Good title!Originally Posted by ram
That is a good beginning sentence. However, you might also explain that it was before your mom married your dad. Otherwise, there is a definite possibility of confusing the reader.Originally Posted by ram
Change will to would. (In this case, would is the past tense of will.)Originally Posted by ram
See above.Originally Posted by ram
That is good, but there are punctuation and capitalization problems there. Also, punch would, I think, be better than punched (last "sentence").Originally Posted by ram
Change cannot to could not (third sentence).Originally Posted by ram
Using father and mother or mom and dad suggests that they were already married. Find a way to suggest their true relationship at that time.Originally Posted by ram
Word pairs: father and mother; mom and dad; ma and pa.
QUOTE=ram]That was the start of their long trips to the bank. There were problems at first like “forgotten passwords”, “forgotten numbers” and “offline”. But my mom’s ability to tackle the machine improved and their romance improved faster. Their experience was never “forgotten” and their one wish yesterday, which was their 12th wedding anniversary, was that their marriage will be “online” forever.[/QUOTE]
That is good.
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