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  1. #1
    j.hajinlee is offline Newbie
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    Can anyone go over my college essay?



    Describe a setback that you have faced. How did you resolve it? How did the outcome affect you? If something similar happened in the future, how would you react?

    In the summer of 2004, I was offered an opportunity to travel to a place unimaginable. It took a year of training to prepare my mind and body for the intense and rigid place I was going to. I was indeed scared and nervous but I knew that this would help me see life in a new perspective. Finally a year passed and the summer of 2005 was raging on us. I was one of many young participants whom I grew to love and care for as my own brothers and sisters. I took part in a mission trip that my church had been planning. My mother was hesitant of sending my sister and I to the Dominican Republic knowing that it was a third world country. Her mind was consumed with thoughts of us being in danger and possibly not returning home. When the time came near to head off, my mother had made her decision to pull my sister and I out of the mission trip. I was devastated and filled with anger. My heart had been set to go with the others to use our love and compassion to aid to their community, especially their children.
    Although I was unable to go, my mind was focused on helping others. Throughout my high school years, I took part in many organizations that allowed me to aid those in need. Through all my experiences with many different people, I realized that I should not be set on those in different countries when people need help in my own community. I remember sitting one day with a patient diagnosed with Alzheimer and helping her with arts and craft. Even though their life seemed meaningless to others, they lived with extreme jubilee and excitement. They loved having others with them, especially the young. By just sitting there, I knew that I was giving them a reason to smile because they knew that there were people willing to help them and see them as human beings rather than the ill.
    Now that I am older, I hope that I can come across another great opportunity to share my love with others and experience the life that they live in other countries. I will for sure take the offer with gratitude and thanksgiving. To this day I do not regret not being able to go on that mission trip my heart had been set on. The day I had to quit made me open my mind and see that people need help not only in third world countries but in my own community. I am glad that was able to help not only the young but also the old. These experiences helped me to grow into a young lady that is always finding ways to be able to help others no matter what the circumstances may be. I hope that someday when I am old, that someone will be nearby giving me a reason to smile.

    I really want to get into this college but I dont know if this essay fits the prompt or if its even good..

    Thank you SOO MUCH!





    Last edited by j.hajinlee; 16-Jan-2009 at 22:32.

  2. #2
    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
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    Re: Can anyone go over my college essay?

    Quote Originally Posted by j.hajinlee View Post



    In the summer of 2004, I was offered an opportunity to travel to a place unimaginable. It took a year of training to prepare my mind and body for the intense and rigid place I was going to. I was indeed scared and nervous but I knew that this would help me see life in a new perspective.
    In the summer of 2004 I was offered an opportunity to travel to a place that I could never have imagined I would go to. It took me a year to prepare for it. I was indeed scared and nervous, but I knew that it would help me see life from a new perspective.

  3. #3
    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
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    Re: Can anyone go over my college essay?

    Quote Originally Posted by j.hajinlee View Post

    Finally a year passed and the summer of 2005 was upon us.


    Quote Originally Posted by j.hajinlee View Post
    I was one of many young participants whom I grew to love and care for as my own brothers and sisters.

    There has got to be a better word than "participants" that you could use there.




    Last edited by RonBee; 18-Jan-2009 at 16:34.

  4. #4
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    Re: Can anyone go over my college essay?

    Say:

    My mother was reluctant to send my sister and me to....

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