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  1. #1
    Leking is offline Newbie
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    Default Please correct my essay :$

    Im sorry for bothering all you people but if it would be possible if someone could correct my essay since i have it for tomorrow.
    And please tell me what do you think of it, is it good or bad .

    Topic: Where I Live, and What I Live For



    Life is like an ocean with its tides and ebb-tides. We are like sailors trying our best to cross over this ocean, taking risks on everything that comes in front of us. Like everyone else I also am the captain of my own life, the one who takes his own decisions, and the one who chooses which way to go. When I was a child I had a life filled with love and happiness things that accompany me in these days too. As I grew up I learned a lot from my parents and became what I am today. Nowadays I'm a grown up person who has just started his new independent life. Now I have a lot to fight for, to do and to live. Family is the most important piece that I have in my life. It is the only thing that comes before everything else.
    My family was always there for me, taking care of me, healing every pain that I had and now I think it is the time for me to pay them back. One of the ways to pay them back is this university. I entered here with the dream that one day I will become someone who has an important place in the society. With the dream that one day I'll look at my parents and see in their eyes how proud they are of me. And I'm sure that by learning and working hard I'll make that dream come true. Friends are the pole of my personality, and they are always the rescue, like diamonds in this life, and for having them in my life it’s a fact that makes me rich. Living for someone it’s just wasting air, but I, I live for myself, and live for the moments I’m into. So as you can see life is castellated by different hemispheres and everything that surrounds life it scales it, and potentiates life.
    I live in a small city named Gjakova, everything there it’s just like home. the feeling you get from the place you have been born, you can’t find anywhere else, and that’s why it is so special to me. I’ve grew up there and lived most of my life there until now, I share there most of my memories with that place, good ones and bad ones. Also sticking to the memories of my city, there are times that will keep me forever in the sense of life. Talking to my friends, times that we had together by going out after the school. Moreover we had a place where everyone was eating and drinking, and talking to each other. It was a sharing of experiences outside of the school. Also making new friends, laughing together, making plans how to organize parties. In one word having fun as a young people, as a young generation that we didn’t have a clue what is coming for us in the future, without thinking that in our lives are waiting responsibilities for us, not just how to have fun and how to make new friends. But now we understand that we are in that time when we should have some responsibilities. But always thinking about the past, thinking about my place where I lived and how I lived. In one word, there are same responsibilities as we were young but in different ways. When I say in different ways, I mean that my decisions that I made, make me stick to them for my entire life. For example, choosing the right college and the field of studying. In the other way looking at the place where I lived and compared to the place where I live now is very different. I don’t have the friends anymore that I used to have, since I grew up in a different society, where people know what you do and who you are. Now everything is different, friends and even the society thinks different. They don’t pay that much attention to friends; in one word they are so cold in relationship friend to friend which in my city used to be different. We used to care about the friend, sharing problems trying to help each other and in the same time having fun always.
    Still my love gets deeper and bigger because I share my feelings with a person that comes from that city. She is the star that lights my path (straight to her), and she makes me love my life and my reason to live for. My “home sweet home” like the old people said before, nothing compares to your own nest, the baked bread my mother used to cook for me, and the warm hugs my father gave me when I was a tiny boy. It’s all like in a fantasy, but life still isn’t over, and there are a lot to be experienced. Momentally university is primary and the only thing I give all my time and my work for. After that comes career and family. Life flows like the water in the river; it runs away in between out of our fingers.
    In conclusion, we have to agree that there is something that I should think back for my place where I grew up, no matter where I will be, no matter what, the memories will always be inside me. Moreover of memories is that thinking about the past, enjoying things of the past will help me to go forward in my future life.
    Last edited by Leking; 21-Jan-2009 at 22:38.

  2. #2
    Leking is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Please correct my essay :$

    Please people don't let me down

  3. #3
    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: Please correct my essay :$

    We make decisions (not take decisions).

    Make paragraphs.


  4. #4
    RonBee's Avatar
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    Default Re: Please correct my essay :$

    We bake bread.

    (How many rewrites so far?)



  5. #5
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    Default Re: Please correct my essay :$

    Can love get deeper? Maybe. Stronger? Maybe. Bigger? I don't think so.



    What's a good title for this one?


  6. #6
    Leking is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Please correct my essay :$

    Thank you all who helped me :)

    Especially RonBee

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Please correct my essay :$

    Perhaps:
    One of the ways for me to pay them back is to become a success. I will do that by going to school to learn what I need to learn.
    Say:
    an important place in society

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