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  1. #1
    semirus is offline Newbie
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    Default Please proofread my film review

    Hi all, I'm preparing for FCE and I've just done that writing. I'd be glad if someone could give me some advice and correct it. Thanks a lot.

    The last film I saw was “Street Kings”, so I'm going to review it now.
    Street Kings was released in 2008 and is set in Los Angeles. It tells the story of a cop who judges criminals his own way. This cop is being played by Keanu Reeves, the role fits him quite well. He's an alcoholic who can't keep his temper sometimes. One of his partners tells everything about their
    deeds to the police commander. Then his partner gets murdered and Keanu Reeves gets under suspicion. He tries to find evidence that he isn't guilty in any way and during that he realises that some of the people around him aren't as loyal as he used to think they were. The deeper he digs
    the more of his friends are involved in an illegal case.

    To me the film was a good film of its genre it creates an atmosphere and keeps the story rolling. On the other hand the film is quite usual, nothing extraordinary. So I'd recommend that film for everyone who wants to see a classic action film.

  2. #2
    Monticello's Avatar
    Monticello is offline Member
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    Default Re: Please proofread my film review

    Quote Originally Posted by semirus View Post
    Hi all, I'm preparing for FCE and I've just done that writing. I'd be glad if someone could give me some advice and correct it. Thanks a lot.

    The last film I saw was “Street Kings”, so I'm going to review it now.
    Street Kings was released in 2008 and is set in Los Angeles. It tells the story of a cop who judges criminals his own way. This cop is being played by Keanu Reeves, the role fits him quite well. He's an alcoholic who can't keep his temper sometimes. One of his partners tells everything about their
    deeds to the police commander. Then his partner gets murdered and Keanu Reeves gets under suspicion. He tries to find evidence that he isn't guilty in any way and during that he realises that some of the people around him aren't as loyal as he used to think they were. The deeper he digs
    the more of his friends are involved in an illegal case.

    To me the film was a good film of its genre it creates an atmosphere and keeps the story rolling. On the other hand the film is quite usual, nothing extraordinary. So I'd recommend that film for everyone who wants to see a classic action film.
    Hi semirus,

    Below I've edited and rewritten your first two paragraphs -- using your own ideas. Also, you'll find suggestions for an additional paragraph, as well as a stronger closing paragraph. The rewrite and suggestions follow here:
    Street Kings, a recently released action film (2008), tells the story of a cop (played by Keanu Reeves) with an independent streak that only invites trouble. Reeve’s screen presence appears well-suited for the character of the cop that he plays: a sometimes out of control officer of the law – his own – whose tendency toward washing away the stress of his job with more than a few drinks only serves to add imbalance to his already volatile temper.

    Reeves’ character’s excessive stress and drinking cycle is triggered when his partner decides to report corrupt police activities to their commanding officer. And what becomes the reward for Reeves’ partner’s whistle-blowing? -Suspicious circumstances indeed. He’s found murdered and Reeves’ character is set up as the prime suspect. In his attempts to clear himself for the murder of his partner, Reeves' character finds only deepening levels of corruption. The deeper he digs, the more he discovers the involvement of those whom he had once considered loyal friends.

    (Why not a few words here about the build-up of suspense and tension that leads to the film’s climax? For example: Is there a chase sequence worth describing here? Most action films can’t do without them. Whatever the climax may be, a few words describing it in a paragraph here -- without providing “a spoiler” i.e., giving too much away -- would increase and hold your readers’ attention.)

    (I‘ll leave it to you to rewrite your final paragraph. Besides providing a final recommendation -- or not – you should look to assess how well the film measures up against an audience’s expectations for a suspense/action film. Again, provide supporting details without giving too much away that will “spoil it” for your readers.)
    Good luck! Your original final paragraph follows:

    To me the film was a good film of its genre it creates an atmosphere and keeps the story rolling. On the other hand the film is quite usual, nothing extraordinary. So I'd recommend that film for everyone who wants to see a classic action film
    Last edited by Monticello; 11-Mar-2009 at 04:06.

  3. #3
    semirus is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Please proofread my film review

    Thanks, it seems to me that my whole review was kind of "not good". Is it so bad that you had to rewrite the entire review? Or what do you think, suitable for FCE?

