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  1. #1
    Ever Student's Avatar
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    Exclamation please edit this essay

    the affects of "use of English" on speaking and listening in language institues of Iran?


    There are many language institutes in Iran are teaching IELTS, which consists of writing, reading, listening, use of English and speaking. my article focused on use of English which has pulled through information during a term from one of the language institutes. and according this project students fell into speaking and listening.

    The class included 20 girls of between 15-18 age. at the first term, they could speak english fluently and accuratly. they could talk about normal and daily activities of thers. their listening was also fair. fourteen students, one is 15, 7 students were between 16 and 17 and the rest with the age of 18, answered correctly 20 multiple choice listening items out of 30. 6 of students, 2 were 15, one was 18 and the rest were 16, answered itemes between 10 to 15.

    Students were supposed to do their homework consisted of filling in the blanks, as well as matching items. Items were selected by materials and handbooks. and the teacher managed the class in what 4 or 5 copies of the materials and asked the students during the class.

    After 3 months their speed of speaking and listening came into the low level, but they could speak accurately. They were supposed to answer a listening multiple choice test consisted of 30 items, in which 7 students answered 16 questiobns correctly that three of them were 18, one was 17, one was 16, and 3 were 15. 10 students answered correctly 11 items; 6 out of 10 were 18, 2 were 16 and 2 were 15.


    On the basis of this project in one of the language institues among 20 Iranian girls, IELTS on "use of language" would not work if students didn't use the second language correctly. So it had better be improved.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: please edit this essay

    I am not a teacher but I think I spotted some faults correctly.
    Try to avoid the passive construction where it's possible. That way you avoid a abundance of verbs. Don't mix written numbers with numerical symbols, it's sloppy. Don't forget the capital letters.

    I only corrected the first half of your essay.



    the effects of the "use of English" on speaking and listening in the language institutes of Iran?


    Many language institutes in Iran are teaching IELTS, which consists of writing, reading, listening, speaking and use of English. My article focuses on the use of English which has pulled through information during a term from one of the language institutes. and according this project students fell into speaking and listening.

    The class included 20 girls of 15 to 18 years old. At the beginning of the first term, they were able to speak english fluently and accurately. They could talk about their normal and daily activities. Their listening was also of a fair level. Fourteen students, one aged fifteen, seven students of sixteen and seventeen and the rest eightteen years old, answered 20 out of 30 multiple choice questions correctly.
    Six of them got ten to fifteen items right. Two of which were fifteen, one eightteen and the rest were sixteen.

  3. #3
    Monticello's Avatar
    Monticello is offline Member
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    Default Re: please edit this essay

    Hi taghavi,

    Just saw your post.

    On my first "read-through" of your essay, it appears to me to be a good first draft for a statistical analysis that is intended to support the conclusion that you state in your final paragraph:
    On the basis of this project in one of the language institues among 20 Iranian girls, IELTS on "use of language" would not work if students didn't use the second language correctly. So it had better be improved.
    A bit about me: I am an English and math teacher from Boston, Massachusetts (USA). I also have experience in writing statistical analyses. I would be willing to help you edit your draft via posts to this thread, but before I begin to help you here, would you first be willing to provide me with some answers to questions that will help me to help you?

    Here are my questions:
    -Why are you writing this essay? -for example: Is it a writing assignment for a course of study in school? If so, what course of study?

    - If it is a school assignment, would you be willing to share the written specifications for the assignment with me here in these posts?

    - If it is a school assignment, what, if any, restrictions might be placed upon you by your teacher / professor about the kind of assistance you may receive?

    - Who is your intended audience? If it's not a school writing assignment could you please be as specific as possible about the intended reviewing audience?

    - When is your essay due for review?
    Again, your answers to these questions will help me to key in on your exact expectations and needs.

    - All the best

  4. #4
    Ever Student's Avatar
    Ever Student is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: please edit this essay

    Hello, Dear Teacher

    I'm very glad to hear someone helps me out.

    I wrote this essay for the first time to learn about how to write an essay, it's not an assignment. It's just for gaining experience, So I need someone to support me.
    The audience is an English teacher. They are my intented audience. I am coming here to learn somethings unknown.

    Please feel free to help me,
    Thanks a lot, Leila

  5. #5
    Monticello's Avatar
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    Default Re: please edit this essay

    Hi taghavi,

    So if I'm understanding you correctly: You didn't collect any of the data that you write about in this essay? That is, the statistics that you cite concerning a classroom review of IELTS "during a term from one of the language institutes" have been entirely invented by you expressly for the purpose of writing your essay?

  6. #6
    Ever Student's Avatar
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    Default Re: please edit this essay

    Hi,

    I went to IELTS class and saw such this situtation. Yes, data has been made up by me and I am just to know how to write and support an essay such as paragraph writing. I do know this is not acceptable to collect fanciful data, but it would be just an experience the way of writting an essay. I also do know about plagiarism, however; at first, if someone is to know how to write something, he/she won't need to collect the true data.
    Now, would you like to edit my errors?

  7. #7
    Monticello's Avatar
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    Default Re: please edit this essay

    Hi taghavi,

    Thanks for your patience in waiting for a reply from me.

    Just want to let you know that I am very glad to help you with your essay.

    Because it's very late here in Boston -- now 1:00am (past midnight), I do not have the time at this moment. But with my schedule for tomorrow, I see no problem in getting a corrected copy of your writing for you to look over by tomorrow night (Boston time). I hope that this will be OK for you.

    If, in the meantime, somebody else on these forums is able to help you, then that just means that you will have an additional set of suggestions to draw from.

    Again, thanks for being so patient.









  8. #8
    Ever Student's Avatar
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    Default Re: please edit this essay

    Hello again,

    You are very welcome, Ok I am waiting for you tomorrow night to do me a favour and edit my mistakes.

    Best regards,
    Leila

  9. #9
    Charlie Bernstein is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: please edit this essay

    I don't do people's homework, sorry. But here are some tips:

    - Start sentences with capitals.
    - In general, spell out one-word numbers.
    - Its effect or effects, not affects. A dictionary will show you the difference.

    [I edit text and have tutored college writing.]

  10. #10
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Default Re: please edit this essay

    Monticello is having a technical problem posting in this particular thread but will be back as soon as possible.

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