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  1. #1
    love_manu is offline Newbie
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    Default help me! correct to my CV! thanks so much

    Name: TRAN VAN CHIEU
    Address: 49/69 Dinh Tien Hoang, Ward 3, Binh Thanh District, HCMC
    Cellphone: 0983 159963
    Email: EMAIL REMOVED - Send PM to This User Instead

    February 16, 2009

    VIETNAM AUSTRALIA INTERNATIONAL SCHOOL
    161 Dong Khoi, Ben Nghe Ward, Dist 1, HCMC
    Att: Recruitment – HR Department

    Dear Sir / Madam,

    I want to introduce myself to VIETNAM AUSTRALIA INTERNATIONAL School. I heard that about your school. It’s good school and operating in field of educating. One of the leading educational institutions in Vietnam. I am creative person, and I am self-starter. Yes, I can brainstorm to make more ideas in a short time.

    I want to apply for the position of the ICT Teaching Assistant. I’m now enclosing my certificates, photographs and enclosed are the different options involved for your consideration.

    I have just graduated from Lotus University but I think I can work well. Why do I think so? Because I believe in myself. I can speak English clearly, quite well. Now, I still learn English and will get TOEIC degree in near future. Besides, I know how to use the computer perfectly and I have a three month internship experience at VNPRO Center; furthermore, I also got international network certificates such as CCNA, MCSA.

    In my opinion, I think ICT Teaching Assistant position with VAS is suitable to me. My work’s slogan is: “My boss is my customer”, so that I’ll do my job with all abilities. I’m looking forward to hearing from you soon. I would be happy to come for an interview at your convenience and I can be reached anytime.

    Sincerely Yours,

    Tran Van Chieu

  2. #2
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    Default Re: help me! correct to my CV! thanks so much

    In my opinion, you should seperate CV and personal statement.
    + CV: devide into categories: your objective, highlight qualifications, education, certification, experience (turoring during schooltime or sth like that)...
    + Personal statement: tell them who you are, what you have (not yet mentioned in CV)...etc
    You may google for template of CV and examples of personal statement.

    Good luck.

  3. #3
    thod00 is offline Member
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    Default Re: help me! correct to my CV! thanks so much

    If you look at the structure, the first paragraph tells them how great they are, the second says what is wanted, and then on to why it should be given.

    Is this a Vietnamese custom? Do you always open a conversation by telling the other person how good they are, then go on to the real business?

    I would usually expect the opening paragraph to say what this letter is about. That way a reader can decide if they are interested or not. The secretary that opens it for example doesn't care about all the information only which department to pass it to.

  4. #4
    thedaffodils's Avatar
    thedaffodils is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: help me! correct to my CV! thanks so much

    Hi Thod00,

    Would you please comment on the cover letter as below? I recast it by myself on the basis of Post 1. Many thanks!


    Dear Sir or Madam,

    I'm writing for applying for the position of the ICT Teaching Assistant in Vietnam Australia International school.

    I graduated from Lotus University, majoring in ABCDE in 2008. And I'll get TOEIC degree in the near future. Though I am just a newly graduate, I have had a three-month internship at VNPRO Center. And I've learned precious work experience from that job. Besides those, I also hold CCNA and MCSA - the international network certificates.

    I'm creative and hard-working. I'd like to devote myself to education. I'm very interested in your school because it is one of the leading educational institutions in Vietnam. I am eager to have an opportunity to contribute my knowledge and enthusiasm to your school.

    The enclosed is CV and a recent photo of mine. If any questions, please feel free to contact me.

    I look forward to hearing from you. Thank you very much for your consideration.

    Yours sincerely,

    Tran Van Chieu

  5. #5
    thedaffodils's Avatar
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    Default Re: help me! correct to my CV! thanks so much

    In my opinion, I think ICT Teaching Assistant position with VAS is suitable to me. My work’s slogan is: “My boss is my customer”, so that I’ll do my job with all abilities. I’m looking forward to hearing from you soon. I would be happy to come for an interview at your convenience and I can be reached anytime.
    The slogan looks a bit too commercial to me since you intend to work for a school but not a business. It's more important to show how much you want to devote yourself into education, and how you will love your students. Unless they simply want to recruit a yes-man.

