Hello Everyone,

I having a some troube to write an essay and for the university i would like to attend to. The topic is:

Please write an essay, approximately 500-700 words (typically one page) in length on one of following topics.

I choose this one:
The 18th century French philosopher Denis Diderot said, “Only passions, great passions can elevate the soul to great things.” Describe one of your passions and reflect on how it has contributed to your personal growth.

New every time i look over it again i am not really satisfied and i just dont know where the problem lies. Since english is not my first language it is very possible that some sentances are wrong or i used a sentance in german and simply transated it wrongly.

If there is any one who could read through my essay and give me some advise i would be very grateful.

I already thank you in advance
Vaan

Here it is:
Accidents do happen, some are completely out of mankind’s hands but many can be avoided with an appropriate schooling. An accident which I will always remember took place on one of the many army training grounds in Zürich on July 22, 2006 where a recruit shot one of his companions with his rifle during a training mission. During that time I was a member of the Swiss Marksmen Confraternity and a passionate sports marksman, fascinated by concentration, precision and discipline needed to win a competition. Soon after that incident in Zürich, I joined the armed forces for the six months mandatory service, where I experienced a very similar scenario. A good friend of mine accidently pulled the trigger of his machine gun on an attempt to unload it. The bullets hit the ground only a few inches away from our lieutenant, leaving him with a shock but otherwise unharmed.

It was that day when I made up my mind that from now on I will make sure never to let such accidents happen again. The main reason for an accident with a firearm is that the time spent explaining the weapon as well as the training is too short. Hence a great many people handle it too lightly and will eventually cause and accident endangering everyone around them. No one can be expected to perfectly know the procedures and mechanics of a gun after a simple introduction with some succinct comments and quick training sessions. It takes a lot of practice, vigilance and discipline to fully understand the functions of a weapon and therefore, rushing through a manual will only worsen the process of learning.

During my service in the army I spent a lot of time with the junior marksmen of the Marksmen Confraternity as an assistant instructor. Almost every Saturday morning I trained with them, demonstrated how to handle, maintain and shoot their rifles. Instead of shooting with real bullets we practiced with training ammunition which the army sponsored and made sure that everyone knew how to behave and act in a shooting range. Of course it is not always unproblematic to tell teenagers what to do and how to conduct themselves, especially when you are only about five years older. However, they always gave their best and showed great interest and enthusiasm.

Already after the first year, the training really paid out and the changes were almost unbelievable. The junior’s were living their action-loaded teenage life in their free time, but as soon as they entered the range, they were all ready, focused and knew what they were doing. We enjoyed a great many competitions and it was hilarious to watch when my juniors were behaving better than the adults and even telling them to be more carefully where they were pointing their barrels at. I was very proud of being their trainer and that motivated me even more to arrange excursions and activities outside the shooting range.

Not only did the 18th century French philosopher Denis Diderot state that “Only passions, great passions can elevate the soul to great things.”, but forty years later he also portrayed passion itself by declaring that “There is only one passion, the passion for happiness.”, and I could not agree more. I always looked forward to the next Saturday morning, knowing that the entire club will have an interesting and entertaining time together.
Because of this opportunity given to me, I learned how to appeal a wide range of people from a 16-years-old boy to a veteran officer in the army and tell them how important it is to know what you are doing with a gun. The time I spent with all those different people was very educational form m and I really learned how to motivate younger people. I can undoubtedly say that the wonderful experiences I had, moderating these individuals played an immense role in my personal growth and I hope to experience more of those events in my life.