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  1. #1
    Tan Elaine is offline Key Member
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    Default short composition for correction

    Hi everybody

    Could some member/members go through the short story and correct any errors found in it?

    Many thanks in advance.

    One sunny day, Father suggested going to the beach. Brother and I were happy to hear that, as we had not been there for a long time. Father drove Mum and us to our destination.

    On reaching the place, all of us went to look for a spot to put our things. We found one under a shady tree. Then Father, Sister and I went to the changing room to change into our swimming suits. Then we went for a swim. Father taught us how to do it the correct way. About half an hour later, I told Father that I was tired. We went back to where Mother was. She was engrossed in a novel.

    Soon it was time for lunch. We ate the food that Mother had cooked at home. After our meal, Father decided to stay with Mum, and read the newspaper which he had brought from home.

    Brother and I strolled along the beach to look for a spot to make a sandcastle. Having found a spot, both of us worked together to make one. We were very satisfied when we had finished what we set out to do because it looked beautiful.

    By then it was evening, so Father said it was time for us to go home. Brother and I were so tired that we dozed in the car on the way home.
    Last edited by Tan Elaine; 12-Feb-2009 at 19:39. Reason: spotted errors

  2. #2
    Searching for language is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: short composition for correction

    The only mistakes that I can see are the capitalizations of father, mother and sister. They are only capitalizd if you are addressing them as in a religious order............... Father Joseph, Mother Superior, Sister Mary etc.

    Also, at the beginning of the second to last paragraph, it would be better if you say "My sister and I" instead of "Sister and I"

    Otherwise

  3. #3
    Tan Elaine is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: short composition for correction

    Hi fellow members

    Searching for Language says that my composition is fine except for the use of
    Father, etc.

    Could another member please go through it and see if there are any more errors?

    Many thanks in advance.

  4. #4
    Searching for language is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: short composition for correction

    Quote Originally Posted by Tan Elaine View Post
    Hi fellow members

    Searching for Language says that my composition is fine except for the use of
    Father, etc.

    Could another member please go through it and see if there are any more errors?

    Many thanks in advance.

    It is always good to get another opinion, so I hope someone else will also go through this. I did go through it rather quickly yesterday.

    There is one more thing that would improve your writing. While technically/grammatically not incorrect, it would be better if you used my father/our father, my sister, my brother at least some of the time.

  5. #5
    Tan Elaine is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: short composition for correction

    HI fellow members,

    Could some member/s please comment on my composition? I believe there are more errors in my composition but I, a non-native, am unable to detect them.

    I have to thank Searching for Language for his help

    Thanks in advance.

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