    I have just graduated from Lotus University but I think I can work well. Why do I think so? Because I believe in myself. I can speak English clearly, quite well. Now, I still learn English and will get TOEIC degree in near future. Besides, I know how to use the computer perfectly and I have a three month internship experience at VNPRO Center; furthermore, I also got international network certificates such as CCNA, MCSA.
    It is good to be confident of your command of computer knowledge; however inappropriate words might suggest you would just be bragging. I doubt if the computer tycoon Bill Gates would proclaim that he could use computer PERFECTLY. Computer science includes hardwares and numerous softwares. Needless to mention them all, it is rather difficult to master Excel, which contains many functions.

    VIETNAM AUSTRALIA INTERNATIONAL SCHOOL
    161 Dong Khoi, Ben Nghe Ward, Dist 1, HCMC
    Att: Recruitment – HR Department
    Attn:

    In my opinion, I think ICT Teaching Assistant position with VAS is suitable to me.
    Since it is your opinion, surely it is the result of your thoughts. So I'd like to suggest to remove either 'in my opinion' or 'I think' from your words.


    Not offence!
    Last edited by thedaffodils; 18-Feb-2009 at 18:49.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: help me! correct to my CV! thanks so much

    Quote Originally Posted by thod00 View Post
    Is this a Vietnamese custom? Do you always open a conversation by telling the other person how good they are, then go on to the real business?
    You made a logical fallacy.
    Property in the Whole
    : The writer makes a claim based on the belief that a whole always possesses the characteristics of its parts, which is often untrue. Although this belief is sometimes acceptable, it is not universally applicable, so the appropriateness of using this idea must be determined on a case by case basis
    Since many of the students at St. Cloud State University get A's, St. Cloud State must be a top-rated school.

  7. #7
    thod00 is offline Member
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    Default Re: help me! correct to my CV! thanks so much

    You made a logical fallacy
    It was a question, not a statement. Customs vary from place to place and it best to write a polite letter. I know nothing about what is normal in other cultures.

    Dear Sir or Madam,

    I'm writing for applying to apply for the position of the ICT Teaching Assistant in Vietnam Australia International school.

    I graduated from Lotus University, majoring in ABCDE in 2008. And I'll get my TOEIC degree in the near future. Though I am just a newly graduate, I have had a three-month internship at VNPRO Center. And I've learned I gained precious work experience from that job. Besides those In addition, I also hold CCNA and MCSA - the international network certificates.

    I'm creative and hard-working. I'd like to devote myself to education. I'm very interested in your school because it is one of the leading educational institutions in Vietnam. I am eager to have an opportunity to contribute my knowledge and enthusiasm to your school.

    The enclosed is CV and a recent photo of mine. I enclose my CV and a recent photo. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me.

    I look forward to hearing from you. Thank you very much for your consideration.

    Yours sincerely faithfully,

    Tran Van Chieu
    A pretty good letter. It is well structured, breaks the information down into simple sentences and uses paragraphs to switch subjects.

    Never start a sentence with 'And', 'Or' etc.

    Writing business letters - Useful phrases: Yours faithfully or Yours sincerely?
    Letter writing phrases, business letters and correspondence, yours faithfully yours sincerely, salutations, opening lines. Speakspeak

  8. #8
    thedaffodils's Avatar
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    Default Re: help me! correct to my CV! thanks so much

    Hello Thod00,

    Thank you very much for taking time to comment and correct my writing again. I'm very encouraged.

    I have questions hightlighted in blue about your corrections as below. Could you please help me out at your leisure?

    Q1: I've learned I gained precious work experience from that job.

    Do you think it would be better if I use present prefect tense - that is 'I've gained'.

    Q2: Besides those In addition, I also hold CCNA and MCSA - the international network certificates.

    Why is 'besides those' wrong here?

    Q3: The enclosed is CV and a recent photo of mine. I enclose my CV and a recent photo.

    I think the expression of yours is very smooth. Of course, I know mine is clumsy. But is it bad to say 'The enclosed is ...'? I often told other people what I attached in the emails of mine. Should I always write it in active voice?

    Q4. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me.

    Why is it wrong if I omit ' you have' here?


    Have a good day! Many thanks!
    Last edited by thedaffodils; 19-Feb-2009 at 13:48.

  9. #9
    love_manu is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: help me! correct to my CV! thanks so much

    thanks for your help, I will write CV better thanks to your comments.

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