Re: please correct my letter and please give a ascore to my letter
I suppose this letter will be used as an apology in front of your superiors. You need to make it a bit more formal, I think. So here's my version:
My name is Jack Anderson. I am supposed to start working as your emloyee next week, on Monday 15th of July, but unfortunately I won't be able to. (Monday, 15th of July is still in the future at the time of writing, right? Which is why I find the use of past tense inappropriate.)
The reason for this is an ijury I had (when?). I ("accidentally" is really not needed - noone breaks his leg on purpose) broke my leg after I slipped while getting off a bus. Although not the worst fracture, I will still have to take some rest.
("Fortunately"? I don't see anything fortunate here) The doctor said the earliest time I could start working is in two weeks. That means I could come to work on 21st of July. I'm terribly sorry for this delay.
Thank you in advance for your understanding.
Hope this helps. Please let the moderators correct this message in case of any mistakes, for which I apologize in advance.