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    • Join Date: Jan 2004
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    #1

    Help with English

    Hi all,

    Can somebody please comments the English?

    Regards,

    Dean

    1- While it appears that Sweden and Italy have the same system in controlling X, our results indicated lower quality of X in Sweden compared with Italy. We hypothesis the low quality of X in Sweden may be due to the difference with the reporting system of M.

    2- In Italy, K publicly disclose summary of all M. Contrary to that, the P does not publicly disclose the M to the public in Sweden. The ethics committee only informed the findings and names of companies involved to the P. In addition to that, our request from the organisation failed to provide any information.


    • Join Date: Nov 2007
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    #2

    Re: Help with English

    1- While it appears that Sweden and Italy have the same system in controlling X, our results indicated a lower quality of X in Sweden compared with Italy. We hypothesize that the low quality of X in Sweden may be due to a difference with the reporting system of M.

    It reads more fluently if you include the 'that'
    You are suggesting that there may be a difference. You have not stated what this difference actually is, that would then be referred to as 'the difference' = the specific/particular difference you have mentioned.
    I think 'with the reporting system', as you have written, is better than 'in the reporting system', which is another possibility.

    2- In Italy, K publicly disclose summary of all M. Contrary to that, the P does not publicly disclose the M to the public in Sweden. The ethics committee only informed the findings and names of companies involved to the P. In addition to that, our request from the organisation failed to provide any information.
    This does not read well, and appears to have grammar mistakes, but is too obscure to correct. You would need to substitute some actual nouns for the letters, so, for one thing, we can see if the noun is singular or plural.


    • Join Date: Jan 2004
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    #3

    Re: Help with English

    Hi David L,

    Thanks for your comments. I have made some changes. How about the following?

    1- While it appears that Sweden and Italy have the same system in controlling newspaper advertising, our results indicated a lower quality of vitamin information in Sweden compared with Italy. We hypothesize that the low quality of vitamin information in Sweden may be due to a difference with the reporting system of code breaches and sanctions imposed.

    2- In Italy, K (an organisation) publicly discloses summary of all code breaches and sanctions imposed. Contrary to that, in Sweden, the P (an organisation) does not publicly disclose the code breaches and sanctions to the public. The ethics committee only inform the findings and names of companies involve to the P members. Moreover, our request from the organisation failed to provide any information.


    Regards,
    Fizzi


    • Join Date: Feb 2009
    • Posts: 365
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    #4

    Re: Help with English

    "A designer knows he has achieved perfection not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away."
    Antoine de Saint-Exupery

    So you need to look at the style of your writing. You dont want to keep mentioning Sweden and Italy if you can use pronouns. Likewise you dont want to keep having to mention vitamins. You need to get those sentences down to fewer words to make the message clear.

    For example, you say that its lower in 'Sweden compared to Italy', yet you have already told us there are these two countries. So simply saying its lower in Sweden would suffice, we already know that the other is Italy.

    1- While it appears that Sweden and Italy have the same system in controlling newspaper advertising, our results indicated a lower quality of vitamin information in Sweden compared with Italy. We hypothesize that the low quality of vitamin information in Sweden may be due to a difference with the reporting system of code breaches and sanctions imposed.
    Gives the following information:

    1) You did some testing on vitamin information
    2) There was a difference
    3) It is not due to advertising.
    4) We think it is due to reporting

    So that is how we will structure our text. You opened with point 3), but having read that far, I still have no idea what this sentence is about.

    1) Our research shows that the quality of vitamin information is lower is in Sweden than in Italy. Since newspaper advertising is similarly regulated in each, this cannot be cause. We believe that these differences arise due to the reporting of of code breaches and sanctions imposed.

    2- In Italy, K (an organisation) publicly discloses a summary of all code breaches and sanctions imposed. Contrary to that, in Sweden, the P (an organisation) does not publicly disclose the code breaches and sanctions to the public.
    I have crossed out useless text. Since we have already said what happens with one, we dont have say it all again.


    • Join Date: Nov 2007
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    #5

    Re: Help with English

    We spend time correcting grammar in the written work posted, and I have felt it too overwhelming to also start addressing the fundamental expression and ordering of ideas in written work.

    I applaud you, thod00

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