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  1. #1
    Jessica77512 is offline Newbie
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    Default please help me correct this piece of writing:>

    081220
    Now, a lot of charities and organizations have publicized their activities and set up a number of days to name the special day, like National Children’ Day, National Non-smoking Day ... Why do they do so and what the effect will be?

    It has become an increasingly common practice for some charities and organisations to make their activities publicized as well as name some special day for many well-intended reasons. By doing so, this practice is likely to cause certain positive effects

    The possible reasons for this behavior are mainly twofold. Both the open activities and days in honor of some special meanings, such as National Children’ Day, National Non-smoking Day can bring people, especially the adolescents, an awareness of the importance of offering help unselfishly and some beneficial behaviour. The busy and competitive daily life enables people to forget helping others who are in special need or even ignore what is really good for them. Therefore, such activities may arouse people’s consciousness of doing others favor at due course. More importantly, this behavior has special meaning for the young, especially those who are self-centered and indifferent. To establish some days to name the special day can make citizens, the offspring in particular understand the noble purpose of this honor. Hence, some virtuous habits may be passed down from generation to generation.

    With more activities open and special days named, an increasing number of people will begin to focus their attention on charities and further put their precious time and energy into groups and activities involved. Moreover, to set up some special days with deep meanings and to organize some counterpart activities can make people truly realize the importance of things and people they have ignored and start to do something for others as well as themselves.

    To conclude, these activities will definitely draw people’s attention to some charities and influence them consciously or unconsciously to do some noble deeds. Meanwhile, for the offspring, it is also far-reaching and meaningful to remember those days with special meanings

  2. #2
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    RonBee is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: please help me correct this piece of writing:>

    I would prefer teenagers or young people to adolescents.





  3. #3
    Jessica77512 is offline Newbie
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    Smile Re: please help me correct this piece of writing:>

    Thank you so much for your time. But is it because adolescents too formal or ....? and how about the whole content, especially the supporting ideas? I am not quite sure about them.

    Thanks again in advance :>

  4. #4
    RonBee's Avatar
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    Default Re: please help me correct this piece of writing:>

    The term adolescents is used mostly in the social sciences (psychology, sociology, etc.).


  5. #5
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    Default Re: please help me correct this piece of writing:>

    Quote Originally Posted by Jessica77512 View Post
    081220
    Now, a lot of charities and organizations have publicized their activities and set up a number of days to name the special day, like National Children’ Day, National Non-smoking Day ... Why do they do so and what the effect will be?

    It is difficult to know what the writer is trying to say. For example, if a lot of charities and organizations (what organizations?) have publicized their activities then there must be some that haven't publicized their activities.

    Say:
    What will the effect be?

    or

    What is the effect?
    Charities publicize their activities to get attention and increase contributions.


  6. #6
    Jessica77512 is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: please help me correct this piece of writing:>

    thank you sooooooo much. I really appreciate your sincere help

  7. #7
    RonBee's Avatar
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    Default Re: please help me correct this piece of writing:>

    How about a rewrite making an effort to achieve better clarity? Use simpler sentences. Explain to the reader how you formed your opinions.


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