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  1. #1
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    Red face Correction for 23-02-2009

    Could you correct my texts quickly please?

    At that time, I was alone face such a frightened situation. I must take my respective place in that new world, the nursery school. I must have self-confidence to overcome my fears related with the unknown. Effectively, I didn't know a single child in my class and I had to trust my instinct to make for the good ones. This way, I avoided certain potential problems.
    Luckily for me, I found, since the very first minutes of my school journey, somebody who carried on his face a beautiful smile. That smile went hand in hand with his shiny eyes and inspired faith to me. That person who seemed so attractive wore the name of Kim. She appeared to me like a lifebelt in that unknown sea. Her personality fitted with mine. The qualities of one filled the defects of the other and vice versa. We sponged off every moment we spent together during which we laughed until we cried. We shared the same vision of life, we represented souls mates but in his friendship version...
    In brief, we helped each other to get through the different difficulties which were open to take place in our existence. Without her presence in my life, I must admit that this particular period would represent a bigger obstacle to overcome.
    However, before we started our grade one after a marvellous summer spent outside to play from the sunrise to that fabulous show which represented sunset, her family and she decided to turn over a new leaf because her father heard, through the grapevine, that an interesting job was not made up in Quebec city. No longer after that decision, she left for the capital and since that day, I never see her shiny face again... When I still think to this dreary fact today, a bitter feeling of deception overcomes me: lost a loved one can not considered as an easy thing to forget.


    I was, at that moment, six years old and I was about to meet somebody with who I would develop an important relationship, a particular one that I will never get twice in my life for sure. Like every child who was the same age as me, I was trying different activities to find which one was open to fit with my personality, my talents and my tastes. After soccer, ice skating and gymnastic, my parents didn't know anymore where they could register their dear daughter. That situation could be explained by my character which tended to be indecisive. Effectively, after spending a certain time to do the same thing, I became, every single time, to be bored about that sport and I claimed something different. This is to said that I grew tired quickly.
    However, that phenomenon didn't occur with tennis, maybe because of the attracted and unfamiliar colour of ball which represent an essential element of this sport (you can't play without this). By that shinny summer day, I lived my first tennis lesson with Alain, my coach at that period. Through his job, he could share his passion, become an example for those young people who saw him like a professional player although it was no the reality. He wanted to show us every little life pleasures, to prove us that life could be funny and enriching at the same time. His living joy was contagious, that aspect of his personality represented, for him, such a huge priority he hoped to pass on! Of course, Alain didn't failed once in their task. He always had shiny eyes, festive heart and happy soul! I will always remember the pleasure I felt that day by playing with a racket and by hitting balls. At first sight, Alain and I developed a special relationship, a friendly one. We shared the same personality and the same passion for tennis. He bore a peculiar energy which had a freshness wind effect in my young life. There was no shortage of opportunities to have a good laugh! As the years went by, I continued my progress in that fabulous sport with Alain who was not my trainer anymore because of my reached level. Therefore, never our friendship disappeared in spite of our age difference.
    For the time being, although he is now a police officer for Baie-Comeau, we stay in contact and every time he comes here, at Rimouski, we try to meet each other on a tennis court, our first meeting place!

    My father born in Saint-François-Xavier-de-Viger from an in love couple who already had a child, Mario. However, that boy didn't spring from that immortal love which existed between those two young human beings. In fact, he was adopted from a poor single-parent mother, who already had four children, by Thérèse et Léonard. Shortly afterwards appeared in that familial scene another kid, Yves, who became quickly Martin's playmate because of the important age difference which has separated Mario and Martin. Everyday and every night, they were together and those two brothers shared their life experiences, their deeper secrets too.

