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  1. #1
    webdweller is offline Newbie
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    Wink this is my rambling writing about my cats

    Hi, this is my rambling writing about my cats. Could you please check this writing for me? (Even in THIS paragraph) Everything is clear to me, but if any sentence seems too hard to understand or takes too much thinking to understand, even though it is grammatically correct, please tell me so I know I cannot use this or that structure or word. Thank you in advance.

    I opened the sliding door that separate my apartment into two and saw the two cats already waiting for me. Seeing me out, the cats "stood up" and meowed loudly and repeatedly, both of them saying in one voice. I often think of this as a demonstration for food.

    I had two cats, one being born in 1995 and one in 2004, "the big cat" and "the small cat" as my family and I often called them.

    I took out a rice bowl for them. The rice had been mixed with fish which was previously baked and put into the fridge for preservation. Both of the cats were voracious: I often had to divide the food into two in 2 small bowls, so that they would not combat while eating. Sometimes I mixed fish and rice in a larger bowl enough for 2 cat heads, and only had to shovel the food to both sides to create a "buffer zone" which had no food. The cats then know where they were allowed to eat, and no fighting would occur.

    The cats seeing their food made more and more noise, until I put the bowls down for them to eat.

  2. #2
    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: my cats

    Quote Originally Posted by webdweller View Post
    I opened the sliding door that separate my apartment into two and saw the two cats already waiting for me. Seeing me out, the cats "stood up" and meowed loudly and repeatedly, both of them saying in one voice. I often think of this as a demonstration for food.
    I opened the sliding door that divides my apartment into two and saw the two cats waiting for me. Noticing that I was outside, the cats "stood up" and meowed loudly and repeatedly.
    Quote Originally Posted by webdweller View Post
    I had two cats, one being born in 1995 and one in 2004, "the big cat" and "the small cat" as my family and I often called them.
    I had two cats--one born in 1995 and the other born in 2004. My family and I often called them the big cat and the little cat.
    Quote Originally Posted by webdweller View Post
    I took out a rice bowl for them. The rice had been mixed with fish which was previously baked and put into the fridge for preservation.
    I took out a rice bowl for them. The rice had been mixed with fish which had been baked and put into the fridge for preservation.

  3. #3
    RonBee's Avatar
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    Default Re: this is my rambling writing about my cats

    Quote Originally Posted by webdweller View Post
    Both of the cats were voracious: I often had to divide the food into two in 2 small bowls, so that they would not combat while eating.
    The cats were voracious. They were always eager to get at their food. I often had to put the food into two small bowls so they would not fight over the food.

  4. #4
    webdweller is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: my cats

    Quote Originally Posted by RonBee View Post
    I opened the sliding door that divides my apartment into two and saw the two cats waiting for me. Noticing that I was outside, the cats "stood up" and meowed loudly and repeatedly.

    I had two cats--one born in 1995 and the other born in 2004. My family and I often called them the big cat and the little cat.

    I took out a rice bowl for them. The rice had been mixed with fish which had been baked and put into the fridge for preservation.
    Hi, Ronbee. Thank you very much for your help. You have so many posts in this forum (14037!!!), and you must have helped a lot of people!!!

    Are those three sentences the only ones that contain an error? Are ALL OTHER word usages in my first post correct, idiomatic and appropriate?

  5. #5
    webdweller is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: my cats

    I'm sorry I didn't read your second post! You are still proofreading my writing and posting your comment! Thanks so much!

  6. #6
    RonBee's Avatar
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    Default Re: this is my rambling writing about my cats

    These are the last suggestions. (Only a couple of changes.)


    Quote Originally Posted by webdweller View Post
    Sometimes I mixed fish and rice in a larger bowl enough for 2 cat heads, and only had to shovel the food to both sides to create a "buffer zone" which had no food. The cats then know where they were allowed to eat, and no fighting would occur.
    Sometimes I mixed fish and rice in a bowl large enough for 2 cat heads, and I only had to shovel the food to both sides to create a "buffer zone" which had no food.
    How did you get your cats to eat rice?


    Quote Originally Posted by webdweller View Post
    The cats seeing their food made more and more noise, until I put the bowls down for them to eat.
    The cats upon seeing their food made more and more noise until I put the bowls down for them.
    We already know there was food in the bowls, and in my opinion we need to avoid the construction "I put the bowls down for them to eat" because that makes it seem like they are going to eat the bowls.

    It is up to you if you want to accept any of my suggestions, but I hope you take them seriously.
    Last edited by RonBee; 26-Dec-2008 at 10:13. Reason: Change "fish" to "rice"

  7. #7
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    Default Re: this is my rambling writing about my cats

    Cats are curious creatures
    With many feline features.




    You can't really be the owner of a cat.
    The cat adopts you, and that's that.






  8. #8
    webdweller is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: this is my rambling writing about my cats

    How did you get your cats to eat fish?
    :D Well can you ask a little more clearly? Actually I don't understand this question of yours?

  9. #9
    webdweller is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: this is my rambling writing about my cats

    Thank you for your suggestions. Are those all the changes that you think are necessary?

    Frankly, I'm somewhat surprised at how little the passage should be changed. In writing this passage for review by other people in this forum, I tried to experiment with many new words, phrases, sentence structures and usages that I DEEM appropriate and idiomatic (based on my sense of English) but don't know for sure if in English, they are acceptable or not. They include: "sliding door," "meowed loudly and repeatedly," "a demonstration for food," "put into the fridge for preservation," "shovel the food to both sides to create a "buffer zone" which had no food" (<-- Do you really understand this description?) and "both of them saying in one voice."

    Are all the usages above correct and idiomatic?
    Last edited by webdweller; 26-Dec-2008 at 08:47.

  10. #10
    webdweller is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: this is my rambling writing about my cats

    Some other words or phrases I am sure they are correct, but I'm not sure if they fit the tone and context and style of this narrative. Could you please point out for me which ones are not appropriate in this narrative?

    PS. I'm currently not sure about "made more and more noise."

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