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  1. #1
    nicholasjunwu is offline Newbie
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    Default Can anyone check my essay, please.

    Hi guys,
    I'll sit for IELTS exam on Jan 17th and I aim for band 7 for writing.
    Please help me with my eassy writing and feel free to give some comments.
    Thank you in advance!




    Topic:

    Old generation often hold some traditional ideas on the correct way of life, thinking and behaviour. However, some people think that it is not help for the young generations to prepare for modern life in the future. Whatís your opinion?


    Answer:

    Our lives and ways of thinking have been changed substantially since the beginning of 20th century due to the fast growing global economy and the presence of new technology. The question of whether or not traditional ideas from old generations are still practical for young generations has been debated increasingly. I think some of the traditional ideas are going to be useful in the next few centuries whilst others are not.

    Some traditional ideas from old generations are universal ideas that come from practice and life experience and they would be useful even in the next century. Those ideas including how to deal with others and what correct codes of ethics we should possess would be of great values to young generations when they live their own lives. Moreover, if our ascendantsí traditional ideas could be delivered to young people, the traditional culture of each country or ethnic groups would be preserved.

    Notwithstanding that some traditional ideas are quite valuable to us, others of them might be out-of-date and they should be modified or given up. With the quick development of our society, the ways of living are no longer the same as what they used to be and people have come up with certain new points of views which contradict the traditional ones. For example, more people than before accept the marriage between homosexual persons and the traditional opinion that disallows that sort of marriage should be gotten rid of. Furthermore, accepting all of the traditional ideas regardless of their usefulness would restrict the development of creative ideas and new technology.

    To conclude, as the young generations, we need to distinguish useful traditional ideas from useless ones so that we can be well prepared for the future and keep our society going. In some cases, challenging the appropriateness of old ideas should be encouraged.

  2. #2
    English-coach's Avatar
    English-coach is offline Member
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    Default Re: Can anyone check my essay, please.

    Here are my suggestions. Most of them are just word choices but there are a couple instances where you forget to use your articles a or the. :)


    Happy learning!

    Topic:

    Old generation often hold some traditional ideas on the correct way of life, thinking and behaviour. However, some people think that it is not help for the young generations to prepare for modern life in the future. What’s your opinion?


    Answer:

    Our lives and ways of thinking have been changed substantially since the beginning of the 20th century due to the fast growing global economy and the presence of new technology. The question of whether or not traditional ideas from old generations are still practical for young generations has been debated increasingly. I believe that some of the traditional ideas are going to be useful in the next few centuries whilst others are not.

    Some traditional ideas from older generations are universal ideas that come from practice and life experience and they would be useful even in the next century. Those ideas include; how to deal with others and what correct codes of ethics we should possess. These are of great value to younger generations when they begin to live their own lives. Moreover, if our ascendants’ traditional ideas are delivered to younger people, the traditional culture of each country or ethnic groups will be preserved as well.

    Notwithstanding that some traditional ideas are quite valuable to us, others of them might be out-of-date and they should be modified or forgotten. With the quick development of our society, the way of life is no longer the same as it used to be and people have come up with new points of views which contradict the traditional ones.

    For example, more people than before accept marriage between homosexual persons and the traditional opinion that disallows that sort of marriage should be gotten rid of. Furthermore, accepting all of the traditional ideas regardless of their usefulness would restrict the development of creative ideas and new technology.

    In conclusion, as the young generations, we need to distinguish useful traditional ideas from useless ones, so that we can be well prepared for the future and keep our society cohesive. In some cases, challenging the appropriateness of old ideas should be encouraged.[/quote]

    Diana
    http://www.helping-you-learn-english.com
    Last edited by English-coach; 25-Jan-2009 at 12:14.

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