    Years went by and led them towards the seventies. It was the ten speeds bike era. Every children wanted one of those marvellous machine, but only the luckiest one could get it. By the time being, the majority of my father's friend got that kind of bike from their respective birthday. Consequently, it was wrote in black and write in the sky that Martin would hope to have one in no time to not be rejected from hid friend group. However, that bike was not dirt cheap! That was why Martin didn't except a lot of that request. At his surprise, his parents gave him that famous object...
    According to my father, it was the most beautiful and useful thing that our planet has ever carried. The red paint which covered that bike shined under that strong summer sun. Almost immediately, Yves asked Martin to try his now toy for a little ride in the neighbourhood. Because his little brother was his closer friend, Martin accepted that deal and saw Yves went away on his famous machine. he seemed so happy to do such a unpretentious activity...

    Hours went by, and Yves was not come by yet. Thérèse became more and more nervous. Martin got the burden, from his own father, to go through the neighbourhood to find his missing brother. Lay on the road on the corner of the main street, Yves was. My father rushed up towards him and realised that he will not have a little brother anymore. They have never discovered the reckless driver responsible of Yves' dead. But, my father will never forget that scene and the guilt he has felt because he agreed to share his new bike to his dear brother.

  2. #2
    bhaisahab's Avatar
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    Default Re: Correction for 23-02-2009

    I am sorry but that is a lot of work.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Correction for 23-02-2009

    Say:
    I was alone facing a frightening situation.


  4. #4
    thod00 is offline Member
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    Default Re: Correction for 23-02-2009

    I have rewritten the first paragraph for you.

    At that time, I was alone face such a frightened situation. I must take my respective place in that new world, the nursery school. I must have self-confidence to overcome my fears related with the unknown. Effectively, I didn't know a single child in my class and I had to trust my instinct to make for the good ones. This way, I avoided certain potential problems.
    Luckily for me, I found, since the very first minutes of my school journey, somebody who carried on his face a beautiful smile. That smile went hand in hand with his shiny eyes and inspired faith to me. That person who seemed so attractive wore the name of Kim. She appeared to me like a lifebelt in that unknown sea. Her personality fitted with mine. The qualities of one filled the defects of the other and vice versa. We sponged off every moment we spent together during which we laughed until we cried. We shared the same vision of life, we represented souls mates but in his friendship version...
    In brief, we helped each other to get through the different difficulties which were open to take place in our existence. Without her presence in my life, I must admit that this particular period would represent a bigger obstacle to overcome.
    However, before we started our grade one after a marvellous summer spent outside to play from the sunrise to that fabulous show which represented sunset, her family and she decided to turn over a new leaf because her father heard, through the grapevine, that an interesting job was not made up in Quebec city. No longer after that decision, she left for the capital and since that day, I never see her shiny face again... When I still think to this dreary fact today, a bitter feeling of deception overcomes me: lost a loved one can not considered as an easy thing to forget.
    Once I was alone. Then I found this internet forum full of English speakers, I was no longer alone. So I thought to myself, "why should I waste hours looking up words and checking grammar, let them do it". So I posted an essay, then I posted another. The people on the forum can correct it, suckers, I will get an 'A'.

    Oddly enough, I didn't get the response I expected. I checked, and I had posted correctly, yet the corrections didn't come. Clearly these people are either lazy or my writing is too brilliant for them. Perhaps they haven't read it yet, I shall give them more time to notice. In the meantime I shall post even more essays, that will get their attention. After all, whats the point of the forum if they wont do what they are told. Its no use to me unless I get my corrections. I explicitly told them I want it quickly. Lazy bums are probably off drinking coffee instead of doing my homework.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Correction for 23-02-2009

    Quote Originally Posted by thod00 View Post
    I have rewritten the first paragraph for you.



    Once I was alone. Then I found this internet forum full of English speakers, I was no longer alone. So I thought to myself, "why should I waste hours looking up words and checking grammar, let them do it". So I posted an essay, then I posted another. The people on the forum can correct it, suckers, I will get an 'A'.

