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    #1

    Please proofread

    Hi there,
    I wrote new page and I need a help with proofreading
    PC Repair and Maintenance Service in English in Tel-aviv Israel
    Please help as I am not a native English speaker
    Thanks a lot
    Vadim

  1. RonBee's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Please proofread

    Try:
    Our service is fast, reliable, and affordable. Our technicians speak English, Hebrew, and Russian.

    We are located in the center of Tel-aviv, Israel, and we provide PC repair and maintenance service to local residents. Our experienced, highly skilled technicians speak English, Hebrew, and Russian.

    Personal computers are important tools, and many people have one. Many of us cannot imagine being without our personal computer.

    Having a computer that crashes or is slow can be very frustrating. When our computer doesn't work right we want it fixed. Without regular maintenance your computer may cease to function properly.

    We will clean up your computer and make it function like new. Or better than new.


    Last edited by RonBee; 09-Dec-2008 at 09:16. Reason: punctuation


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    #3

    Re: Please proofread

    Thank you
    I made some corrections.
    Any other ideas?
    Thanks,
    Vadim

  2. RonBee's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: Please proofread

    Your service isn't delivered in English, but your technicians do speak English.

    So, I can get a free diagnostic?

    __________________________________________________ ______________

    It's important to know what to say and how to say it, but it's also important to know when to stop talking.





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    #5

    Re: Please proofread

    Quote Originally Posted by RonBee View Post
    Your service isn't delivered in English, but your technicians do speak English.

    So, I can get a free diagnostic?
    Ok, you convinced me:)
    I'd like to help you but do you live in Israel so that I could check your PC?
    Thanks again,
    Vadim

  3. RonBee's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: Please proofread

    "So, I can get a free diagnostic?" is a suggestion to simplify. (Maybe I should have made that more clear.) "Get FREE diagnostics and current state of the PC" is better stated (IMO) as: "Get a free diagnostic and learn the current state of your PC" but that's even wordier than the original. And it's redundant (needlessly repetitious). Just say: "Get a free diagnostic."





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    #7

    Re: Please proofread

    Thank you very much,
    your suggestions were of great help!
    Vadim

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