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    #1

    I need a teacher can correct/verify my short essay. Please hel me!

    Between 1993 and 2003 Britain knew a vast process of immigration.
    Africa joined a very important role: 13 million people were permitted to enter Britain from black continent, 9 percent of all immigrants.
    London Police threw light on a pressing question concerning the phenomenon of African immigrants in Britain, what has been called " ritualistic abuse".
    With this term Scotland Yard indicated all a series of violences and tortures suffered by dozens of children of African origin accused of witchcraft by family and friends.
    A Metropolitan Police intelligence report identified 31 such cases in five years in London alone and of them only five led to charges.
    The main point of interest was to settle the extent of the problem and to this scope served the Project Violet set up by Scotland Yard.
    The following are the exact words Detective Superintendent Chris Bourlet, the head of Scotland Yard's Child Abuse Investigative Command, told the Sunday Telegraph: " We set up Project Violet after community groups came to us with their concerns over the extent of ritualistic abuse. We all care about our children and they were concerned that children were being harmed."
    At the same time he wanted to underline their real difficult in identifying the scale of problem and in approaching to this situation, a "hidden crime" that usually takes place in people's homes and as such hard to detect and investigate.
    Angola and the Democratic Republic of the Congo represent the two African countries in which ritualistic abuse is believed to be particularly prevalent.

  1. English-coach's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: I need a teacher can correct/verify my short essay. Please hel me!

    Quote Originally Posted by alien162 View Post
    Between 1993 and 2003 Britain knew experienced a great immigration.
    Africa played a very important role: 13 million people were permitted to enter Britain from that continent, representing 9 percent of all immigrants.
    London Police shed light on a pressing question concerning the phenomenon of African immigrants in Britain, which has been called " ritualistic abuse".
    With this, Scotland Yard iniciated a series of violence and torture, suffered by dozens of children of African decent, accused of witchcraft by family and friends.
    A Metropolitan Police intelligence report identified 31 such cases in five years in London alone and of them only five led to charges.
    The main point of interest was how the problem was settled and the involvement of "Project Violet", set up by Scotland Yard.
    The following are the exact words Detective Superintendent Chris Bourlet, the head of Scotland Yard's Child Abuse Investigative Command, told the Sunday Telegraph: " We set up Project Violet after community groups came to us with their concerns over the extent of ritualistic abuse. We all care about our children and they were concerned that children were being harmed."
    At the same time he wanted to underline their real difficulty in identifying the scale of the problem and in approaching this situation, a "hidden crime" that usually takes place in people's homes and as such, hard to detect and investigate.
    Angola and the Democratic Republic of the Congo represent the two African countries in which ritualistic abuse is believed to be particularly prevalent.
    I made some changes for word choice and grammar. There are still a couple sentences that need a little work but going over it a couple times will help. :) Good work.

    Diana
    http://www.helping-you-learn-english.com
    Last edited by English-coach; 25-Jan-2009 at 12:30.


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    #3

    Re: I need a teacher can correct/verify my short essay. Please hel me!

    Please check the figures at the beginning of the essay. It seems unlikely that the UK received 13 million immigrants between 1993 and 2003. The total population of the UK is only 60 million. (Is it 1.3 million?)

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