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    #1

    correction of short story

    Hi everybody

    Could you please go through the short story and correct any mistakes for me. Could you suggest how I can improve on the short story.

    Many thanks in advance.

    One day, a little girl, Nicole, was walking back to her house while eating an ice-cream. She did not notice there was a banana skin lying on the path. She stepped on it and fell down heavily.

    She cried, “Help! Help! My leg is bleeding! Someone, help me, please.”

    About three minutes later, she could hardly get up on her knees and she was sad. With much difficulty, she walked home. Soon her mother took her to a clinic.

    The doctor cleansed the wound and bandaged it. He also prescribed some medicine and ointment for her to apply to the wound.

    After Nicole’s mother had paid the clinic assistant, she and Nicole left for home in a taxi.

  1. Raymott's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: correction of short story

    Quote Originally Posted by Tan Elaine View Post
    Hi everybody

    Could you please go through the short story and correct any mistakes for me. Could you suggest how I can improve on the short story.

    Many thanks in advance.

    One day, a little girl, Nicole, was walking back to her house while eating an ice-cream. She did not notice there was a banana skin lying on the path. She stepped on it and fell down heavily.

    She cried, “Help! Help! My leg is bleeding! Someone, help me, please.”

    About three minutes later, she could hardly get up on her knees and she was sad. With much difficulty, she walked home. Soon her mother took her to a clinic.

    The doctor cleansed the wound and bandaged it. He also prescribed some medicine and ointment for her to apply to the wound.

    After Nicole’s mother had paid the clinic assistant, she and Nicole left for home in a taxi.
    Very good. I can't find any mistakes. Good use of tenses etc.
    The plot is a little thin, but that will improve with practice.

    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • Hong Kong
      • Current Location:
      • Hong Kong

    • Join Date: Jun 2008
    • Posts: 2,049
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    #3

    Re: correction of short story

    Many thanks, Raymott.

    I appreciate very much your encouragement.

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