    Oddly enough, I didn't get the response I expected. I checked, and I had posted correctly, yet the corrections didn't come. Clearly these people are either lazy or my writing is too brilliant for them. Perhaps they haven't read it yet, I shall give them more time to notice. In the meantime I shall post even more essays, that will get their attention. After all, whats the point of the forum if they wont do what they are told. Its no use to me unless I get my corrections. I explicitly told them I want it quickly. Lazy bums are probably off drinking coffee instead of doing my homework.
    Well, what good are we if we can't do it fast?

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Correction for 23-02-2009

    Sorry...

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Correction for 23-02-2009

    Quote Originally Posted by EMAIL REMOVED - Send PM to This User Instead View Post
    Could you correct my texts quickly please?
    Bold as the request may be, I took it upon myself to scan through the tekst and filter out the gravest errors and re-write some sentences. I didn't make it sound too smart...

    At that time, I was alone in facing such a frightening situation. I need to take my respective place in that new world, the nursery school. I need to breed the self-confidence to overcome my fears of the unknown. Effectively, I didn't know a single child in my class and I had to trust my instinct to aim for the good ones. This way, I hoped to avoid certain potential problems.
    Luckily for me, I found, since the very first minutes of my school journey, somebody who carried on his face a beautiful smile. That smile went hand in hand with his shiny eyes and inspired faith to me. That person who seemed so attractive wore the name of Kim. She appeared to me like a lifejacket in that unknown sea. Her personality complemented with mine. The qualities of one filled the defects of the other and vice versa. We sponged off every moment we spent together during which we laughed until we cried. We shared the same visions of life, we represented soul mates but in a friendship version...
    In brief, we helped each other to get through the different pitfalls which were destined to take place in our existence. Without her presence in my life, I must admit that this particular period would have represented a bigger obstacle to overcome.
    However, before we started our first grade after a marvellous summer spent outside to play from the sunrise to that fabulous show which represented sunset, she and her family decided to turn over a new leaf because her father heard, through the grapevine, that an interesting job was not filled in Quebec city. Not long after that decision, she left for the capital and since that day, I have never seen her shiny face again. When I still think of this dreary fact today, a bitter feeling of dread overcomes me: lost a loved one can not considered as an easy thing to forget.

    I was, at that moment, six years old and I was about to meet somebody with who I would develop an important relationship, a particular one that I will never get twice in my life for sure. Like any child my age, I was trying different activities to find which ones fit best with my personality, my talents and my tastes. After soccer, ice skating and gymnastics, my parents didn't know anymore where they could register their dear daughter. That situation could be explained by my character which tended to be indecisive. Effectively, after spending a certain time practising the same thing, I became, every single time, to grow tired about the sport in question and I embraced something different.
    However, that phenomenon didn't occur with tennis, perhaps because of the attractive and unfamiliar colour of the ball which represents an essential element of the sport (you can't play without it). After a shiny summer day, I had lived my first tennis lesson with Alain, my coach at that period. Through his job, he could share his passion, become an example for those young people who saw him like a professional player although it was no the reality. He wanted to show us every little one of life's pleasures, to convince us that life could be funny and enriching at the same time. His joie de vivre was contagious. It represented such a great part of his personality and he hoped to pass it on to us! Of course, Alain didn't fail once in his task. He always had shiny eyes, a festive heart and a great spirit! I will always remember the pleasure I felt, playing with a racket and hitting balls all day long. At first sight, Alain and I developed a special relationship, a friendly one. We shared the same personality and the same passion for tennis. He bore a peculiar energy which entered my young life as a fresh spring breeze. There was no shortage of opportunities to have a good laugh! As the years went by, I continued my progress in that fabulous sport with Alain who was not my trainer anymore because of my reached level. However, our friendship never disappeared, in spite of our age difference.
    For the time being, although he is now a police officer for Baie-Comeau, we stay in contact and every time he comes here, at Rimouski, we try to meet each other on a tennis court, the place where we first met!

