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  1. #1
    Tan Elaine is offline Key Member
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    Default Please correct the short story

    Could some member please correct the following short story for me?
    Many thanks.


    One day, Nicole, a little girl, was walking home and eating an ice-cream cone at the same time. She did not notice a banana skin on the ground. She stepped on it and fell down heavily. Her knee was wounded.

    She cried, “Help! Help! My knee is bleeding. Someone help me, please.” But nobody was around!.

    About three minutes later, she could hardly get up. She was very sad. A short while later, with much difficulty, she forced herself to get up and trudged home. When she opened the door, her mother was upset when she saw that she was injured. She quickly washed the wound and took her to the clinic in a taxi. The doctor cleansed the wound, gave her an injection, prescribed some medicine, and gave her two days of medical leave.

    After her mother had paid the bill to the clinic assistant, collected the medicine and the medical certificate, they took a taxi home.

  2. #2
    svartnik is offline Banned
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    Default Re: Please correct the short story

    Quote Originally Posted by tan elaine View Post
    could some member please correct the following short story for me?
    Many thanks.


    one day, nicole, a little girl, was walking home and eating an ice-cream cone at the same time. She did not notice a banana skin on the ground. She stepped on it and fell down heavily. Her knee was wounded.

    She cried, “help! Help! My knee is bleeding. Someone help me, please.” but nobody was around!.

    About three minutes later, she could hardly get up. She was very sad. A short while later, with much difficulty, she forced herself to get up and trudged limped home. When she opened the door, her mother was upset when she saw that she was injured. She quickly washed the wound and took her to the clinic in a taxi. The doctor cleansed the wound, gave her an injection, prescribed some medicine, and gave her two days of medical leave.

    After her mother had paid the bill to the clinic assistant, collected the medicine and the medical certificate, they took a taxi home.
    ━━━━━━━━┏┓
    ┏┫ ┏┓ ┏┓ ┣┓    ┃┃
    ┗┫   ┃   ┣┛ ┏━━┻┃
     ┃ ┗━━━┛ ┃  ┣━━ ┃
     ┗━━━┳━━━┛  ┣━━ ┃
     ┏━━▇▇▇━━━━━┻━━━┛

  3. #3
    Searching for language is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: Please correct the short story

    Quote Originally Posted by Tan Elaine View Post
    Could some member please correct the following short story for me?
    Many thanks.

    One day, Nicole, a little girl, was walking home and eating an ice-cream cone at the same time. She did not notice a banana skin peel on the ground. She stepped on it and fell down. heavily omit. Her knee was wounded injured.

    She cried, “Help! Help! My knee is bleeding. Someone help me, please.” But nobody was around!.

    About three minutes later, she could hardly get up. For about three minutes she couldn't get up. She was very sad. A short while later, with much difficulty, she forced herself to get up and trudged home. When she opened the door, her mother was upset when she saw that she Nicole was injured. She quickly washed the wound and took her to the clinic in a taxi. The doctor cleansed the wound, gave her an injection, prescribed some medicine, and gave her two days of medical leave. told her to stay home from school for two days.

    After her mother had paid the bill to the clinic assistant, collected the medicine and the medical certificate, they took a taxi home.
    Delete the underlined, and replace with the words in red. The term "medical leave" would normally be used in a work related incident, not with a child's injury.

    About three minutes later, she could hardly get up. By saying it this way, you are suggesting that for three minutes she didn't try to get up, and when she finally tried, she couldn't.

    In Canada, it is a banana peel, but skin is o.k. also. We would understand it.

    wounded/injured............... a person is wounded, but a part of the body is injured. The part of the body which is injured, may be a wound (if it is bleeding) but not always. If you fracture a bone, it is an injury.

    The term wounded is also used more in terms of gunshots, a battlefield "a soldier is wounded" etc.

    Good luck on your story!
    Last edited by Searching for language; 22-Feb-2009 at 21:07.

  4. #4
    Tan Elaine is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: Please correct the short story

    Thanks. Svartnik and Searching for language, for your help.
    Last edited by Tan Elaine; 23-Feb-2009 at 16:50.

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