  4. #4
    Searching for language is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: Please proofread my film review

    Quote Originally Posted by semirus View Post
    Hi all, I'm preparing for FCE and I've just done that writing. I'd be glad if someone could give me some advice and correct it. Thanks a lot.

    The last film I saw was “Street Kings”, so I'm going to review it now.

    Street Kings was released in 2008 and is set in Los Angeles. It tells the story of a cop who judges criminals his own way. This cop policeman is being played by Keanu Reeves, the role fits him quite well. He's an alcoholic who can't keep his temper under control sometimes. One of his partners tells everything about their deeds to the police commander. Then his partner gets murdered and Keanu Reeves gets is under suspicion. He tries to find evidence that he isn't guilty in any way and during that investigation he realises that some of the people around him aren't as loyal as he used to think they were. The deeper he digs, the more of his friends are involved in an illegal case.

    To me the film was a good film of its genre' it creates an exciting/intersting atmosphere and keeps the story rolling. On the other hand the film is quite usual, nothing extraordinary. So I'd recommend that film for everyone who wants to see a classic action film.
    Delete the underlined words and replace with the red.

    I think your review is quite to the point, and just needed a little help.
    I am not a teacher.

  5. #5
    Monticello's Avatar
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    Default Re: Please proofread my film review

    Quote Originally Posted by semirus View Post
    Thanks, it seems to me that my whole review was kind of "not good". Is it so bad that you had to rewrite the entire review? Or what do you think, suitable for FCE?
    Hi semirus,

    Perhaps I should have been clearer about the intent of my previous post to you in this thread. Seeing that I wasn't, let me do this now:

    Your initial post asked for a proofread of your movie review, and, as you can see, my post went beyond a mere proofread. Why? -After a quick review of the First Certificate of English (FCE) Handbook for Teachers, I thought that you would benefit more from a written model rather than a mere proofread.

    Please take a moment to read this brief description from the FCE web site. As you do, try to find one key phrase that will increase your understanding of the FCE's criteria for assessment:
    FCE is an exam for people who can use everyday written and spoken English at an upper-intermediate level. It is an ideal exam for people who want to use English for work or study purposes.
    I hope that the key phrase for you here is upper-intermediate level. If that was a key phrase for you, bravo! If not, then may I suggest that you make it your key phrase for focus from now on.

    Next, please read through the specific criteria that FCE will use in order to assess your writing skills:
    Candidates are expected to write non-specialised text types such as an article, an essay, a letter, an email, a report, a review, or a short story, with a focus on advising, apologising, comparing, describing, explaining, expressing opinions, justifying, persuading, recommending, suggesting.
    The non-specialised text type that you chose for practice and posted above is, of course, a movie review. Good choice -- as it is one of the test categories the FCE writing assessment criteria cites.

    At an upper-intermediate level, your writing will, of course, be expected to conform to writing conventions (i.e., correct spellings & punctuations, correct grammar, good sentence structure, etc.). And the review you've written demonstrates a good command of these things. (By the way, the post by Searching for language contains mark-ups that will help you to bring the movie review that you wrote up to the standards of accepted writing conventions.)

    Now, please take a look at the key writing skills that FCE looks to assess:
    advising, apologising, comparing, describing, explaining, expressing opinions, justifying, persuading, recommending, suggesting
    It is this list of criteria that prompted me to write a model for you rather than a mere mark-up of your text. Practicing effectively for your FCE exam will mean a greater focus upon the above list of skills. The more that you practice these skills, the better your performance on the written portion of the FCE exam will be.

    Please understand that my comments here to you are intended solely for the purpose of helping you to improve your writing skills -- especially in anticipation of your performance on the FCE exam.

    If you are interested, I can provide further details for you here in this thread about how the model I created for your review might help you in this regard.

    Best of luck to you!
    Last edited by Monticello; 25-Feb-2009 at 01:52.

  6. #6
    Searching for language is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: Please proofread my film review

    I can see, Monticello, why you are an English teacher, and I am not. All I did was to point out mistakes in what had been written. I felt that it is not up to me to change the original review other than for details, and I also thought that your post was a bit beyond a "proof-read". However, I see by your second post how you can explain, encourage and inspire a student of English to reach beyond what they may feel that they are capable of.

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