    My father was born in Saint-François-Xavier-de-Viger from an love-struck couple who were already blessed with a child named Mario. However, that boy didn't spring from that immortal love which existed between those two young human beings. In fact, he was adopted from a poor single-parent mother, who already brought four children into the world, Thérèse and Léonard. Shortly afterwards appeared in that familiar scene another kid, Yves, who quickly became Martin's playmate because of the important age difference separating Mario and Martin. Everyday and every night, they lived side by side and those two brothers shared their life experiences, their deeper secrets too.

    Years went by and led them into the seventies. It was the ten speeds bike era. Every child wanted one of those marvellous machines, but only the luckiest ones would get it. By the time being, the majority of my father's friends got that kind of bike for their respective birthdays. Consequently, it was written in black and white in the sky that Martin would hope to have one in no time to not be rejected from his clique. However, the bike was not dirt cheap! That was why Martin didn't expect his wish to come true. To his surprise, his parents gave him that desired object after all.
    According to my father, it was the most beautiful and useful thing that our planet had ever carried. The red paint which covered that bike shined under that blistering summer sun. Almost immediately, Yves asked Martin to try his new toy for a little ride in the neighbourhood. Because his little brother was his closest friend, Martin accepted that deal and saw Yves peddle away on his famous machine. he seemed so happy to do such a unpretentious activity.

    Hours went by, and Yves hadn't returned yet. Thérèse grew more and more anxious. Martin got the burden, from his own father, to search through the neighbourhood to find his missing brother. Laid on the road on the corner of the main street, Yves was. My father rushed up towards him and realised that Martin would from that day forth not have a little brother anymore. The authorities have never discovered the reckless driver responsible of Yves' dead. But, my father will never forget that scene and the guilt he has felt because he agreed to share his new bike to his dear brother.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Correction for 23-02-2009

    You need to make your sentences shorter. You need to space between paragraphs. You need to be consistent in tense. You need to strive for clarity.

    Quote Originally Posted by EMAIL REMOVED - Send PM to This User Instead View Post
    At that time, I was alone face such a frightened situation. I must take my respective place in that new world, the nursery school. I must have self-confidence to overcome my fears related with the unknown.
    I was alone and facing a frightening situation. I needed to take my place in that new world, the nursery school. I needed to have the self-confidence to overcome my fears of the unknown.
    Quote Originally Posted by EMAIL REMOVED - Send PM to This User Instead View Post
    Effectively, I didn't know a single child in my class and I had to trust my instinct to make for the good ones.
    I don't know what that means. Can you explain it?


  9. #9
    bhaisahab's Avatar
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    Default Re: Correction for 23-02-2009

    Quote Originally Posted by Torrance88 View Post
    Bold as the request may be, I took it upon myself to scan through the tekst and filter out the gravest errors and re-write some sentences. I didn't make it sound too smart...

    At that time, I was alone in facing such a frightening situation. I need to take my respective place in that new world, the nursery school. I need to breed the self-confidence to overcome my fears of the unknown. Effectively, I didn't know a single child in my class and I had to trust my instinct to aim for the good ones. This way, I hoped to avoid certain potential problems.
    Luckily for me, I found, since the very first minutes of my school journey, somebody who carried on his face a beautiful smile. That smile went hand in hand with his shiny eyes and inspired faith to me. That person who seemed so attractive wore the name of Kim. She appeared to me like a lifejacket in that unknown sea. Her personality complemented with mine. The qualities of one filled the defects of the other and vice versa. We sponged off every moment we spent together during which we laughed until we cried. We shared the same visions of life, we represented soul mates but in a friendship version...
    In brief, we helped each other to get through the different pitfalls which were destined to take place in our existence. Without her presence in my life, I must admit that this particular period would have represented a bigger obstacle to overcome.
    However, before we started our first grade after a marvellous summer spent outside to play from the sunrise to that fabulous show which represented sunset, she and her family decided to turn over a new leaf because her father heard, through the grapevine, that an interesting job was not filled in Quebec city. Not long after that decision, she left for the capital and since that day, I have never seen her shiny face again. When I still think of this dreary fact today, a bitter feeling of dread overcomes me: lost a loved one can not considered as an easy thing to forget.

