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    • Join Date: Dec 2008
    • Posts: 4
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    #1

    Can you please correct my cover letter?

    Hello, I am Rita, I'm applying to a job in a bank and I will need you to correct my cover letter please? I am stressing out!

    Currently enrolled in a Master Program in Entrepreneurship at Toulouse Business School (ESC Toulouse), I have been researching companies of interest that I feel would fit for my professional career. After learning about “BNP PARIBAS graduate career” program, I am very interested in joining your organization as a trading associate.

    I have completed my bachelor of business administration and I will graduate in January 2009. During this academic year, our end term project was to develop a business plan. Thus I studied various opportunities for the creation of an ethnic cosmetics distribution firm. This project was instructive insofar as it enabled me to be familiarized with several concepts like strategic development plan, growth management and the financial plan.
    Moreover, my end term internship, allowed me to apprehend in a practical way, project management through various tasks. I thus created and followed files suppliers and evaluated inventories. As I had to meet potential investors I elaborated, for a three years period, projected income statements, balance sheets, and cash flow.

    Thanks to my various work experiences, I approached multiple facets of a company management what caused versatility in my activities. I am motivated and rigorous in my work; therefore I wish to bring my competences to your company. My education, work experiences and travels, I am confident I am corresponding to this job.

    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • Oriya
      • Home Country:
      • India
      • Current Location:
      • India

    • Join Date: Mar 2008
    • Posts: 2,129
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #2

    Exclamation Re: Can you please correct my cover letter?

    Quote Originally Posted by ReeRee View Post
    Hello, I am Rita, I'm applying to a job in a bank and I will need you to correct my cover letter please? I am stressing out!

    Currently enrolled in a MasterProgram in Entrepreneurship at Toulouse Business School (ESC Toulouse), I have been researching on companies of interest that I feel would fit with (for) my professional career. After learning about “BNP PARIBAS graduate career” program, I am very interested in joining your organization as a trading associate.

    I have completed my bachelor of business administration and hope to (I will) graduate in January 2009. During this academic year, our end term project was to develop a business plan. For preparing a nice plan (Thus) I studied various opportunities available for the creation of an ethnic cosmetics distribution firm. This project was instructive insofar as it enabled me to be familiarized with several concepts like strategic development plan, growth management and the financial plan.
    Moreover, my end term internship, allowed me to get acquainted with project management through various tasks (apprehend) in a practical way,. I thus created and maintained (followed) files of suppliers and evaluated inventories. As I had to meet potential investors I concentrated (elaborated), for a three years period, on preparation of projected income statements, balance sheets, and cash flow.

    Thanks to my various work experiences, I approached multiple facets of a company management what caused versatility in my activities. I am motivated and rigorous in my work; therefore I wish to bring my competences to your company. With my education, work experiences and travels, I am confident I shall be befitting (am corresponding) to this job.

    Delete words in brackets.


    • Join Date: Dec 2008
    • Posts: 4
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #3

    Re: Can you please correct my cover letter?

    Thanks a lot Mallick for correcting my letter!

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