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  1. #1
    janjoun is offline Newbie
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    Default correct my short essay

    Being Courage
    Living far from home in a new country had effect my social skills with different people. I experienced how to be more courage, and how to respond to any specific situation. Since I was live in a new place, I tried to develop myself to unknown condition. There are different causes and reasons had increased my courage in my life.
    The major cause was to learn how to deal, and how to accept another type of society, and culture in my daily life. This means making new friends, learning other point of view, and accepting different opinion. All these need me to be stronger. That does not mean to be positive all the time, but at least knew how to do the balance between my believe and others believes.
    Living far away from my family made me appreciate them; not because I was not happy in my new life, but because I miss the feeling of protection; especially, my husband not with me all the day. Missing my family and the attention they gave it to me is usual. That is why; I tried to be excited instead of scared of my new situation.
    The most significant issue that affects my courage to grow was to be independent. Living far from my families, friends, relatives gave me a lot of experience toward organized my life. Since it is up to me and no one else could help me, I have to be more courage to face all the challenges. It was unpredictable to me to have all these kind of responsibilities. Itís really difficult to be responsible of home, kids, and expenses.
    Living far from home, could be difficult in the beginning, but later we can notice the change, which happened in our character, ore behavior, and our reaction. I understand now that these experiences were very important not only to me, but also to my kids who need my support, and my protection in place I have very little information about it.







  2. #2
    Grace Spreader is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: correct my short essay

    Dear Janjoun,
    I will be happy to try to help you with this essay. I would like to give you a small tip that will help you next time you write an essay. In English, words change their form depending on the usage within a sentence. In order for you to know which part of speech to use, go to the a dictionary and look up that word. You can click on the word 'dictionary' to go to an online dictionary. If you use this link, you must scroll down to about the half-way point on the page to the section titled 'Translation'. Here, the dictionary will tell you which form is used for each situation.
    Example:
    The courage of a lion (this is a noun, in the dictionary it will show n. after the word) - The courageous woman. (this is an adjective, in the dictionary it will show adj..) - She courageously climbed up the steep cliffs (This is an adverb - adv..)

    I hope this is not confusing to you. I will correct your essay in the next post.

  3. #3
    Grace Spreader is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: correct my short essay

    Being Courage
    This title should be changed since the word 'courage' is something you are TO HAVE not something you are TO BE. You could say HAVING COURAGE - or possibly - BEING BRAVE

    Living far from home in a new country had effect my social skills with different people.
    Living far from home, in a new country, has affected my social skills.
    - You don't need to say 'with different people' since the words 'social skills' already tell us that you are doing this with people.


    I experienced how to be more courage, and how to respond to any specific situation.
    I experienced how to have more courage (or to be brave) and to respond in any specific situation.

    -You don't need to say 'how to' twice in this case because there are two verb phrases following it. You have - '...how to have... and how to respond...' but could instead write '...how to have... and respond...' Also, we say 'in a situation' not 'to a situation' - the confusion you have is that you attached your preposition (in, to) to the preceding verb rather than to the noun following it.


    Since I was live in a new place, I tried to develop myself to unknown condition.
    Since I was living in a new place, I tried to adapt myself to unfamiliar surroundings.

    The word 'condition' refers to the state of a thing or a person - the hat was tattered and torn, hence its condition is old.


    There are different causes and reasons had increased my courage in my life.
    There are different causes and reasons why I now have more courage.

    Use the adjective 'more' to show that your courage has increased.


    The major cause was to learn how to deal, and how to accept another type of society, and culture in my daily life.

    This increased courage was a result of the time I spent learning to deal with and accept another type of society and culture in my daily living.

    'A result of' is the effect of the cause - hence, 'Wearing old shoes caused my feet to be sore.' Sore feet are the result of wearing old shoes.


    This means making new friends, learning other point of view, and accepting different opinion. All these need me to be stronger.

    This meant making new friends, learning other's view points, and accepting different opinions; these all made me stronger.

    That does not mean to be positive all the time, but at least knew how to do the balance between my believe and others believes.

    That does not mean I was positive all the time, but at least I knew how to balance my beliefs with those of others.


    Living far away from my family made me appreciate them; not because I was not happy in my new life, but because I miss the feeling of protection; especially, my husband not with me all the day.

    Living far away from my family made me appreciate them, not because I was not happy in my new life, but because I miss the feeling of protection, especially since my husband is not home with me all day.

    Missing my family and the attention they gave it to me is usual. That is why; I tried to be excited instead of scared of my new situation.

    Missing my family and the attention they gave me was to be expected which is why I tried to be excited instead of scared of my new situation.

    The most significant issue that affects my courage to grow was to be independent. Living far from my families, friends, relatives gave me a lot of experience toward organized my life.

    The most significant issue that has caused my courage to grow was being independent.

    Since it is up to me and no one else could help me, I have to be more courage to face all the challenges.

    Since it was up to me and non one else could help me, I was forced to have more courage to face all the challenges.

    It was unpredictable to me to have all these kind of responsibilities. Itís really difficult to be responsible of home, kids, and expenses.

    Having all these responsibilities was unexpected. It really is difficult to be responsible for the home, the kids and the expenses.

    Living far from home, could be difficult in the beginning, but later we can notice the change, which happened in our character, ore behavior, and our reaction.

    Living far from home can be difficult in the beginning, but we will eventually notice the change which has happened in our character, our behavior, and our reactions.

    I understand now that these experiences were very important not only to me, but also to my kids who need my support, and my protection in place I have very little information about it.

    I understand now that these experiences were very important not only to me, but also to my kids who needed my support and my protection in this new and unfamiliar environment.


    Wow, you did a very good job on this essay! You seem to be getting a good grasp on the language. The main problems you have are 1) choosing the correct form of the word and 2) subject-verb agreement. To learn about subject-verb agreement you can go to this link and read about it.
    Subject/Verb Agreement - The OWL at Purdue

    Let me know if you have more questions that arise from reading what I have written here. Keep up the good work!!! I meet too many young mothers who don't put enough effort into learning the new language or the new culture. You are doing both, and your children will be very proud of you.

    I enjoy helping people like you because my own mother was an immigrant and she taught me about courage and bravery by the way she lived her life. Much like you!

  4. #4
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    RonBee is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: correct my short essay

    Janjoun, I suggest that you read Grace's posts at least five times. Then revise your essay and post the revised essay on this thread. Be sure to space between paragraphs. Strive for clarity. You want people who read what you write to be able to understand it.


  5. #5
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    RonBee is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: correct my short essay

    Perhaps:
    Living in a strange country can be difficult. There is a lot to get used to.

  6. #6
    janjoun is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: correct my short essay

    I really want to thank you

    janjoun

  7. #7
    janjoun is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: correct my short essay

    thanks for your suggest RonBee, I will try to do it

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