    I was, at that moment, six years old and I was about to meet somebody with who I would develop an important relationship, a particular one that I will never get twice in my life for sure. Like any child my age, I was trying different activities to find which ones fit best with my personality, my talents and my tastes. After soccer, ice skating and gymnastics, my parents didn't know anymore where they could register their dear daughter. That situation could be explained by my character which tended to be indecisive. Effectively, after spending a certain time practising the same thing, I became, every single time, to grow tired about the sport in question and I embraced something different.
    However, that phenomenon didn't occur with tennis, perhaps because of the attractive and unfamiliar colour of the ball which represents an essential element of the sport (you can't play without it). After a shiny summer day, I had lived my first tennis lesson with Alain, my coach at that period. Through his job, he could share his passion, become an example for those young people who saw him like a professional player although it was no the reality. He wanted to show us every little one of life's pleasures, to convince us that life could be funny and enriching at the same time. His joie de vivre was contagious. It represented such a great part of his personality and he hoped to pass it on to us! Of course, Alain didn't fail once in his task. He always had shiny eyes, a festive heart and a great spirit! I will always remember the pleasure I felt, playing with a racket and hitting balls all day long. At first sight, Alain and I developed a special relationship, a friendly one. We shared the same personality and the same passion for tennis. He bore a peculiar energy which entered my young life as a fresh spring breeze. There was no shortage of opportunities to have a good laugh! As the years went by, I continued my progress in that fabulous sport with Alain who was not my trainer anymore because of my reached level. However, our friendship never disappeared, in spite of our age difference.
    For the time being, although he is now a police officer for Baie-Comeau, we stay in contact and every time he comes here, at Rimouski, we try to meet each other on a tennis court, the place where we first met!

    My father was born in Saint-François-Xavier-de-Viger from an love-struck couple who were already blessed with a child named Mario. However, that boy didn't spring from that immortal love which existed between those two young human beings. In fact, he was adopted from a poor single-parent mother, who already brought four children into the world, Thérèse and Léonard. Shortly afterwards appeared in that familiar scene another kid, Yves, who quickly became Martin's playmate because of the important age difference separating Mario and Martin. Everyday and every night, they lived side by side and those two brothers shared their life experiences, their deeper secrets too.

    Years went by and led them into the seventies. It was the ten speeds bike era. Every child wanted one of those marvellous machines, but only the luckiest ones would get it. By the time being, the majority of my father's friends got that kind of bike for their respective birthdays. Consequently, it was written in black and white in the sky that Martin would hope to have one in no time to not be rejected from his clique. However, the bike was not dirt cheap! That was why Martin didn't expect his wish to come true. To his surprise, his parents gave him that desired object after all.
    According to my father, it was the most beautiful and useful thing that our planet had ever carried. The red paint which covered that bike shined under that blistering summer sun. Almost immediately, Yves asked Martin to try his new toy for a little ride in the neighbourhood. Because his little brother was his closest friend, Martin accepted that deal and saw Yves peddle away on his famous machine. he seemed so happy to do such a unpretentious activity.

    Hours went by, and Yves hadn't returned yet. Thérèse grew more and more anxious. Martin got the burden, from his own father, to search through the neighbourhood to find his missing brother. Laid on the road on the corner of the main street, Yves was. My father rushed up towards him and realised that Martin would from that day forth not have a little brother anymore. The authorities have never discovered the reckless driver responsible of Yves' dead. But, my father will never forget that scene and the guilt he has felt because he agreed to share his new bike to his dear brother.
    I charge around 50 euros for that kind of work.

  10. #10
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    Talking Re: Correction for 23-02-2009

    Thank you a lot... I know that I asked for a big work... Thank you for you help!!! I appreciate it a lot!!!

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