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  1. #1
    doesxp is offline Newbie
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    Default Helpwith this essay

    Hi everybody, I just end up a essay. I would appreciate if somebody could grade and correct it.

    I'm learning English and I'm a beginner in writing. Sorry for errors like grammar, spelling or so on. Thank you for your support.

    This is the exercise:

    Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

    In my opinion, it is better when young adults live with their families for a longer time. This choice is important to me because youngsters need enough matureness before they face the life on their own account. Depending on the reason about they go away from their family, there are many obstacles and limitations they have to overcome in the future. If they don’t have the necessary maturity, those young adults are likely to fail in the life. In this essay, I will discuss some arguments involve on the issue.

    The principal reasons about which youngsters want to leave their family are independence, freedom and adventure. Youngsters go through several psychological problems throughout their development. This problems are common in the adolescence, but they may be the reason about they want to leave home. When the young adults take this decision, they do not have maturity to face the life problems, and consequently they will fail. Thus, they should better stay in home with their families until they acquire enough matureness.

    Besides, another reason that youngsters wish go away from home is the marriage. Usually this desire happens when they have a strong motive. Causes such as desperate for love, rejected relationships by parents, and even sexual desires are common in this situation. As I say above youngsters needs a level of maturity. They should be assured that can deal with this responsibility. Differently, they may not success on matrimony and fail in their life.

    Furthermore, it would be hard to prepare for a university career without parents support. Youngsters are more likely to rich an academic title staying with their. For example, when a student goes to university, he needs time to attend class and do his homework. If he has support from parents, he is able to pursue his career without any distraction or impediment. The parents will supply his personal needs like food, housing, money, and so on. Then he do not have to work and gain time for his studies. On the other hand, if he lives on his own account, he will have to get a full-time job to satisfy his needs and will not attend properly his class.

    To sum up, clearly youngsters need a grade of mature to decide to leave home, also living with family is the best way to acquire an academic title. Therefore, it would be wise staying with family until youngsters gain knowledge, matureness and education to face the life alone. Otherwise, they could have a harsh road in their future.

  2. #2
    rmsh16 is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: Helpwith this essay

    Hi doesxp,

    I have different opinion altogether. The comments being given by you is egotistic.

    We should love our parents because they sacrifice a lot for us just for us to be born here in this world; they provide us our needs emotionally, spiritually and financially. And most of all they will accept us regardless of what we have and what we don't have. They will always ready to welcome us even we've done something wrong or our paths crooked.

    People may believe that they have been sent on this earth by God Himself and we go back when He recalls us. But at the same time we shall have to accept that we have come here on this earth through our parents and up till now, we could not see a person who has come on this earth directly from God. Even the people who have got some place in mythologies and in history and who had been founding religions and had been telling us that they are God had come on this earth through their parents and none has come directly from the side of God. That is the reason in Hindu Shastras, it has been admitted that parents are above all and none on earth can have a place equal to parents.

    Time is going on and we, who had started from stone age are now talking to the skies. In other words, what the parents could not do, their children are doing that. But still the children must understand that they had not come and they were not with all the wisdom, intellect and competency at their command when they were born. Their parents had been looking after them and they had been bringing them up. The parents had been saving him or her when there was cold, when there was hot and when they were wet or were lying in wet and dirty bed. The man knows that he starts caring for himself only when he comes in the age of 10 years or more and even at this stage, he is not in a position to earn and can provide himself for all the facilities which are required for proper development.

    If one has an introspection, he shall come to the conclusion that he would no have survived had their been no parents or others to look after him or her. We all know that we need proper education, proper training, proper adjustment in life, proper earning and then we are to marry and settle a house. And lucky are those who have got parents and they could get all help from the side of their parents. The people who have got no parents because the parents died earlier or they had been lost in crowds, never get the same psychology as a normal child could get through parents. The child who got no parents to look after him or her remains all alone in life and he never feels that he has got someone to protect him or her.

    The child is compensating his or her parents and therefore, there are chances that he or she would be having more education, more training, more wisdom, more intellect, more income and a higher status in society and in the work place, but still he is not better than his or her parents and therefore the child must keep in mind that he shall not compare himself or herself better than his or her parents. He must be thankful to his parents who could provide him facilities through which he could achieve these heights and should never counter his parents. We, the people of India know the story of Shri Rama who left his house only because his father had directed him to leave the house and even his rights to have the throne. It means, the order of the parents should be followed and no child should say that the order from the side of his or her parents is wrong and therefore, he would not follow that order.

    You may carry out the order of your parents or you may not carry out the order of your parents, but one thing should be taken care of that you should not refuse to carry out the order of your parents at their face and tell them that they are in the wrong. The parents are not in a position to bear all this because they are living only with one hope in their mind that their children are obedient and they shall be carrying out the orders of their parents. This psychology and wish of the parents must be kept alive and the parents should fee proud of the fact that their children are advancing.

    We must understand that all in the world other than the parents may feel jealous when we are rising, but the parents shall feel happy and shall pray for your more success. If we can pray for others, we must locate our parents who can pray for us and would always desire that we should go ahead and we should win all the ventures we have undertaken. Even your brothers and sisters may be having some love for you but still there are chances that they may not feel pleasure when you are rising higher and higher and sometime they may be having some property disputes with you. But your parents shall not be sad when you are rising. They shall be happy and they shall be proud of the fact that you are rising and rising higher in life.
    So when we are allotting status and position to others, we should have more care when we have a look on our parents and they should be placed still higher and when we are doing all this we should not expect thanks from our parents. We are just doing something to repay the debt and we are not creating a debt against our parents. We are nobody to repay the debts which the parents have established against us and we may take thousands of such births, but still we are not in a position to clear the debts. So it is our duty to ensure that we are to say ‘yes my dear father, yes my dear mother’ and nothing more. No reasons and no explanations should be placed before parents nor we should try to establish before our parents that we are having more qualifications, more money and a higher status. We are still low and we should keep this position till our parents are alive and even after their dearth, we should not try to say that they had been in the wrong. They are right, they were right and they shall be right should be the lifelong idea with us.

    Cheers
    Rasna
    Last edited by rmsh16; 10-Jan-2009 at 04:18.

  3. #3
    doesxp is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Helpwith this essay

    rmsh16, thanks for your comment and example, but the essay is just only a practice, in no way express my real thought. The point in this drill is, if I would have been agreed with the choice. And I only want to know if I could express myself in English, and see my critical grammar errors. Anyway thank you for at least replying and for this great example.
    Last edited by doesxp; 09-Jan-2009 at 15:50.

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