a certain peace of mind that nobody except them can understand.
    It was in that imaginary world that I have found the games I played with when I was a child. I represented the living proof that toys were not essential to children in order that they had fun! I have discovered, as the years went by, that we were able to do so many things with our mind rather than with things…
    My room could represent a class like a hospital. My house’s back courtyard was sometimes a desert, and another time a jungle. I didn’t need any accessories, things took place in my head because of my fertile imagination. Sometimes, I didn’t even feel the need to talk because every action happened in my mind. Therefore, never during my childhood was I bored thanks to my sister, who was my games partner, and my imagination, which has kept me nimble.
    My sister represented for me the best friend I have never had because we shared the same ideas, the same mind. As me, she liked to invent her game world, which changed, evolved as the days went by because of the new knowledge she acquired. That knowledge touched (concerned) her moral aspect (her manners) as much as her know-how. The same situation happened to me, which allowed my sister and me to become in no time responsible and realist facing to the different events that life put on our way. In short, we sponged off our childlike mind while it was still time to do so, which allowed us to make the most of that unique period of our life.
    In conclusion, concerning that field, I was a dirt cheap child!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
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    Thumbs up Re: Correction for 10-12-2008

    Quote Originally Posted by EMAIL REMOVED - Send PM to This User Instead View Post
    Could you correct my text please? I did some corrections...

    1- I will always remember that sunny September’s day when I became a big girl…
    As I could not sleep any more because of that strong sensation of excitement, I felt in the region of my bottom, I woke up early that morning, long before my parents[[[ I'm sorry I had made a mistake here... my eyes are unreliable! I now got your point. You should add a comma here... because this is a non-defining relative clause, I mean, you're adding extra information: ...my parents, who...]]]who didn’t seem very happy about that situation (although they understood my behaviour). I will always remember that I was wearing a beautiful blue dress recently bought for that special occasion. It was my first school day!
    After the famous pictures session directed by my dear mother, I took the yellow bus for Elisabeth Turgeon(((you should separate these sentences because they represent two different ideas, and it is chronologically impossible to take a bus... while looking through one of its windows...))). While I was looking through the window situated beside me I could appreciate/see/etc the marvellous autumn landscape with its multicoloured leaves and its ochre fields (((when you introduce a clause with while, you should also add the action that happens at the same time. Like the one I wrote in bold))). I was feeling a mixed sensation at that moment: I was feeling excited, because I was about to discover a new world, but at the same time, I was feeling nervous. A feeling of insecurity overcame me because I was about to plunge myself into the unknown, and what is even more frightening for a five year old girl that had to face up alone to such a situation! (((I corrected this one... you tend to make this mistake because in your mother tongue this structure doesn't exist. My recomendation: Practise it because your writing is very good!)))
    However, I succeeded in overcoming that obstacle and I began my social integration. I must admit that this stage was relatively easy for me. In other words, it was a breeze, a piece of cake! Yes, I didn’t know if it was because I looked like a magnet (that is to say, if I gave off some magnetic attraction) or just because I smelled good, but everybody was attracted by me.
    Through my Grades, I have had competent teachers for whom my well-being and my academic success represented some huge priority. I suppose, for the time being, that it is why I was appreciating school so much and that for me, learning constitutes the most beautiful and useful activity!
    One thing that needs to be said is that my primary school development was divided between two different establishments because of certain factors. I made my entrance in that new world in Elizabeth Turgeon School because it was my neighbourhood school. However, because I wished to become, one day, a famous tennis player, I decided to do the Sport-Étude program to concentrate myself on my athletic development. Therefore, I had to leave my initial school to Sainte-Agnèse, where I spent some unforgettable moments. I will never regret that choice because it has made me grow up in my psychological aspect.

    2- Following this natural resource luckily responsible for (((no 'the' here... you forgot to delete it. Compare with: 'the appearance of life'))) life appearance on our planet, that resource which is so important that, as it occupies more than fifty percent (((no plural for percent))) of the total earth space, and that (((not 'it'))) may cause several wars all around the world, you will discover a fabulous city. At the end of the Saint-Laurent river that city is situated, warm and welcoming at the same time because of its site and its inhabitants' (((the English genitive is written: ' , not " )) behaviour towards visitors. Rimouski represents a mix between urban and rural way of life: its inhabitants benefit everyday from the fantastic landscape, with fields as far as the eye can see, and from the several public utilities which are offered there in many fields. In brief, I was and I’m always one of the lucky inhabitants of that marvellous and multitasking place.
    It was in a little roundabout, which didn’t contain more than seven houses, that I spent the major part of my childhood. One of those family houses, a pink one with a magnificent apple tree in the back courtyard, sheltered my parents, my sister and me. Across the street lived a little girl, who was the same age as me, who became from our first days of life my best friend. Through the years, we have shared our childhood, our life experiences, and we have helped each other, trying to prevent bad things from happening.
    That roundabout was special; it had a certain power that nobody could describe. It was more than a street with homes all around, it was like a village: everybody knew the others and would have been able to help his neighbour if he had met with that need. In other words, my neighbours were like another family for me, who I knew I could trust in!
    After spending several beautiful years in that street, my family and me took the decision of turning over a new leaf: we moved to another neighbourhood, always in the city of Rimouski, where I discovered my real personality thanks to Claudia, a girl who has a heart of gold. It was by running in those streets with that marvellous young woman that I spent my adolescence.
    It was in those fantastic atmospheres where I grew up…

    3- Childhood is a magic period in our life, which seems to pass in no time because of that kind of naivety which haunts children. They grow up in an imaginary world, which gives them a certain peace of mind that nobody except them can understand.
    It was in that imaginary world that I have found the games I played with when I was a child. I represented the living proof that toys were not essential to children in order that they had fun! I have discovered, as the years went by, that we were able to do so many things with our mind rather than with things…
    My room could represent a class like a hospital. My house’s back courtyard was sometimes a desert, and another time a jungle. I didn’t need any accessories, things took place in my head because of my fertile imagination. Sometimes, I didn’t even feel the need to talk because every action happened in my mind. Therefore, never during my childhood was I bored thanks to my sister, who was my game partner, and my imagination, which has kept me nimble.
    My sister represented for me the best friend I have never had because we shared the same ideas, the same mind. As me, she liked to invent her game world, which changed, evolved as the days went by because of the new knowledge she acquired. That knowledge touched (concerned) her moral aspect (her manners) as much as her know-how. The same situation happened to me, which allowed my sister and me to become in no time responsible and realist facing to the different events that life put on our way. In short, we sponged off our childlike mind while it was still time to do so, which allowed us to make the most of that unique period of our life.
    In conclusion, concerning that field, I was a dirt cheap child!

    I'm afraid my corrections appear within the quotation!!!

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